Dr. Sean McNamara
Dr. Christian Troy
Dr. Liz Cruz (Season 2+)
Kimber Henry (Season 3+)
Mistress Dark Pain
In Aiden's first onscreen appearance, he tells Freddy "A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on, this is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do til your fifth season!"
This is a subtle dig at other TV programs, who after entering their fifth season (or after shooting 100 episodes), tend to run out of ideas and create more outlandish storylines and episodes to keep the audience's attention. It also appears to be a tounge-in-cheek reference to Nip/Tuck (a show which has always had outrageous characters and storylines) entering its own fifth season with this episode.
Christian marks Carly's portrait with lipstick to highlight areas for surgery. He did the same with Kimber in the pilot episode and Abby Mays in the Season 3 episode of the same name- although he marked their bodies with lipstick instead.
The deal that Christian and Sean strike with Hearts And Scalpels- producer credits and the occasional line- is a similar deal to one that Linda Klein (Nip/Tuck's medical consultant who plays Nurse Linda in the show) has with Nip/Tuck.
During the scene where they're touring through the studio on a golf cart, it clearly sounds like Julian McMahon was speaking with his native Australian accent.
When asked if he's worked on anyone famous, Christian says they 'almost worked on Joan Rivers once', This refers to the Season 2 finale- entitled Joan Rivers- where she came to McNamara/Troy to have her extensive plastic surgery undone (but ultimately decided against it).
The storyline that is suggested for Hearts & Scalpels- about the woman who has her labia transplanted onto her face- is based on a surgery done in the Season 2 episode Bobbi Broderick.
Sean: It's been 2 months without
even a botox shot, Christian. So far, the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in Los Angeles is a better hook shot.
Christian: I wouldn't go that far. Look, we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right?
Christian: But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.
Sean: Worked the first time we started a business together.
Christian: At 25,baby! At 40, you gotta go all out. We owned Miami, right?
Christian: Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.
Mistress Dark Pain: Seems like business is finally picking up.
Sean: Do I need to take out a restraining order? Leave!
Mistress Dark Pain: I watched you on television last night, Doctor. You were very handsome and very convincing. I can already tell that you're going to do quite well for yourself in this town.
Sean: That's right. Which means we don't need to see you or your sicko clients any longer.
Mistress Dark Pain: Have you seen today's Variety? (hands him the paper) The sicko's just climbed up another rung on the ladder.
Sean: (reads) 'Bob Easton made CEO after merger'. He told me he was leaving town.
Mistress Dark Pain: I guess the rush of power's just too addictive to walk away from. (gives him her card) Call me.
Sean: I don't need your kind of help.
Mistress Dark Pain: You will.
Bob Easton: You know, it's only a matter of time until this town eats you alive. You may want to pack up your scalpels and head back to Miami while your souls are still intact.
Candy Richards: Freddy! I got the rewrite. I don't understand. If you didn't like the way I was saying the line, why didn't you just tell me to my face?
Freddy Prune: No, darling, it's not you. You're gold. It's the Standards and Practices Department. It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named Pussy but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network, that's all.
Sean: Look at us. Mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack TV show. We're good surgeons. Why live in a place which doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should have moved somewhere where substance reigns over style. Like New York.
Christian: Julia's gone. Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.
Sean: I miss my kids. I miss Annie laughing at me as I try to put her hair in a ponytail. Conor's first smile of the morning. I miss seeing Matt with his child- our grandchild. You can't get those moments back.
Christian: Look, you made a bold move coming out here, partner. Maybe the first one of your life, huh? Come on, I mean how many guys our age finally get the opportunity to get the recognition they deserve? Huh? This is just the beginning.
Sean: Fame isn't love, Christian. Getting it isn't going to fill up some hole you've had inside you since you were a kid.
Christian: I'm sorry you didn't get the part.
Carly Summers: Cameron Diaz is thirty-five. She thinks being autistic means you can paint.
Aidan Stone: Why is it that we're in the plastic surgery capital of the world and we're forced to work with these Miami wannabes? Can you tell me that?
Sean: You are not in charge here!
(Everyone is shocked by Sean's outburst)
Sean: I have seen kids playing doctor who have better surgical technique than you do! I'm giving you an opportunity to be more authentic. I would take it if I were you.
(Sean holds the scalpel out; Aidan takes it meekly)
Mistress Dark Pain: Let me tell you something, Doctor. It's not easy being Robert Easton. He isn't stupid. He knows that underneath his 'look-how-big-my-dick-is' act that he's just a scared little boy who feeds of everyone else's talent and dreams. He's nothing. I have a gift. I help keep men like Bob from imploding with too much power.
Sean: Let me tell you something, Mistress Whomever. You and your 'gift' are not welcome here. This is a place of healing.
Mistress Dark Pain: (with a smile) You'd be fun to work with.
Christian: I'm taking Carly to the Ivy.
Sean: Did you call a sitter?
Christian: No, but you're not doing anything. (off Sean's look) Come on, it's business.
Sean: I thought you turned down her surgery.
Christian: I did turn down her surgery and now I need to turn her on. We're not going to get anywhere in this town by giving Carly Summers a little Botox. She needs a face-lift, a tit job and whatever else I can seduce her into getting. Good plan, huh?
Sean: How about I take the Hollywood star out to dinner and you stay home with your son? I'll do the convincing.
Christian: Because I'm the charismatic salesman and you're the talent. That's the way it's always been.
Sean: That's exactly why I left Miami.
Christian: Do you want cosmetic surgery?
Carly Summers: Look, I'm up for this really great part- single mother, coal miner with an autistic child- and even if I don't get it, a part of me wants to take a stand. I wanna show everyone that a woman my age can be desirable without the help of science.
Christian: Let me start off by saying I'm a huge fan. Of all the romantic comedies I've been dragged to by my girlfriends over the years, yours are the ones I hated the least. So, tell me what you don't like about yourself, Miss Summers?
Carly Summers: That I was stupid enough to let Fiona drag me here. Look, Doctor, I'm sure you are a genius at what you do but plastic surgery is an actor's worst nightmare. You stretch actresses' faces so they don't have to stretch themselves.
Fiona: Says the woman who hasn't landed a part deeper than a shot-glass in three years. Face it, Carly, no-one wants to see a forty year old woman in romantic comedies. If she looks thirty-five, maybe.
Freddy Prune: We start production on episode six on Tuesday and I have no case. And I can't keep ripping off episodes of Chicago Hope, they'll start suing me. I need something sexy. I need a ratings-grabber. (looks at the food) Jesus Christ. Chicken fingers, goddammit!
Christian: (after a pause) Well, we had a case a couple of years ago… remember, Sean? This woman came into our office. She burned her lips off in a cooking accident.
Sean: Right, we had to do a graft using skin from her vagina. (Freddy looks interested) The only problem was, her husband didn't like oral sex, so she couldn't let him know where the skin came from.
Christian: We called her Pussy Lips. (pause) I'd watch a show with pussy lips on it.
Freddy Prune: (after a pause) How soon can you start?
Christian: We're not interested in just being consultants, Mr. Prune.
Sean: We're not?
Christian: We want producer credits and the occasional line.
Freddy Prune: (after a pause) Pussy lips. God, I love it. Let's get to work!
Aidan Stone: What the hell is this shit, Freddy? A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on, this is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do til your fifth season!
Christian: (operating on Bob Easton) I thought we left Miami so we didn't have to deal with freaks like this guy.
Sean: One client at a time, Christian.
Christian: Bullshit, Sean! I'm a jackrabbit. I don't do slow and steady. I've paid my dues and I want some overnight success.
(Bob Easton has severe bite marks on his chest)
Sean: Did you have a run in with a dog?
Bob Easton: When my mistress puts my collar and leash on, I'm the dog.
Christian: Your dominatrix inflicted these?
Bob Easton: Yeah, and she's not cheap either. Still, no scotch, no yoga class, no hot-rock therapy ever helped me like Mistress Dark Pain does.
Sean: Sounds like living the dream has its price.
Bob Easton: Of course it does. Eat your young on a regular basis, what do you expect? All day long, I'm the one with the control, the power. Once a week, Mistress Dark Pain takes it all away from me. Sometimes twice a week during Oscar season. Every bite somehow restores the balance. Keeps me real, you know?
Sean: I think our credentials speak for themselves. I'm written up in the New England Journal of Medicine three times, Plastic Reconstructive Surgery Journal twice…
Fiona: And how many times have you been written up in People Magazine, hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from Harvard. It's not what you've done, it's whom. Celebrity is power.
Sean: Well, we're screwed. We can't get a celebrity til we've operated on a celebrity!
Fiona: Or… become celebrities yourselves.
Christian: You mean advertise?
Fiona: Anyone can advertise but not everyone can get exposure.
Sean: What's the difference?
Fiona: The difference is, you don't look like the one placing the ad. That's publicity. That's what I do, better than anyone else in this town, for five thousand a month.
Sean: We don't have it.
Fiona: Too bad, puppy, because I have a unique opportunity that would fit you guys like a surgeon's glove.
Christian: We've got it. What is it?
Fiona: Hearts And Scalpels. (off their looks) You guys don't watch television? Hearts And Scalpels is a fantastic new series about plastic surgery. The show runner happens to be a client of mine and he's looking for a medical advisor to help him with the technical stuff.
Sean: Are you saying that being on a television show would give us credibility?
Fiona: Bingo! I think he's got it!
Liz: You're gonna need a bigger boat.
Liz: Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark. You guys are in over your heads. You're chum, being devoured by all the Rodeo Drive great whites.
Christian: You gotta have faith, Lizzie. The patients will come.
Liz: Faith ain't gonna cut it out here, Christian. You want the Hollywood dream? You gotta go out and get it, not wait to be discovered. So get up off your asses and go get some. Get some tits while you're at it, too. Necks, chins, sagging vaginas. This is Los Angeles, for God's sake!
Sean: (whilst playing basketball) Real men don't cheat.
Christian: They do if they want to win. Face it, partner, you can't dominate me. Never have, never will.
Bob: (about his surgery) Anyway, how soon can we get it taken care of?
Christian: We're, uh, pretty booked up this week. How about next Tuesday?
Bob: Please, this place is deader than my nana. Today. Make it happen.
(Christian's drinking multiple glasses of pineapple juice)
Sean: What are you? A camel?
Christian: Pineapple juice, baby! Makes a man's shooty-shoot taste infinitely sweeter. It's nature's guarantee of a second date.
[during "Hearts 'n Scalpels"]
(cell phone rings)
Aidan Stone: Yeah?...Car accident?...I'll be there in 10. 10 orgasms!
Sean: Jesus, does anyone in this town not have plastic surgery?
Christian: I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whorehouse.
International air dates:
Norway: Monday, August 11, 2008 on TV3
Music featured in the episode:
-"The Best Is Yet To Come" by Michael Bublé.
-"Keep The Drums Out" by Voom Voom.
-"Lean Like A Cholo" by Down AKA Kilo.
-"Tango" by Tango Jointz.
-"Let's Elope" by Koop.
"Love Hurts" by Nazareth
"Atlas" by The Battles
"New Kid In Town" by The Wynners
"Space Maker" by Air
Tia Carrere receives the 'with' credit, and Lauren Hutton receives the 'and' credit.
Oliver Platt, Craig Bierko, Jennifer Coolidge, Bradley Cooper and Daphne Zuniga are all credited as Special Guest Stars.
Although listed in the opening credits, John Hensley, Kelly Carlson, and Joely Richardson do not appear in this episode. However, he can be heard in voice-over.
The new season takes place in California, as the main location for the storyline.
Freddy Prune: It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named p**** but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network
The Sopranos featured a character called Salvatore Bonpensiero, known as 'Big P**** played by Vincent Pastore. HBO is a subscription-only service and does not carry normal commercials; both of these factors relieve HBO from pressures to tone down controversial aspects in their programs, thus allowing for explicit themes, such as graphic violence, sex and profanity- things that are censored heavily on mainstream television.
Freddy's line "but we're television- not HBO" also refers to the HBO's slogan, "It's Not TV. It's HBO", which they used from 1997 until 2009.
Freddy Prune: It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named Pussy but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network
The Sopranos featured a character called Salvatore Bonpensiero, known as 'Big Pussy', played by Vincent Pastore. HBO is a subscription-only service and does not carry normal commercials; both of these factors relieve HBO from pressures to tone down controversial aspects in their programs, thus allowing for explicit themes, such as graphic violence, sex and profanity- things that are censored heavily on mainstream television.
Freddy Prune: I can't keep ripping off episodes of Chicago Hope, they'll start suing me.
Chicago Hope was a medical drama series, created by David E. Kelley, that ran on CBS from 1994 to 2000 and starred Mandy Patinkin, Adam Arkin, Hector Elizondo, Peter MacNicol and Christine Lahti.
Liz: You're gonna need a bigger boat.
Liz: Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark.
Starring Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss, Jaws is a 1975 movie directed by Steven Spielberg. Based on a novel by Peter Benchley, it is the story of a gigantic great white shark that terrorizes the small island community of Amity.
Matt (in voice-over): Enclosed find a picture of the new bambino. Her name is Jenna. Kimber named her after some sitcom actress in the church I've never heard of.
This possibly refers to Jenna Elfman, star of the once popular sitcom Dharma & Greg, who is a well-known Scientologist.
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