Season 4 Episode 7

Burt Landau

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Oct 17, 2006 on FX



  • Trivia

    • Christian's suggestion on dealing with Burt involves 'a 12-gauge and a bunch of hams'. This refers to the Pilot episode when they get rid of Silvio Perez's body by weighting his body with hams and dumping him in the Everglades.

    • When Dawn is having her initial consult with Sean and Christian, she mentions Dwight and Mallory, her husband and her daughter who were seen in the episode Dawn Budge.

    • As Sean and Christian do the surgery at the start of the episode, reference is made to the episode Blu Mondae, where Christian did pro-bono work on the title character after sleeping with her.

  • Quotes

    • (after Burt's surgery, Michelle is preparing to look after him)
      Christian: This is a list of the top in-patient rehab clinics in Miami. Do you and Burt a favour and go take a look at them.
      Michelle: I won't. I won't put him in a nursing home.
      Christian: Of course, you wouldn't want to do anything to piss him off enough to change his will.
      Michelle: You think I want it like this? You think I want to spend the rest of my youth holed up in this tomb? But he's still my husband. He needs me.
      Christian: But you don't love him. You love me. You wanted me to let him die on that table. I saw it in your eyes.
      Michelle: And I saw it in yours. But you saved him anyway. Now it's my turn.

    • (After being tested and found he is a match, Matt is willing to give Liz a kidney)
      Matt: Liz is family, Dad. She used to baby-sit me. She even let me have a swig of beer at one of her barbecues when I was fourteen.
      Liz: (to Matt)You are my hero. But I will not let you do this for me. (to Sean) The acorn didn't fall far from the tree, did it, Daddy?
      (Liz hugs Sean and Julia shows her out; Sean turns to Matt)
      Sean: Do you have any idea how life-altering a kidney donation can be?
      Matt: I've just recently been forced to come to the conclusion that I have spent my entire life taking. So, unless you can come up with a good reason why I shouldn't, I'm going through with it.

    • Christian: I said what I always say, whatever it takes to get me laid.
      Kimber: How can you be so cruel? Why don't you just go screw one of your whores if you needed to get laid?
      Christian: Whores only give you their body. I needed to feel like the most important man in the world. You're the only person who can do that for me. Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm sure there's some chapter in Dianetics that'll help you get through all this.

    • Christian: This shit really works for you, huh?
      Kimber: For once in my life, I feel like there's something I can give myself freely to and I can expect the same in return.
      Christian: I never gave to you anything?
      Kimber: You wanted to. But it always came with a price.

    • (Christian finds out that Burt had taken Viagra on the night he had a stroke and confronts Michelle, suggesting she gave it to him)
      Christian: I'm suggesting it's a little odd for a man to take a drug that every doctor he's seen over the last two years said could kill him.
      Michelle: How dare you! I am not a murderer!
      Christian: You're saying that through all of this, the surgeries, you and me, you never wished he was dead?
      Michelle: Wishing and actually doing something about it are two very different things. I thought you knew me.

    • Liz: How's the baby, Sean?
      Sean: Good. Bigger. Starting to smile.
      Liz: It's great when they start to give a little something back, huh?

    • Dr Kapler: (about the mouse who is growing Dawn's new ear on his back) We call him Vincent.
      Sean: After the nineteenth-century painter Vincent Van Gogh. He's infamous for cutting off his ear.
      Dawn Budge: Thanks, Sister Wendy. I just bought one of his paintings. I got it hanging in my bathroom. Every time I take a dump now, I feel artistic.

    • (Burt has had a stroke, leaving one side of his face paralyzed)
      Sean: I'm sorry, but if the clot is fully dissolved and he's already on anti-coagulants, what do you want us to do?
      Burt: You're my plastic surgeon. Fix my goddamn face.

    • Sean: Have you any idea what this 'come-to-Jesus' meeting with Burt is all about?
      Christian: Yeah, we're gonna get fired. He found out about Michelle and I and he said if we didn't screw in front of him, that he would tear the business apart. Turns out the old bird is a kinky bastard.
      Sean: Jesus, Christian. I should have known if anything was going to bring this place to its knees, it'd be your dick.

    • Nurse: Would you describe yourself as promiscuous, Doctor? Your blood tested high for an antibody that only appears in people with an unusually high number of sexual partners.
      Christian: So I can't give Liz a kidney because I've had too much sex? There's irony for you.

    • (Matt makes a pass at Kimber in the sauna and she turns him down)
      Matt: Look, Kimber, I'm sorry, but I like you. I guess you have that effect on the men in my family.
      Kimber: And you thought that because I had relationships with your dads that I was just going to screw you too? I thought you were different than they were, Matt.
      Matt: Yeah, I am! I'm spiritual. I just spent the last month picking up shit in front of church buildings, for Christ's sake!
      Kimber: Did you do that for your growth, or to impress me? (When he doesn't answer, Kimber goes to the sauna door and opens it) OK, get out. I don't feel safe with you here anymore. Go.

    • Dawn Budge: I was ear-jacked.
      Sean: Carjacked?
      Dawn Budge: Ear-jacked! (she rips a bandage from the side of her face to show that her ear has been removed) Jesus! I got one ear, I can hear better than you!

    • Christian: How can you be with a man who treats you that way? Why do you stay, for the money?
      Michelle: What am I supposed to do? I lose everything if I leave. I won't go back to that hole I was in before I met Burt.
      Christian: What hole, hooking? Doesn't seem like you ever stopped.

    • Nephrologist: Do you have any family that might be willing to volunteer as a donor?
      Liz: My only living relative is my mother and, when my father died last year, she banned me from the funeral. As far as she's concerned, my being gay is what killed him so I don't think that she's going to be offering up a kidney any time soon.

    • (as Sean does pro-bono work on a patient)
      Christian: Free surgeries are like sex without an orgasm.
      Sean: Unless, of course, the patient's name is Blu Mondae, in which case the free surgery follows an orgasm.

    • Dawn:I Wipe my ass with $100 bills!

    • Dawn: A perfect 6 out of 6, just like my Power Ball ticket. I guess lightening really can strike twice.
      Christian: Especially when it has such a large target.
      Dawn: That target didn't seem to bother you when you were pinning me to your apartment floor sweet cheeks.

    • Dawn: You think I can come by every now and then and visit my kidney? You know, a coffee or something?
      Liz: I don't think I can say no.
      Dawn: How's next Thursday?
      Liz: Ok.
      Christian: Looks like you got a friend for life there Lizzy. You sure it's worth it?
      (Liz looks at Sean)
      Sean: How we doing?
      Liz: Scared.
      Christian: Relax, you're among friends.
      (Liz looks at Dawn)
      Liz: Thank you.
      Dawn: My privilege.

    • (Sean walks into the room with Liz)
      Liz: Hey Sean.
      Sean: We need to talk.
      Liz: About Matt? I know, he's adamant about giving me his kidney. I'm afraid he's going to leave it on my doorstep in a gift wrapped cooler.
      Sean: You don't need Matt's Kidney, because I'm going to give you mine.
      Liz: That is very sweet Sean, but I think that we're both going to feel a little silly when my body rejects it.
      Sean: It won't. I'm a 5 of 6 match for you. I lied about my test results. I'm sorry Liz, I was scared. The surgery, the recovery, I just…
      Liz: Didn't want to end up like me…..Why the change of heart? I would never have known that you lied.
      Sean: I made a list of the people I thought would give me a kidney, it was pretty short. Then I made a list of people I'd give one to, It was even shorter….I always thought of myself as a good friend, someone that you can count on. It wasn't until all this happened that I realized, I was full of shit. What I'm saying Liz…I love you, I don't want to loose you. You're going to take my kidney; I scheduled the operation for tomorrow. Shit, scary huh?
      Liz: I have never asked you to do this for me Sean.
      Sean: You shouldn't of had to.
      Liz: The truth is, I can't. Frankly your kidneys not hot enough. You're only 5 of 6. I have found a better match.
      Sean: A better match? Who?

    • Dawn is looking in the mirror at her ear
      Liz: Looks good. What happened?
      Dawn: Ear jacked. You?
      Liz: Someone stole my kidney.
      (Looking at the dialysis machine)
      Dawn: I didn't know they did real medical stuff in here too.
      Liz: They don't. Sean and Christian set that up for me so I could work a couple hours a day.
      Dawn: Wow! That is really nice of them to do that for you. I mean come on, you think about it, the last thing some socialite wants to see after her eye job, somebody having a blood scrubbing right? (pause) How'd yah do it? You know, get them to care about you so much.
      Liz: I'm sure you have people in your life that would do the same for you.
      Dawn: Yeah, I got plenty of people, most of them showed up right when the money did. (Dawn looks out the door)
      Liz: You expecting someone?
      Dawn: Not really. I thought maybe my ex and my daughter might stop by, but their back in Pensacola now, so….
      Liz: Maybe they don't know what happened to you.
      Dawn: Bullshit, I did an exclusive two parter on Mantel, they never ever miss an episode. (pause) You know how much money I've spent since I won that Power Ball? $20 million. Yeah, I got a huge house, I got more ice than a Eskimo, I got a race horse I never even seen and you know what, I'd give twice that right now to have somebody walk through that door and just hold my hand. I use to raise ferrets you know, before the money. There was this one, knickers, cutest thing I ever saw in my life. She got her little paw caught in the trailer door; I hawked my entire Franklin mint collection on e-bay just to pay her vet bills. You know I nursed her, she got better, I loved her you know. I could tell she loved me too. And look at me now. You know how I got this ear? I killed a mouse for it. Vincent. Cute little gut too. He grew the ear on his back you know, and I let him sacrifice himself just so I could look good in my Jill St Johns.
      Liz: I'm sure Vincent understood.
      Dawn: The point is, I gave more when I had nothin'. Like I traded my soul for all that money you know. Then I look at you I mean, the victim of a horrible crime, and what gets you through? The hope that maybe, for a couple of hours a day, you get to be a doctor. You're a hero. You are and I'm a big fat zero. God, what happened to me?
      Liz: (holding out her had to Dawn)Too bad they can't grow a kidney on the back of a mouse, huh?

    • Dawn: (talking about a mouse) Isn't he adorable? I always had a thing for baldies. (giggling) Look, look at him, oh gosh. Oh, to think what this little guy is going to go through just so I can wear a pair of sunglasses again.
      Lab Doctor: We like to think that we are creating life of the noblest form, dedicated solely to making others well.
      Dawn: (Looking back at Sean) Just like you doc.

  • Notes

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Czech Republic: January 14, 2009 on TV Nova

    • This is one of only two episodes this season in which all six actors named in the opening credits appear in the episode. The other is Blu Mondae.

    • Rosie O'Donnell (Dawn) and Sanaa Lathan (Michelle) were credited as "Special Guest Stars". At the same time, Lathan received the "And" credit.

    • Larry Hagman receives the 'special appearance by' credit.

    • Music featured in the episode:
      "Best friend" by Voom Voom (Sean and Christian talk with each other during a surgery)
      "Zentrifuge" by Einsturzende Neubauten (Dawn talks with Christian and Sean about her ear-accident)
      "Bittersweet faith" by Bitter:Sweet (Kimberly kicks Matt out of the sauna)
      "Babu amgelo" by Ekvat (Dawn goes to the lab where her ear is being created; later in the episode, Liz and Dawn get ready for their surgeries)
      "Under my thumb" by The Rolling Stones (Michelle and Christian interrupt their relationship; Christian goes to Kimber's house and seduces her)
      "Vincent" by Don McClean (Sean and Christian operate Dawn)
      "Stop singing" by The Original Shanghai Divas (Christian repairs Burt's stroke damage)

  • Allusions

    • Dawn mentions selling 'her entire Franklin Mint collection on eBay'.

      Franklin Mint is a company that markets theme-based 'collectibles' (coins, figurines, chess sets etc.)- some of which can be quite valuable. eBay is the well-known Internet auction site.

    • When Sean tells Dawn about Vincent Van Gogh, she sarcastically calls him 'Sister Wendy'.

      Sister Wendy Beckett, a Roman Catholic nun, became an unusual celebrity in the 1990s as the host of several art history documentaries for the BBC.

    • Christian mentions Dianetics when he's with Kimber.

      Dianetics is a book by L. Ron Hubbard (the founder of Scientology) which lay out several self-improvement techniques to remove memory traces from the 'reactive mind' and thus bring therapeutic benefits.

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