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New Girl S03E04: "The Captain"


Arr, mateys! In the wake of his dual break-up with Elizabeth and Cece, Schmidt vowed to exact revenge on Nick and Jess and returned to his nefarious douchebag ways (teach me, oh great one!) with the very best and brutal kind of TV warfare: psychological. An innocent one-month anniversary cake was designed to send Nick into a doubt spirals, frustrating Jess and forcing her to turn to Dr. Schmidtty, who claimed to have a PhD in Nick Miller. Despite the initial unfortunate results of Jess's collaboration with the not-so-good doctor, let it not be said that Schmidt isn't an expert in all things Nick. And that was the problem—for his poor victims, anyway. 


It seems New Girl has made it a priority, and a sort of twisted game, to see how many tired, old, eye-roll-inducing sitcom tropes it can cram into an episode that still manages to be AMAZING. From Schmidt's love triangle to this week's blender-omits-valuable-information schtick—these aren't antics that we've never seen before somewhere else. The blender's role in the mis-education of Jessica Day could easily have been replaced by a bad phone connection, a noisy construction site, a stereo, whatever. The manner in which information was kept from the audience with regard to exactly what the Captain is didn't really matter, although Schmidt's slightly unhinged smoothie offering to Jess was a perfect encapsulation of the domesticated terror that Schmidt does so well. Very Mommie Dearest. Very nice. 


New Girl has proven time and time again that at its core, it's about more than just the laughs. Douchebag Schmidt returned and Douchebag Schmidt was amazing, but Douchebag Schmidt was a defense mechanism that was engaged in order to hide how truly hurt Schmidt was by the messy endings to his relationships with Cece and Elizabeth. We've all been there: sad and single and surrounded by roommates in lurve. Even if the significant others don't officially share a lease, like Nessy does, it sure feels like it, right? And you desperately want to set the happy couple on fire, right? No? Just me? Okay. 

So much of New Girl's humor hinges on absurdity: Winston and his cat brothel, Nick and Jess's Mexico adventures, Schmidt and... well, Schmidt. But New Girl's absurdity is a weirdly—and delightfully—relatable, and it prevents the show from falling into the trap of being too crazy, too random, too bizarre. New Girl isn't about Jess's quirkiness or Nick's weirdness or Winston's increasing creepiness—it's about these fully realized characters who happen to be quirky, weird and creepy. They're people. I'm a freaking weirdo and so are you and New Girl knows it and uses it against us to get the lulz. 


...except for when there are no lulz. Like when Schmidt left what we can assume was some kind of apology letter to Cece and she used it to dispose of her gum. I guess he didn't send one to Elizabeth. I guess that "OMG WHICH ONE???" decision wasn't so hard after all. 

Schmidt's plan to destroy Jess and Nick by exploiting their inability to communicate also backfired when they sucked it up and figured out how to talk about their relationship like adults. What was meant to tear them apart inadvertently strengthened their bond—except that now, the roles have been reversed, and sometimes even the touchy-feeling chatty Jess just wants to shut up and have the sex. 

And sometimes Winston just wants everyone to shut up and let his cat have the sex. His heart was in the right place, but I think someone needs to stage an intervention. 

What did you think of "The Captain?"



NOTES FROM THE DOUCHEBAG JAR

– One-liner of the night: "Well, at least the sun managed to get up." That was cruel, Jess. And filthy. <3 

– Schmidt WOULD have founded a Billy Zane fan club in the '90s. Zaniacs!

– Lol @ "Groundhog Day situation." 

– "I've never seen this sober before." We've all had those moments, Jess. It's okay. 

– Winston's Nessy survival kit was pretty great—based on what we saw. What else do you think was in there? 


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 5/10/2016

Season 5 : Episode 22

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Bad bad Schmidt, he was terrible...first nice and then BAM...
Loved how Nick was all expressing feelings in the end with the bra...was so funny..
Still i love Winston the most, with ferguson made me laugh so hard...!!
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I LOVED Nick going all mush and talking about his feelings - it was so sweet at first and then it just got funnier as he went on and on, until Jess actually wanted him to stop, THAT was the highlight for me.
All up I thought it was an awesome episode, laughs all the way through and character development. Nice!
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awful episode. worst one so far.
Winston is not funny.
Nessy is just not good. I dont know how, but they've been ruined.
Even Schmidt, who is normally a goldmine for lols let me down this week.
I am so disappoint!
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Creepy Winston is awesome no question about it BUT the guys needs an intervention or better friends cause he needs a life that doesn't revolve around Ferguson.
The whole sequence where Jess tries to stop the groundhog day situation cracked me up.
Sooo what now? Schmidt actually made a decision an loves Cece? agh sorry but hate it when one character is obsessed with another (my only exception is Luke from Gilmore Girls) No sorry what I really can't stand is the whole "I love her but we don't work out together" I know I know I shouldn't watch romantic comedies, but I'm seriously starting to think I am masochistic when it comes to television.
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Winston is definitely making up for lost screen time this season! :P love it hahah
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Staff
Yes! So pumped! And he's so FUNNY!
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I love Winston. And I adored them showing both his complete craziness with the Fancy Feast fest, but I'm mostly really happy that we as an audience got a reminder that he's also super level-headed. His calling for a roommate's meeting was fantastic as was his facilitation ("I can't have a cat brothel in my bedroom and be the most normal one here.") HOWEVER, I found it completely absurd that Jess would listen to Schmidt. I get that sex makes you dumb sometimes, and also that she wants it work with Nick, but after Schmidt telling them he was on a mission to break them up...?! I know it was a month later but still. Why, oh, why would she even try to entertain that garbage? And for me, that one detail significantly diminished my enjoyment of the episode (at least the Schmidt/Jess/Nick stuff - Winston and Ferguson rocked!).
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Horses. Outerspace. Jess is not a smart person.
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Staff
Honestly, I questioned Jess' decision to trust Schmidt too. It's not like he was even trying to be secretive about his plan to break them up. I chalked it up to her desperation, but still. I feel ya there.
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What happened with this show?
It was supposed to be a deschanel-sexy show and it is just going incredibly weird and I love it. Even the hole schmidt thing. On how many drugs do u have to be, to think.... you know what? lets schmidt try to break up jess and nick with weird sex to express his sadness and everything ends well...
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To me, this isn't the Douchebag Schmidt, the Douchebag Schmidt was funny and always made a trip to "jarland"; this Schmidt is mean Schmidt, and I think they should stop with that, cause it's not good; I love Schmidt, but not this one. This one is evil and gratuitously a jerk to his best friend and his girlfriend. Not good, guys, not good!
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So far this season I am surprised by the stuff that is great & awful because it was not at all what I expected.
  • I am liking A LOT Jess & Nick while I was dreading how their being a couple was going to be handled. So good, fantastic, cute and funny, often absurd.
  • I am loving Winston and his becoming a cat gentleman (I assume this is the equivalent to the cat lady cliche) who doesn't even notice the hot blonde hitting on him (implausible but so genius).
  • And biggest surprise of all, I can't stand this Schmidt. Douche Schmidt i can deal with but this petty, hateful, cowardly Schmidt who two-timed CeCe & Elizabeth because a long time ago he was fat. Nope, it is neither funny nor clever, IMO.
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Douche schmidt was great, I'm sure he'll goes back to normal soon, if not next episode because I think he knows it now.
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Good episode, but i think the potential evil Schmidt from the last episode did not live up to the hype.
Judging by the subtle way Winston has been going loopy this season, i was hoping for a slower build with evil Schmidt - drawing it out a bit longer and building it up.
Nick and Jess were a bit annoying to me - especially outside the bedroom.

MVP was Winston and his whole situation this week was summed up by his delivery of "So how often do you groom your cat" = totally oblivious
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Oh my god maybe Im a horrible person and a grumpy bitch, but oh Jesse and Nick annoye me. Look I LOVE them together and Im SO HAPPY for them. and I want them to stay together, but pleeaaase stop showing me them having sex and doing all that kissy kissy stuff. I hate that. I cant be the only one out there who things happy couples (yes also after 1 month) dont have to do or be like that?? I would be annoyed with my friends if they would act like that... just keep it for yourself.. And maybe Im just tired of it after aaall those tv shows, but can u be happy without having ,,the best sex ever and do it so everyone notice it"? One day they will be ,,normal" and then be disappointed.. probably. And Schmidt... ooh so annoying aswell. And they fell for it? really? And he was such a mean ass.. Its not even funny. The second half was way better! Wintson aswell.. come on she wants sex cant u see? Im sorry its a Comdey but it was just annoying for me ;)
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Jess is annoying as an individual. Of course this couple was going to be annoying.
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It was a good episode but I don't know what to make of Winston these days. Now that he has character traits, and they are creeeeepy, he just bores me a little. It doesn't feel very real. Giving him a cat was a smart move but giving him actual people to interact with is better. We saw a glimpse of that when he told his roommates how ridiculous everyone was behaving.
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Staff
I think the writers definitely need to be careful not to wear out Creepy Winston's welcome. I agree that he needs to start interacting with humans again-- probably soon too. He can't JUST be around for creepy laughs, otherwise that's not much better than when he wasn't getting storylines.
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I'm afraid the logical conclusion you two have led us to is that Winston must now date CeCe.
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I think the difficult thing is, when they had Winston interacting with other people (women) his storylines always ended up being so separate from the main group. With the Schmit/CeCe and Nick/Jess ships, Winston winds up being a third wheel (fifth wheel?), but when he'd paired with someone else, he seems separate from the core cast.
It's hard! But one things for sure, giving him a cat won't be able to solve the problem all season.
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This is my favorite episode of the season so far. I laughed A LOT. Schmidt on full-on douchebag mode is always funny (it reminded me a lot of "Parking Spot"). And I think it was totally on-character the fact that Nick would've been psychologically manipulated by Schmidt and he would start to second-guess his decisions. What I like the most about this episode was how all the storylines and characters were brought together in the end and we had all the loft friends talking their issues out. I truly enjoyed this episode!
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The best part of this episode was Winston's cluelessness about the actual intent by the cat lady as to their "date". His tunnel vision about "gettin' some" for Ferguson was just hilarious to watch.

Great performances from all cast members this week. And Cece using Schmidt's note to throw out her gum. That was harsh!
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Fun fact: the cat lady was Riki Lindhome, one half of Garfunkel and Oats, along with Kate Micucci (Raj's girlfriend on TBBT, Sabrina's cousin on Raising Hope, and the Gooch on Scrubs). Check out YouTube for their genuinely lovely songs like:


"Fuck You" (from Scrubs, sort of)

"Fuck Me In The Ass Because I Love Jesus (The Loophole)"
"Pregnant Women Are Smug"
"Weed Card"
"One Night Stand"

"Booty Call Voicemail & Self Esteem"
"Sex With Ducks"

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I knew she looked familiar!
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I have heard Garfunkel and Oates on The Bob and Tom Show. Riki Lindholme also played Sheldon Cooper's creepy stalker grad assistant in an earlier season of TBBT.
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To be fair to CeCe, she didn't know he was watching her like the creep that he is these days...
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So was what Schmidt did to her.
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No doubt.
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IMO it was the weakest episode of the season (so far) but still a hilarious episode. i love the quality of of this show. a+
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"Let's try to help. We have 3 smart people here..."

When Nick, Jess and WInston were at the table talking about ideas for Ferguson before he get's fixed. I guess my idea of smart is quite different than Nicks. Nearly spit out my water when he said that.
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This one's gonna be hard to top. It took everything that had been established about the characters (Jess is awkward, Nick is insecure, Schmidt is awful, but lovably awful) and used it in a plot that amplified their best (or worst) traits to maximum effect. If the show can keep up this momentum, we're in for the best season of the series.
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Only a very few seconds of Hannah Simone. Winston is the MVP tonight. The cat brothel. No flaming, but next week I want to Winston in a pimp hat. Also, bring back Nadja.
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I think we all know where this is going, Nick is going to say I love you and Jess is going to freak
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Staff
NO! (Probably.)
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I find it very bizarre neither has said it to the other yet.
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Even I've noticed, and well, I would normally consider New Girl's entire run to be too soon for that sort of declaration. Yet they've really only been together a few episodes. I think they are going out of their way to highlight it.
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Staff
Oh man, I've started to notice that too.
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So how can I become a Zaniac?
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Glad Schmidt is no longer after Nessy. Also Winston and the Cat brothel...
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Yeh I was afraid this was going to be a multi-episode thing, perhaps for a good chunk of the season. I didn't want to watch an Evil Schmidt constantly firing pot-shots at them all season.

But if it's done then that's great.
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so Nick has feelings now? idk if I like that yet

Fav part was Jess and Nick trying to solve Nicks problem... and now we all know that Nick has a thing for Papa Smurf
also loved how Winston said it was wrong that he was the most sane in the apartment when he was the one with the cat brothel in his bedroom
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I'm glad they both resolved the Schmidt trying to break up Nick and Jess and turn it into what would be the real issue...thank you Winston...
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Schmidt is evil.
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