Judge Harold T. Stone
Willard calls Dan using his full name of Daniel K. Fielding. However, later episodes will reveal his legal middle name is Reinhold.
Dan: Making a return engagement, Miss Congeniality.
Carla: Well, if it isn't my favorite celibate.
Dan: I will have you know that just last month I....
Harry: (banging his gavel) The court would like to congratulate you, Mr. Fielding.
Dan: The usual.
Billie: The usual.
Harry: Then it's the usual. Fifty dollar fine and time served.
Selma: That's why I love this job. Each case is a drama unto itself.
Billie: Good luck, Harry.
Mac: Go get 'em, your honor.
Bull: Break a leg, sir.
Selma: Waste 'em.
Willard: Remember what I once told you about rocking our boat, Stone?
Harry: Remind me after the session, Willard. I thought of a perfect place for you to store that boat.
Landis: Judge Stone, will you be represented by counsel?
Harry: I will be defending myself, Your Honor.
Landis: "He who represents himself has a fool for a client." Who said that?
Willard: Oliver Wendell Holmes.
Landis: Who cares?
Landis: Do you understand the charges brought against you and the jeopardy involved?
Harry: Yes, sir, I do.
Landis: Well, you're one up on me.
Harry: Your Honor, to expedite matters, the incident did take place but it was between sessions. It was a rough night, I was just trying to lighten up the mood a little bit. A little levity never hurts.
Landis: Good point. It was mine, wasn't it?
Selma: So anyway, this guy looks like Leon DeMarcus took me to my senior prom. I woke up in a rowboat and I sat there with a bottle of cheap wine and a song in my heart. What was the question?
Landis: You may be seated.
Bull: I am seated.
Landis: Oh, yes, so you are. Hey, what's with the hair?
Bull: It's gone.
Willard: Mr. Shannon, for two years you've served in Judge Stone's court, witnessing his obvious lack of respect for things traditional. You must have formulated some opinion of him, hmm?
Bull: I'd take a bullet between the eyes for that man. I'd jump on a live grenade to save his life. I'd hammer a nail through my skull if he asked me to.
Harry: None of this has anything to do with my competency at the bench.
Landis: I think we should let a court decide that, Judge Stone.
Willard: Uh, you are the court, sir.
Landis: Say, that's convenient, isn't it?
Mac: I, uh, found your dribble glass. It was in the guards' lounge.
Harry: You keep it.
Mac: Well, thanks, your honor. Every time Bull drools, I'll think of you.
Landis: I'm not senile, Stone, I've been like this for 50 years. So even if I do become senile, people will never know. Come to think of it, I won't know either, will I?
Mac: Well, perhaps I'd better be going.
Carla: Harry Stone is the sexiest men I know. And the truth is, I would love to sleep with him.
Mac: I guess I have a minute.
Landis: Come on, I'll explain it over a couple of pina coladas. Oh, don't worry. I'm a judge, not a dirty old man. I lied, I'm both.
Harry: Oh, Mouseketeers? Club's still in session.
Referencing The Mickey Mouse Club, a 1950s ABC TV series produced by Walt Disney which featured a group of teenagers (the Mouseketeers) singing and dancing, interspersed with Disney cartoons. It was later revived in the 1970s as The New Mickey Mouse Club where stars such as Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Justin Timberlake started their early careers.
Dan rolling a pair of metal balls in his hand
Referencing the 1954 movie The Caine Mutiny, where Captain Queeg (Humphrey Bogart) is questioned on the stand as to his part in the events that led to his minesweeper almost sinking. Queeg has a nervous habit of rolling a pair of steel balls in his hand when under pressure.
Landis: That's where I got my Captain Video helmet!
Referencing the 1950s Dumont TV series Captain Video and His Video Rangers, featuring the adventures of Captain Video, a talented scientist who battled the evil Dr. Pauli with the aid of his video rangers.
Bull: I just pasted his face over Barney Rubble's.
Referencing one the main characters of the animated "modern stone age family" which first aired in 1960. The show revolved around Fred Flintstone, the patriarch of his family who, with his neighbor Barney and Barney's wife Betty, eventually got into a variety of family and suburban exploits. The show ran for six seasons and spawned multiple spinoff series, one animated theatrical feature, several TV specials, and two live-action theatrical movies.
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