New Girl Season 2 Episode 19

Jess: Why do you smell so good?
Nick: It's cause I did laundry. I smell like a baby in a damn meadow. Look at this. My underwear.
Jess: What? What?
Nick: They're blue now. I think it's cause I put colors in the whites. I'm still figuring it out, but I'm really excited about laundry.

Winston: (about the lionfish) Where'd you get that?
Cece: You know, one of the perks of being a model. You get to meet a lot of sketchy people. The guy who got me this also said he could get me a box of dolphin steaks or a mostly white baby.

Schmidt: (after being stung by jellyfish) I want you to pee on my face.
Winston: What?
Schmidt: You need to pee on my face.
Winston: I can't.
Schmidt: It will sterilize the wound. Please do it, Winston.
Winston: I cannot pee on your face.
Schmidt: I thought you were with me till the end.
Winston: I just peed in the ocean, so I'm all out.
Schmidt: You peed in the ocean? Disgusting.
Winston: Look, look, I know this is a dumb question. But will number 2 help?

Schmidt: Look Winston, if there was one thing that stood between you and happiness, don't you think I would be there to help you get it? No matter how stupid it was?
Winston: You're right, Schmidt. If I was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.
Schmidt: Yeah, you're damn right I would be. And I would probably be there to make it even stupider.

Nick: I don't trust fish. They breathe water. That's just crazy.

Schmidt: (about his aquarium) This is where I will keep my lionfish.
Jess: Your lionfish?
Schmidt: A rare beauty. The result of generations of interracial fish breeding. Just undulating in that water with that wry smile. Perfect, round fish breasts.