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New Girl S03E07: "Coach"


After taking a week off, the New Girl gang returned all refreshed and rejuvenated, and they even brought a friend. What up, Coach? (Sry 'bout Happy Endings, btw.)

I just don't remember Coach being such a douche canoe in New Girl's pilot. It's all good, though, because frankly, I don't actually remember much of New Girl's pilot. In fact, in the name of full disclosure, what I do recall is that I didn't much care for it. But whether or not Coach really was as much of a raging ass back then as he was in "Coach" is almost irrelevant, not only because the writers scribbled themselves a justifiable explanation for Coach's woeful ways, but because "Coach" itself was a very good episode. I was worried there for a minute—I really, truly was—but in the end, I genuinely enjoyed it.


Partly it's just that I really, really hate the boyfriend-goes-to-strip-club-and-girlfriend-is-angry-about-it trope. It's such an overdone shorthand plot for bringing up trust issues in a relationship, while simultaneously reinforcing the usual stereotypes about men being horny, untrustworthy, pigs and women being jealous, irrational psychos. You are better than this, New Girl!

There. That's my one, lone complaint about "Coach," which—despite its overdone-like-a-McDonald's-hamburger setup for boys' night and girls' night shenanigans—managed to prove that even New Girl knows it's above relying a tired, dated, storyline like "boy ditches girl for strip club." Thankfully, Jess's issue with Nick, Schmidt, Winston, and Coach setting out for the Velvet Rabbit wasn't so much that there'd be naked chicks there; in fact, she was totally ready to join them. No, it was that she was banned from attending, and then—and THEN—Nick couldn't acknowledge her as his girlfriend in front of his guy friends. That's an absolutely legit complaint. If anyone would like to make the argument that "Nick struggles with his man-child tendencies" is a tired-ass storyline for New Girl, I'd be game. I'm not ready to make that argument myself, but it's close.


Exiled and pissy, Jess called up Cece and they retaliated with the saddest, awkwardest girls' night out I've witnessed in a long time. Cece's Schmidt-angst quickly tainted the evening, and when Jess started complaining about Nick, Cece didn't defend Nick (which isn't her job) or try to make Jess feel better (which is kind of her job). No, she put on her bitter, drunk mini-skirt and ranted about how horrible men are, like it was after-hours in the ladies' room at my senior prom. Ain't no bitterness like the bitterness of a scorned 17-year-old in a $1,200 dress.

Now, there are definitely worse possible outcomes from a night of good old-fashioned man-hating than ending up with Taye Diggs being all naked and suave in your bed, but by that point in the evening, Cece had realized what kind of monster she'd created, and Jess was having second thoughts about getting back at Nick by boning the local coffee shop king. Still: naked Taye Diggs. 

Thankfully, nothing actually happened between them, and when Nick walked in on Naked Taye Diggs, he listened to Jess and believed her when she told him as much. He also called her his girlfriend, which solved about 99 percent of their problems in "Coach." Winston also earned a small victory, briefly standing up for himself after spending an entire evening as Coach's punching bag. Not that it made Coach stop, but it was nice to see Winston show a little confidence. I worry about him. :(


Less victorious this week: Coach and Schmidtty, who've apparently decided to shack up in Schmidt's sad, lonely, rejected-man cave across the hall. Coach's douchebaggery and over-the-top anti-relationship stance was rationalized as the byproduct of his girlfriend breaking up with him. Schmidt is no closer to reconciling with Cece (and I'm actually still kind of bothered by how swiftly and completely Elizabeth was written out of this show). BUT there may be a light at the end of the tunnel for Schmidt. One of my favorite running gags in "Coach" was that Schmidt was super angry at Nick, but every time he tried to explain it or exploit it, he couldn't. It was a nicely nuanced way of showing that Schmidt is starting to come to terms with the Cece/Elizabeth fallout, and to accept responsibility for it. He wants to blame others, but he can't. He literally can't. He couldn't even come up with an irrational or douchey comeback to Nick calling him a dillweed, because there's just nothing there and Schmidt knows it. 

By moving in with Schmidt, it looks like Coach is going to be sticking around for at least another episode or two. I'm okay with it. How about you? What did you think of "Coach"?



NOTES FROM THE DOUCHEBAG JAR

– One-liner of the night, "Hey, did you hear the joke about the two white guys and the two black guys who walked into a police station? The white guys walked out." —Winston

– "Put on pants?" I mean, who hasn't written that note themselves at least once, right?

– I loved that Coach didn't remember Jess. Who's with me?

– I also loved that Schmidt kept stealing stuff from the loft. 

– Naked Taye Diggs' "come hither" legwork was both cringeworthy and amazing. 

– "You're drinking on a Tuesday! And you're a teacher!" "Whatever, those kids are watching a movie tomorrow." I'm glad Cece called Jess out on her hypocrisy concerning the Tuesday drinking drama. However, Jess's response was also pretty amazeballs.


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 5/10/2016

Season 5 : Episode 22

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The last comment about Jess saying, "whatever, those kids are watching a movie tomorrow" was both hysterical and (speaking about reinforcing stereotypes) and unrealistic about what happens inside the classroom. Teachers don't just have the option to throw on a DVD just because they went out drinking the night before. I can count the number of times I showed a movie in my class in a school year on one hand...

Funny episode, otherwise, though! I loved how Coach didn't remember Jess.
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Another great episode! Everybody was great, but as always, Winston stole the show with his one-liners and the "Bunny Money"!
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Taye was definitely an added bonus (And that leg work, helloo, is that leg even attached to his body?). The whole stripclub thing is very over the top, and almost reminded me of How I Met Your Mother if I'm completely honest.
Elizabeth seems completely out of the picture which is a shame, because if Schmidt actually felt the way he did about her (first girlfriend etc etc) then she should at least feature a bit in his post-break-up anger? And why won't Cece just get all her anger out and tell Schmidt and get on with it?!
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Is he? That would be cool!
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Nick and Jess are obviously in love with each other. When this finally happens with the right person - your personality and behavior begin to change sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. It is a natural progression for these characters. I am loving it because at least New Girl is going there - unlike most sitcoms that drag the tension out for-ever. Heartbreak also changes your personality. I don't find any of the behaviors from these characters unrealistic. People who are hurting can be sad, annoying, and bitter. Certainly they are exaggerated for our benefit but I love it because I get to laugh for half an hour. Loved the episode, loved the progression, loved Winston's strip club swag.
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I like how even thought they're clearly falling in love, it's a progression. They're not jumping in too quickly and saying it to each other. Nick and Jess aren't there yet, but they're on their way. It's like in the first episode of the season when they kept saying that they really liked each other.
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This episode was perfection!!! I was laughing out loud the whole time! So, Dear Internet elves, if you could indulge a lonely Brazilian woman, a gif of Taye Diggs saying "Brasil" would be much appreciated. Thank you.
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I thought Schmidt just meant for Coach to crash at his place since they were so drunk. Is coaching staying on longer? I was under the impression it was a one episode guest appearance.
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I really like New Girl and all there characters, but this was truly the worst episode of all the seasons. Boring, not funny at all. It seemed all forced this time.
The only funny thing was Shmidt, stealing stuff, and in the beginning with Nick that they started to talk to each other like old friends and then suddenly like...i am stil mad at you...
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Disappointed with what they did to Coach, but it seem's like a symptom of New Girl recently - unoriginal idea and lacklustre writing.
I hope it gets out of this funk soon.
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It's only wrong to drink on a Tuesday if it's 9am (7am and noon are just fine).
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FINALLY!!!! New Girl is back to being amazing.
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I thought this episode was excellent! It had it all. From the beginning, Coach's character was perfect in that, as we learned later on, he was acting all aloof and anti-relationships because of his heartbreak over the demise of his own. Nick's initial bowing to what is basically peer pressure from Coach was very much in character for him, and very well performed by him in his hilarious conversation with Jess. Poor Jess was right to be hurt and furious over Nick not being able to call her his girlfriend in front of Coach. It was a great scene that gave way to hilarity later on !The scene at the strip club had me cracking up! Winston with his bunny money, the guys trying to tire Coach out and failing miserably, Schmidt admitting to wanting to lower the seats of his colleagues at work to make them look up at him during his presentation, Winston and his lobster....all funny and so damn memorable. And Nick's confession to not being able to lose Jess and admitting how great she is for him was a relief to hear and brought forth another great moment where Coach cried over his broken heart. But I LOVED the police station scene. Not only did Winston have to buy all the guys swag from the strip club to use up his bunny $ as much as possible, but he had one of the best lines with the 2 black guys and a police station joke. Nick finally proved that he was growing up when he declared that they were too old now for that night's hilarity, voicing his want to just go home to Jess. "Serpentine!" LMAO!!! Nick with the stripper snap-on pants! LOL! And as for Jess, Cece, and Artie, well that was just one huge roll out of fun and cracking up. "Shut your face!" LMAO! And I loved how fast Nick was to believe Jess and just jump in to knock Artie out for being in his girlfriend's bed. That was awesome! And Jess wrapping her legs around Nick's waist reminded me of the time she did that with the Dr, but this time it involved feelings and yeah, more of the best times in both of their lives. This episode wasn't the best of the season (I think The Captain" was maybe it), but it was damn, damn good. Just sayin'.
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you took the words right out of my mouth ... thank you ... love this show.
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Coach was not this guy! I was disappointed in Coach's return.. I was looking forward to this guy always yelling at everyone and being a nice guy somewhere in there..
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I thought Coach's douche canoery was a symptom of his break-up funk and not a character inconsistency.
Also, "Shut your face" is my default response when a stupidly handsome man suggests interest in me. YES IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!
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I could listen to that man talk for the rest of my life - what a voice :)
Thumbs up for Taye Diggs!!
Coach how nice to see you again! My heart broke for you after all your douchy behaviour you just turned and looked so sad - heartbreaking! I just wanted to give him a big hug. :(
Winston you poor, poor man. Why do you always get it it in the nutz? Another one for a hug!
Loved you guys all around this episode, hope there's loads more to come from all 6 of ya! xx
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Taye Diggs
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nope
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Staff
+ 1
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I'm really enjoying New Girl this season...not that I didn't last season as well. It just...it gets better. I think Nick and Jess might be the ONE OTP (One True Pair) in TV history that actually got more interesting, more loveable and just plain and simple better once they became a couple. Love how they stay true to their adorable, quirky selves and yet are just as adorable and quirky together. Kudos to the writers!!!

I'm hoping Schmidt will finally take some responsibility for what he did...I'm not saying I want him to grow up but I do want him to man up and stop shifting blame.
Also loved WInston in this ep...poor guy is always doomed to play the comic relief in a sitCOM but he did get decent lines last night.
All in all, really entertaining and well-written episode!
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I agree. I'm just sad they had to write off Elizabeth so quickly and drastically, as they did. There's like no mention ever again of the one girl in his life that he's managed to fall in love with twice, and also, broken her heart twice. I miss Elizabeth for Schmidt, but the woman's got another job, so that's that I guess.
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Thanks for that. I haven't watched any episodes of this season yet because i was afraid they woud mess the relationship up very quickly... and i would have hated that. Now I can watch! Finally.
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It was quite good of an episode. I'm pretty excited for Coach's comeback and I want him to stay as long as he's not that douche all the time
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What tha hell is happening to this show! What I really loved about it from the start was the playing around withmasculinity, with norms and gender roles. But for every episode thats coming it seems to become more and more traditional, in every kind of bad possible way. Since when is it in Nicks character to knock someone out? The closest he has come in hurting someone before is maybe putting Schmitd in a headlock. Since when does Jess find it attractive to see someone beeing knocked out?

I remember the show when It didint went for clichés and had a more complex view of solving issues. It starts to become more and more a traditional sitcom from the eighties. So what do you do to get revenge on your boyfriend? Make him Jealous by flirtation. Come on! And what happend to Schmidt? I remember him saying things like: “Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty and Paxil.” and “Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.” Suddently Schmidt feels as boring as who ever in a sitcom. I want my characters back!!!
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Totally agree. The writing has become lazy
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I've been rooting for 'Happy Endings' to get cancelled so that we could have this episode (and hopefully many more like it). I was a little disappointed that Coach didn't remember Jess and their two weeks of good times, but he is coming off a break-up, so I'll cut him a little slack.

'Two white guys, and two black guys walk into a police station....' had me on the floor for much longer than is respectful for a lady. Winston is quickly becoming my new favorite, sorry Nick.
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"He throws pizza at seagulls." I am trying to visualize the writers sitting around and coming up with this line. Then, they decide to put it in the script. Then the actor sees at the read through. And then it ends up in the show. Amazing!

Also, Nick's face when he trying to negotiate going out to the strip club. It's like he's pleading to Jess to not emasculate him. I'm sorry to say that I have been there. For shame!
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According to Schmidt, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was a pro-Nazi movie? WTF??
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Not sure if you watch How I Met You're Mother (I'm certainly not reccomending it at this point) but that joke was really similar to a running gag that Barney always thinks the Movie villians are the heroes
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This episode was way better than the previous ones. But not because of our main characters and that concerns me. Coach and Taye Diggs' character were fresh faces and brought something to the table. Winston is still developing his character, albeit very slowly, which is good, but everybody else just annoys me these days. And I don't want that!
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Obligatory I miss Happy Endings post.
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So I guess it was Cece's turn to be a total jerk in this episode then? Just because you're bitter and angry about how your relationship ended doesn't mean you should try and convince your best friend to cheat on their partner. I know she realised her mistake, and that everything worked out for Nick and Jess in the end, but it had the potential to end very badly, all at her hands.

Also, "Oh, I'm sorry that I'm into material possessions more than you", I'm gonna have to use that line sometime.
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I think it showed how much of a dark place she is in. It was her own version of what Schmidt attempted a few weeks ago.
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It seems like Nick and Jess never had the terminology.
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Nicks face is my favourite face.
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In the pilot Coach had problems talking to women (he always yelled at them if I remember correctly because it was kind of his job), but he was still really sweet and helped come to Jess's rescue in the end. My complaint I hated that Coach didn't remember Jess, was it all for that one throwaway joke because pilot Coach would have remembered her! I love having Coach back, I really wish it could be full time but I get how that could be difficult to juggle.
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I need coach to stay so i don't miss Happy Endings that much :'(
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I liked coach in the pilot episode of New girl so let's see where this will take us
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I've never really liked Jess and Nick together but hey it's funny and I'm all for that. My problem is that there really is no reason for those two to be together. Look at all the negative things Jess had to say about him in this episode, and the positives were that he throws pizza at seagulls and is a great kisser. Sounds like solid reasons for dating an alcoholic man-child who has no life plan.
No coach wasn't as big of a douchenozzle in the promo.
I loved Taye Digg's bull stomp come hither.
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What was that supposedly brazilian word Artie said? Cause I listened to it 6 times and that is not a word in Brazil or anywhere actually
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I am a Brazillian and that word does not exist in Portuguese (we speak portuguese in Brazil). I think he said "magalis", "magalhes", or "magalhaes" which are not real words used in Brazil. Also, in Brazil we do not have a word that represents both the situations he said.
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I'm brazilian too and it would've been nice and funnier if they had used a word that actually exists and not make up that word and that situation, don't you think?
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I think it's kinda funnier that it is a made up word. So for all that peacocking, he's just making it up!
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came here to say the same thing! what the hell was that?
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I enjoyed this episode but honestly I didn't really miss Coach since he left, so I don't know if I care if he stays or goes.
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Oh my gosh, I literally hollered with laughter at Artie's leg thing (bull pawing the earth?) and playfully "splashing" Jess when he was in bed. Taye Diggs was great. And though I didn't love everything about the episode (see: Cece's bitterness and Coach's douchebaggery), I did like all four boys together and Winston still rocks my world anytime he gets screen time.
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Can Coach please come back full time? Also, he was kind of a douche in the pilot. Maybe not this much.
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I wanted Cece and Taye Diggs to hook up in this episode but it never happened. I know he is just a guest star but he was so hilarious. I didn't like how he was just there to make Nick jealous.

I agree with Coach being a douche canoe. Wasn't he the voice of reason in the pilot? I never watched Happy Endings so I wonder if there were parallels with his character. But I'm still looking forward for his stay. Winston buying takeout from the strip club was the funniest part of the episode.
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Coach and Brad (Damon's character from Happy Endings) are complete opposites, shame Happy Endings was great while it lasted
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