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NBC (ended 1999)

Favorite Quotes

  • Avatar of hishighness420

    hishighness420

    [1]Nov 15, 2006
    • member since: 01/07/05
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 3
    Here are some of my favs.

    Dave: Bill you didn't, you didn't tape record a phone conversation with Lisa?
    Bill: Oh relax Dave, she didn't KNOW I was taping the call, she had no idea!


    Dave: Ahhh! You startled me, I didn't hear you come in.
    Joe: It's an old Green Beret trick.
    Dave: You were a Green Beret?
    Joe: No, but I read a book called "Old Green Beret Tricks."

    Dave: We need to think of Mr. James, he's very lonely.
    Matthew: Why can't he just buy a cat?
    Dave: *pauses* He's Lutheran.

    Mr. James: Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Rupert Murdoch, Bruce Wayne.
    Dave: Sir, Bruce Wayne is Batman.
    Mr. James: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

    Dave: Bill, I'd like you to meet Steve Johnson.
    Bill: Hi Steve.
    Steve: Hello Bill, how are you?
    *Bill Punches Steve*
    Dave: THAT was your plan?
    Bill: I panicked.....I only did it for you Dave.
    Dave: Yeah that's what John Hinckley said.
    Bill: Which reminds me of a little song.
    Dave: DON'T!

    Andrea: Ah Dave I don't wanna be a broken record here but this is the disipline problem I was talking about.
    Bill: What the piano? Oh this was Steve's idea, wasn't it Steve?
    Steve: Yes sir, Mr. McNeil.

    Dave: Well here's the situation as I understand it. Lisa has decided that she wants to have a baby, but that she doesn't want to get married. Now I know that if you were awake you'd probably say something like: "Well son why milk the cow when you got a fridge full of steaks?" And I would probably say "That makes absolutely no sense sir." and then I'm sure you would say "Well it sure sounded like it made sense when that guy Chuck Conners said it in that movie Chinatown." And then I would be forced to say "Well sir, Chuck Conners wasn't in the movie Chinatown." And I'm sure you would come back with "Well Dave if I wanted to have this conversation I would have hired that guy Siskel Ebert to do your job." And I would say "Sir Siskel and Ebert are two guys." and I'm sure you would then come back with "Dave, just cuz the man is fat is no reason to make fun of him."

    Dave: I wish I was big.
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  • Avatar of fiveironbell

    fiveironbell

    [2]Nov 17, 2006
    • member since: 05/16/06
    • level: 11
    • rank: Red Shirted Lt.
    • posts: 229
    Dave: You actually dyed you hair gray to convince me to bring back the sandwich machine?
    Bill: Yes, I did! Now do you understand how important this is to me?
    Dave: Only if you dyed all your hair gray to match.
    Bill: I did!

    Dave: Have you ever heard the expression that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar?
    Bill: Have you ever heard the expression that only a hillbilly sits around figuring out the best way to catch flies?

    maybe I'll think of more later.
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  • Avatar of Angelwomyn

    Angelwomyn

    [3]Nov 27, 2006
    • member since: 06/13/05
    • level: 65
    • rank: Chosen One
    • posts: 1,430
    Beth: What do you do when you're in a relationship and the sexual heat starts to fade?
    Dave: Gosh, I don't know. Ask my boss about it?

    (Beth is sitting around reading a magazine)
    Bill: What are you doing for lunch?
    Beth: The same thing I'm doing right now, except with yogurt.

    Bill: You're not in Wisconsin, Dave. The big story isn't some cow that wandered into the town square.
    Dave: Bill, I worked in Milwaukee. It's a city of over a million people.
    Bill: So there must have been quite a hubbub when that cow got loose.
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  • Avatar of mrjimmyjames

    mrjimmyjames

    [4]Mar 16, 2011
    • member since: 05/13/10
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 419

    Dave: I'm sorry, Andrea, apparently we all didn't watch as much Zoom as you did.

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  • Avatar of northofU

    northofU

    [5]Jul 15, 2012
    • member since: 07/16/12
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 1

    Airport Episode-


    Exchange between Bill and Dave while standing in airport ticket line-


    Dave: You know Bill, there is really nothing they can do about the fact we are snowed in so why don't we just sit down and wait patiently?


    Bill: Sorry my friend I don't play that game.


    Dave: Please, don't make a scene. We are not in New York.


    Bill: We're not? You're kidding. Gee, and I almost mistook the museum of yarn for the Guggenheim.


    Dave: Have you ever heard the expression that when life gives you lemons who should just make lemonade?


    Bill: Great, I knew it. Four days in the mid-west and you've already reverted right back to what you were.


    Dave: No, this is who I am Bill. I'm a polite, reasonable, friendly person.


    Bill: You are like one of those trained police attack dogs they set loose in the wild and goes all soft and gets eaten by a deer or something.


    Dave: What?


    Bill: Have you ever heard the expression when life gives you lemons make lemonade and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place?

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