Jimmy: I once had a mountain carved in my likeness.
Lisa: Well, then you already have a legacy, Mr. James.
Jimmy: No, it made me look fat, so I had to blow the whole thing up.
Jimmy: Jimmy James' legacy got shoved down into the sewer with the mutant mole people!
Matthew: I'm a free man and I will not wear a suit and tie like a trained monkey in your fascist little circus!
Dave: Matthew, you've never worn a suit and tie, and you've certainly never been trained.
Dave: Believe it or not, Matthew, I'm doing this because I care about you.
Matthew: Yeah. You care about me like an employee or like a man?
Dave: Oh hell, like a man I guess.
Matthew: Look me in the eye. (puts his face close to Dave's) You're serious. Wow, Dave you really love me.
Dave: Care! I said care.
Matthew: For the last time, lay off my back. I didn't ask to be born.
Dave: No, and by the same token, I didn't give birth to you.
Matthew: Yeah, you're not my mother so don't tell me what to do.
Dave: I'm your boss, and I'm telling you to get in that room for the next hour and think about what you've done.
Matthew: Fine, I like it in there better anyway.
Dave: Not without your comic books you don't.
Matthew: I still like it.
Dave: Not once I take the microwave out so you can't play with it.
Matthew: Why are you doing this to me?
Dave: What do you got here? Striper? Striper and Winger and the best of Jon Bon Jovi? Matthew, I don't mind you changing your appearance, but when you start bringing crap like this into the office I have to draw the line.
Matthew: You can't stop the music, old man. I'm young, I'm strong, and you can't stand it.
Dave: I can't stand this crap.
Matthew: I can't take this. Good day, fascist.
Dave: Matthew, get back here.
Matthew: I said good day, fascist.
Max: You've gotta do something about Matthew.
Dave: Max, he's just going through a phase. It's perfectly natural.
Max: That's easy for you to say. Your desk isn't right next to his.
Dave: I'm sorry, that's just how we do things around here. New guy has to sit next to Matthew.
Joe: I've seen this before. They come in with their drugs and their attitude. Next thing you know, they're hassling the old people and the streets are no longer yours.
Dave: It's Charles Bronson Week on TNT, right?
Joe: Dude, every week is Charles Bronson Week on TNT.
Beth: Why did you do that to your hair?
Matthew: Because my hair has rights, too. Wha' are ya gon' do abou' it?
Jimmy: There comes a time in every man's life when he must turn with bittersweet reverie to thoughts of his legacy.
Lisa: Mr. James, I'm on the air in two minutes.
Jimmy: So I was thinking, what does a rich man usually do to make a lasting impression?
Max: Grow his nails long and collect his urine in jars.
Jimmy: What would you say if I told you your future lay out there in the bullpen?
Dave: I'd say that's the very thought that keeps me awake at night.
Jimmy: Now you can stay awake during the day too, because it's time to shake hands with tomorrow. C'mon.
Beth: Matthew's not back yet.
Dave: Come on, he's turned thirty. He's acting a little strange. It's nothing to panic about.
Beth: Dave, Matthew saw the baloons and he did not shout "goodie". I'd say that's a little more than strange.
Dave: I'll admit it does seem like cause for alarm but let's just try to think happy thoughts.
Jimmy: Did somebody mention happy thoughts?
Dave: Who's the cake for?
Beth: Matthew. It's his birthday.
Dave: Is it? Well if it's Matthew's birthday where's the clown and the pony?
Beth: Dave, come on. A pony?
Dave: Yeah, you're right. Baby stuff, huh. But where's the clown?
Jimmy: You know who Guggenheim was?
Lisa: He was a financier and a philanthropist.
Jimmy: Wrong. He was some guy who built a ugly museum, named it after himself. But, when people see it they go "Hey, Guggenheim." What about me? What about Jimmy James, huh? He's just nothin'. A big, fat nothin'.
Lisa: Sir, you are hardly nothing.
Jimmy: Well, you're right. M-maybe I'm not nothin'.
Lisa: Of course you're not nothing.
Jimmy: I'm Jimmy James!
Lisa: That's right!
Jimmy: Jimmy James!
Lisa: The one and only Jimmy James!
Jimmy: Yeah, the guy who's gonna blow up the Guggenheim!
Lisa: No, sir, no!