Jeremy Clarkson: You know I discovered something about Australia the other day. How long has it been there now, 220 years…? Jim Jeffries: …220 years almost. Jeremy Clarkson: Do you know that the only invention to come out of Australia in all that time is the rotary washing line? Did you know that? Jim Jeffries: That's not true, we also, the lawnmower is one of ours mate, bloody Vegemite and er.. the Minogue girls. Bill Bailey: Casual violence. Jim Jeffries: Casual violence! Jeremy Clarkson: Everywhere you go in Australia: 'what's so great about the place'? 'We've got great steaks and lovely climate'! We have, brought up on a diet on fish fingers and drizzle and had the greatest empire the world has ever seen.
Jim Jeffries: I was in South Africa, about two months ago, doing gigs out there in a gay night club in Cape Town. And I'm chatting to a whole lot of lads at the end of the bar and I'm pretty funny, I think and er... one of them's going: "you're wasted, aren't ya"? and I went: "yep"! And he goes: "do you wanna come to the toilet with me"? Now, I think he is offering me a line of coke, so I go in there first, beckon him in, then he comes out and he pulls out this great big cock and he goes: "do you want some coke first"? and I went: "I only want coke". Well, the problem is, the South African accent, coke and cock are very similar. Rick Wakeman: We've got a bit of a surprise for you, he's here tonight.
This week's winner: Phill Jupitus, with Trisha Goddard and Anthony Costa.
Identity Parade: Kelly Groucutt from ELO and Chris Taylor from Fiddler's Dram.
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