Season 5 Episode 13


Aired Tuesday 8:30 PM Feb 02, 1999 on NBC

Episode Recap

Matthew walks in to find the staff surprising him for his 30th birthday but he is not happy about it. As they start to sing Happy Birthday, he cuts them off by saying, "Shut up!" He then proceeds to rub the cake in his face and storm out. When he doesn't return right away, Beth worries about him while talking to Dave who says that he's just acting strange because he's turning thirty. Beth says, "Dave, Matthew saw the balloons and he did not shout goodie! I say that's a little bit more than strange!"

Jimmy walks into Dave's office to gather the staff so he can announce his plans to build a 200 story skyscraper because that's what rich men do to leave a legacy. In the main office he reveals the Jimmy James Towers (shaped as two giant J's for his initials) by snatching off a sheet, telling them that it's going to be the biggest building in the world with "14 swimming pools, 2 golf courses, a food court with it's own justice system, and 2 floors just for dogs alone and wait for it (turns on flashing lights atop the model building), the biggest damn disco you ever saw!"

The staff all have their doubts about the probability of such a building, especially Lisa. That's when Matthew walks in dressed outrageously like a punk rocker with blue-streaked hair, spiked body jewelry, a shirt with skulls all over it and white face paint. They all just stare until Max slowly says, "Oh, my, God." To which Matthew replies, "Take a picture it lasts longer!" Jimmy asks why he's dressed like that and Matthew, now sporting an English accent, says that he's a free man that doesn't have to wear a suit and a tie and rambles on about a fascist state. Matthew storms off again but Beth sets up Dave to go talk to him which obviously is a task nobody wants to do.

Dave follows Matthew into the break room where he's sitting on top of the table listening to his headphones and reading Cracked magazine. He tells Dave not to give him "guff" for drinking "brewskis in the office" but Dave points out that "root beer doesn't count as a brewski." Dave tries to pacify him by telling him that he went through a punk phase as well to which Matthew replies, "Question: Do I care? Answer: No bloody way!" Matthew ends up telling Dave that seeing the 30 candles on the cake "broke the camels arse" and that he never went through a punk phase because he always lived by the rules. As Dave leaves him to it, Matthew puts his headphones back on and starts singing along to a song that is anything but a punk song: Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell, to much comic effect.

Joe begins to get angry about Matthew and his new look and attitude, having to be stopped by Beth so as not to beat him up. Beth asks, "Joe why are you growling, you're not going to hurt him are you?" Joe admits explicitly, "Yeah, I'm gonna hurt 'em a little. I thought that was me Beth, I've been beating up punks ever since I was a little kid, they like it! It makes them feel oppressed." Instead, he goes down to the alternative record store to kick some you-know-what.

Lisa informs Jimmy that the "Jumbo Jimbos" will cast a shadow over much of Central Park starting at 2pm, whereas, "plants will die, people will get mugged and children will be deprived of vitamin D." Jimmy doesn't care about the Landmarks Preservation Bureau in regards to the demolition of several historic blocks because he hopes to slip it past them. Also because while building the bottom part something could happen and implode three city blocks just by happenstance. Lisa then goes on to tell him that she's a reporter and that she has a duty to report this to the public. No matter, Jimmy just says that she's forgetting one thing, "Disco, world's biggest disco right there!"

Max then enters Dave's office to complain about Matthew's behavior. They walk out and there is Matthew, sitting at his desk that is now decorated with rock & roll posters and covered with CDs. Every time Max goes near Matthew's desk, he annoyingly says, "Nerd!" over and over again. Then, to prove his point further to Dave, Max puts his arm in and out of the threshold that separates Max and Matthew's desk and in morse code style, Matthew yells, "Neeerd. Nerd, nerd, ne-ner, nerd!" Dave says that shouting nerd when someone enters his airspace is not what punk is all about. Matthew goes, "I wish I had a pretty litle face like yours, so I could SMASH it (then punches his hand and pounds his desk)!"

Dave tries to reason with him and notices the Cds and is appalled to see the likes of Stryper, Winger and the Best of Jon Bon Jovi. "Matthew, I don't mind you changing your appearance but when...when you start bringing crap like this into the office I have to draw the line!" Matthew tells him that "You can't stop the music old man." He storms out grabbing his CDs saying "Good day fascist, I said good day fascist!" as the CDs go flying.

Next is Lisa in the booth covering "The Jimmy James Towers. Total eclipse of the park." She mentions that the Landmark board is now reconsidering the idea and that 50 "peaceful" protesters are demonstrating outside WNYX's studios. Queue Jimmy who walks in completely mangled by the mob of "peaceful" protesters outside. "Help Jimmy," he says with torn clothing, disheveled hair and crooked broken glasses. He screams at Lisa, "Yoooou!" as Beth takes him into the break room for some pudding to help him calm down and fix him up.

"Oh my God," Lisa says distressfully as Dave tells her to "Calm, calm, calm down, it's not like you personally attacked him." "No I didn't," she says, "other people did it. I'm completely innocent." "Exactly," Dave assures her to which she exclaims, "Yeah, just like Charles Manson." Matthew then walks in and explains where he's been, getting a rather large tattoo across his stomach that says MAYHEM.

Lisa walks into the break room to check on Jimmy and apologizes because she thought the protesters would be a lot more, "Wussier." Jimmy wants to crush his model building because he can't build it anymore because he lost his permits and "Everybody in the city seems to have gone sunshine crazy." Lisa doesn't understand why Jimmy wants the towers to be his legacy and he goes on to talk about Guggenheim and how he was just some guy who built an ugly museum and named it after himself and now people look at it and go "Hey Guggenheim!" He says that he's just a big fat nothing to which Lisa replies, "Sir, you are hardly nothing." Jimmy: "You're right, maybe I'm not nothing." Lisa: "Of course you're not nothing." Jimmy: "I'm Jimmy James!" Lisa: "That's right." Jimmy: "Jimmy James!" Lisa: "The one and only Jimmy James." Jimmy: (standing up) "Yeah, the guy who's gonna blow up the Guggenheim!" Lisa: (blocks the door) "No, sir, no!"

Cut to Matthew kicking the crap out of the vending machine in the lobby in a most hilariously physical way. Dave walks over to him perturbed, with his signature question: "Matthew! What, are you doing?" Startled he says still with his British accent, "Just trying to get a packet of crisps and the flippin' machine ate me quid!" "Okay, first off we have dollars not quids, we call them potato chips not crisps, and we do not kick vending machines." Matthew: "You know what I think of that? (he lifts his shirt up) REVOLUTION!!" "It says mayhem Matthew." He tells Dave how he was going to get revolution but it had too many letters. Then Dave tells him to start coming to work on time, to actual do his work and to begin acting and dressing as a radio professional "not like some 14-year old glue huffer!" "You know what I think of your rules?" "If you show me your belly one more time you're fired." Matthew proceeds to pull down his pants and moon Dave saying "Kiss me bum monkey!"

Meanwhile Lisa suggests that Jimmy build a bridge. "Lisa, nobody ever says anything good about a brdge. Alright, it'd be like, ah, traffic was blocked up for hours today, on the JIMMY JAMES, or some, some loser jumped off the JIMMY JAMES today..." He admits that he had a mountain carved out with his likeness but had to have it blown up because they made him look fat.

Back in the main office, Beth asks Joe how his "vigilante justice" is going and he says he couldn't find any punks so he chased some skaters. Asking to come with him next time, Joe tells her that "you gotta get there early before the good ones are already beat up."

In comes Matthew being escorted by a security officer because he was caught stuffing plastic forks down his pants. Dave tells him to go in the break room and think about what he's done. They proceed to have a conversation like a parent and child. Matthew says he likes it better in there anyway, "Not without your comic books you don't," Dave tells him. "I still like it," Matthew says. "Not once I take the microwave out so you can't play with it." Long pause then Matthew says in an exasperated tone, "Whay are you doing this to me?" Dave tells him it's because he cares about him but Matthew doesn't buy it because he feels that Dave just looks at him as an employee. Dave says that he cares about him "Oooh Hell like a man I guess." Matthew says "Look me in the eye," and puts his face directly into Dave's, nose to nose. After looking him in the eye, Matthew sees that Dave is serious and says, "Wow, Dave you really love me." Dave immediately backs away and says, "Care, I said care." So Matthew feels like it's a real moment they are sharing and apologizes for his behavior and eagerly demands to be punished. Relenting, Dave quietly tells him to go wait in the break room. He waits a second, turns and says, "Joe!" And Joe comes running out of Dave's office after Matthew, chasing him out of the break room and into the lobby.

In comes Jimmy and Lisa talking about the towers and Max wants to know why he's so happy if he can't build his towers in NY. Jimmy tells him that they are going to be built in London, "Home of the American werewolf!" When Max points out that the towers will cause the same problems there as they would have in NY, after a long pause Lisa laughs and says, "Who gives a damn about London," (high-fiving Jimmy). Right then Joe is seen chasing Matthew right in front of them into Dave's office with an electric sander. When Matthew slams the door before he can get a chance to get to him, he turns, pauses and says, "Hey Max (who is laughing at the situation) you still got that butterfly on your butt?" Max stops laughing and starts to run when Joes comes rushing at him with the sander. Jimmy does his trademark nod and Lisa cringes as they hear the sander going as Max screams from the lobby.
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