Schmidt: Gretchen, you think that, like, hooking up at all these weddings...I mean, one of these times, can we go on an actual date?
Gretchen: No, I'm just using you for your body.
Schmidt: Oh, okay. Cool.
Schmidt: Jess, I have to home with Brooke tonight. I deserve someone like Brooke. She's perfect, and it doesn't matter that I have gymnastic, mean-spirited, highly-educational sex with Gretchen. It's just--that's not what I want anymore, okay? Not tonight.
Jess: What's so bad about liking Gretchen? I mean, you guys obviously have, like, a weird connection.
Schmidt: No, no, no, no. I want to connect with Brooke. I want to connect with her in the shower, on the floor...
Jess: Okay, you know what? You can keep talking, but I'm gonna put my hands over my ears.
Schmidt: ...sitting Indian-style.
Jess: (to Caroline) Well, I'm Nicholas's girlfriend. We just started dating, so we're still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it.
Schmidt: There's Brooke.
Jess: Who's Brooke?
Nick: He's been into her since freshmen year. She used to get drunk and pass out on our porch. It was like having a hot, alcoholic cat. I'd always leave water out for her.
Jess: Hey. She has a boyfriend. She shouldn't have been flirting with you all night. You can't be her back up plan. You have to let each other go. So now, you have to make a decision. Am I gonna stay locked in a photo booth for the next hour? Or am I gonna get out there, take my shoes off, and dance my face off? Come on, it's up to you.
Nick: (To girls in photo booth) You guys wanna see a grown man cry? No? Then get out!
Although credited, Hannah Simone (Cecilia "Cece" Meyers) does not appear in this episode.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: October 4, 2011 on Citytv
United Kingdom: January 20, 2012 on Channel 4/Channel 4 HD
Germany: January 18, 2012 on ProSieben
Finland: February 27, 2012 on Sub