NewsRadio Season 5 Episode 4

Beth: When I said Max needed some mothering, I didn't mean it literally.
Matthew: I'm just taking a few pictures of him, you know they don't stay this age forever.
Beth: Yeah, those early forties just fly right by.

(Discussing how to make Dave relax)
Beth: If you guys hold him down, I can force him into some yoga positions.

Lisa: Okay, this is our last chance. Just keep it simple. Get in, get out.
Joe: Get in, get out! Right!
Lisa: Joe, you're yelling.
Max: Take out your earplugs.
Joe: I'm not wearing 'em. I'm just pumped!

Max: Welcome to Max Louis' "This Day In History". On this date in 1777, there was a brief lull in the fighting at Valley Forge. Why don't we take the opportunity to make a direct, person to person call to General George Washington on the "Max Louis History Phone". Hello hello! Is this the father of our country?
Joe: Yeah.
Max: Well sir, these must be bleak times for your ragtag band of starving revolutionaries.
Joe: Sucks, dude.
Max: Tell me, what strategy will you use to defeat the waves of invading redcoats?
Joe: The only strategy I know. A straight up, street smart, all American ass kicking!
Max: You heard it first! You heard it live! On Max Louis' This Day In History. "Max Louis History Phone" a registered trademark of Max Louis Incorporated.

Joe: I made you something, dude.
Dave: What is it, a time machine?
Joe: Dave, do you see a steering wheel on this thing?
Dave: My mistake. Sorry.
Joe: It's a white noise machine. Its soothing electronic noise will help you relax.
Dave: Aren't those things usually a little smaller?
Joe: Welcome to the big leagues, Dave, 'cause those little baby machines have maybe three settings at the most.
Dave: Mm hm. This one?
Joe: Four. Ocean surf, summer rain, Alpine snowdrift, and Yosemite lullaby.
Dave: Joe, great, but maybe I'll try it tomorrow, alright? You mind just turning it off now?
Joe: Oh, the off switch doesn't come until this weekend.
Dave: Is there a volume switch?
Joe: Yeah you want it louder?
Dave: No, softer.
Joe: Ehh, I'll have to get back to you on that one.