Dave: (listening to his white noise machine, which consists of outside noises) That's my favorite cricket.
Beth: When I said Max needed some mothering, I didn't mean it literally.
Matthew: I'm just taking a few pictures of him, you know they don't stay this age forever.
Beth: Yeah, those early forties just fly right by.
(Discussing how to make Dave relax)
Beth: If you guys hold him down, I can force him into some yoga positions.
Lisa: Okay, this is our last chance. Just keep it simple. Get in, get out.
Joe: Get in, get out! Right!
Lisa: Joe, you're yelling.
Max: Take out your earplugs.
Joe: I'm not wearing 'em. I'm just pumped!
Max: Welcome to Max Louis' "This Day In History". On this date in 1777, there was a brief lull in the fighting at Valley Forge. Why don't we take the opportunity to make a direct, person to person call to General George Washington on the "Max Louis History Phone". Hello hello! Is this the father of our country?
Max: Well sir, these must be bleak times for your ragtag band of starving revolutionaries.
Joe: Sucks, dude.
Max: Tell me, what strategy will you use to defeat the waves of invading redcoats?
Joe: The only strategy I know. A straight up, street smart, all American ass kicking!
Max: You heard it first! You heard it live! On Max Louis' This Day In History. "Max Louis History Phone" a registered trademark of Max Louis Incorporated.
Joe: I made you something, dude.
Dave: What is it, a time machine?
Joe: Dave, do you see a steering wheel on this thing?
Dave: My mistake. Sorry.
Joe: It's a white noise machine. Its soothing electronic noise will help you relax.
Dave: Aren't those things usually a little smaller?
Joe: Welcome to the big leagues, Dave, 'cause those little baby machines have maybe three settings at the most.
Dave: Mm hm. This one?
Joe: Four. Ocean surf, summer rain, Alpine snowdrift, and Yosemite lullaby.
Dave: Joe, great, but maybe I'll try it tomorrow, alright? You mind just turning it off now?
Joe: Oh, the off switch doesn't come until this weekend.
Dave: Is there a volume switch?
Joe: Yeah you want it louder?
Dave: No, softer.
Joe: Ehh, I'll have to get back to you on that one.
Max: I have a question.
Dave: Is it work related?
Max: It's about this meeting.
Dave: What about it?
Max: Well, uh, thank you. I was just wondering.
Dave: Uh huh.
Max: You know, when it was that you feel that, you know, this whole meeting, here, is going to be over.
Max: Last train to Boresville.
This is a reference to the song Last Train to Clarksville by the Monkees.
Dave: All we are is dust in the wind.
When Dave is in an extremely relaxed state, he quotes a line from the chorus of Dust in the Wind by Kansas.