Season 5 Episode 1

Carly Summers

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Oct 30, 2007 on FX
out of 10
User Rating
223 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Sean and Christian have relocated their practice from Miami to Los Angeles. Being new to the city they find themselves having to start from scratch business wise. What they thought would naturally fall into place turns out to require some foot work. So Christian and Sean hit the town and begin discovering a whole new world.moreless

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  • A new start for McNamara Troy proves to be exciting, fresh and full of laughs!

    This episode was a pleasure to watch. After watching Season 4 and the complexities that arose in the show it was refreshing to see both Sean and Christian start their new practice, and their new lives in Hollywood. The opening scenes presenting a lush, well furnished office, complete with a spectacular kitchen and recovery rooms was impressive for the viewer, only to be contrasted with Sean and Christian playing basketball in their surgery rooms! Even from the start Christian and Sean begin to compete with each other. This provided a strong starting point for a great episode. After failing to kick start their business, they recruit the talents of Fiona McNeal, a publicist who leads them to an advisory technical role on the television drama, "Hearts and Scalpels". However, when Sean steals the spotlight on the show Christian struggles to deal with his ego and insecurities, epitomised through Christian getting hair plugs. In the meantime, business begins to boom thanks to Sean's appearances on the show. Sean also stands up to the key actor on the show, Aidan Stone, and wins the respect of the cast & Crew. This all proves too much for Christian, who is still hung up in the past, he still feels that he's the face of the practice and Sean is the talent.

    Christian seduces and later performs plastic surgery on Carly Summers, a 40-something year old celebrity in Hollywood. He takes a bold and possibly stupid stance, by leaking this information despite signing a confidentiality agreement. Trouble is on the horizon for McNamara Troy.

    As for new characters, we're introduced to a rich CEO, Bob Easton who is serviced by a dominatrix, Mistress Dark Pain. She takes a liking to Sean offering him her business card, a chance for her to render him powerless in a means to keep him in check. At the closing moments of the episode we see Christian looking at the business card. I can't wait to see what happens next!moreless
  • What Price Fame? (Spoilers)

    The boys are back for another series of sex and surgery as Nip/Tuck's fifth season opens to find Sean and Christian floundering in Hollywood trying to make a name for themselves. A meeting with a powerful publicist (Lauren Hutton) lands them a job as medical consultants for a TV medical show called Hearts And Scalpels and also brings a high-profile patient in Carly Summers (Daphne Zuniga), an ageing actress who reluctantly goes under the knife to improve her chances of winning a role. As Sean and Christian jockey for position, will the friendship survive? The show begins with Michael Buble singing 'The Best Is Yet To Come'. On the strength of this episode, I can only hope that's right. Whilst not bad per se, it's certainly not the strongest season opener they've done. An uneasy blend of unsubtle comedy and rather extreme situations threatens to upend the show into real 'jump the shark' territory. Thankfully, there's enough good stuff to stop that from happening.

    There are an array of fine performances throughout- Lauren Hutton is particularly strong as publicist Fiona McNeil as is Daphne Zuniga as Carly- her insecurities and determination are marked out well; Tia Carrere puts in a fine cameo as a vicious dominatrix known as Mistress Dark Pain (whom- despite the weirdness of her storyline- it would be a joy to see again). Of the main cast, Roma Maffia shines as always as the voice of reason in Liz- who tells Sean and Christian to go out and get the dream rather than waiting for it to drop into their laps. Dylan Walsh and Julian McMahon are also strong, given several nice moments together as the real ramifications of what they've done sink in. Plus it's always nice to see them play off against each other, even if Christian's behaviour does lean towards petulant spoilt child toward the end.

    My main issue with this episode comes with the Hearts And Scalpels stuff. It's a deliberately bad and hackish show, full of over-the-top performances and dialogue not fit for purpose. Is this supposed to be one big meta-joke? Has Ryan Murphy run out of ideas and has taken to satirizing his own show, like a snake eating its own tail? I'm not sure. Oliver Platt's performance as show runner Freddy grates on times with an overly camp manner and Bradley Cooper does little to endear the arrogant Aidan Stone- but perhaps that's the point. The most jarring performance however comes from Jennifer Coolidge as Hearts And Scalpels actress Candy whose random suggestions for the character and generally OTT demeanour makes me want to slap her. Whilst it doesn't necessarily mean the beginning of the end of the show, this idea could be used more cleverly than it has been presented here. But it is only the first episode.

    The final plot strand comes from a harried film studio executive (played by Craig Bierko) who sees a professional dominatrix who abuses and injures him to take the stress away- the aforementioned Mistress Dark Pain. Whilst Carrere's performance is a delight, this whole storyline just seems too extreme- even for Nip/Tuck (and that's saying something). All in all, it's a decent stab at a season opener but, like the song says, I just hope that the best is yet to come.moreless
  • Hollywood Boys Written by Ryan Murphy Directed by Charles Haid

    Sean (to Christian): "For the record I continue to find your vanity ridiculous".

    Hmm, Christian, superficial – surely not! Well you can take the men out of Miami and thrust them into the very environment where superficiality reigns supreme but you can't necessarily make them think different than they used to.

    For the show's fifth and quite possibly final season, Miami is out in favour of Hollywood. To say I don't have reservations of this choice of location could be an understatement. I don't want to sit through a season's worth of boob jobs and botox jabs. However because they're in LA, these are the kind of cases that will be surfacing a little more often.

    Sean and Christian may have left Michelle holding the latch of their old practice but just because they nice new offices where you can shoot some hoops, it doesn't exactly mean the men are LA's new hot properties. In fact it's anything but really. Christian might enjoy beating Sean in the obligatory game of hoops but it's really the only source of enjoyment either guy seems to have.

    There hasn't been a decent client in months according to Liz and while Sean prefers to mope and Christian is happy with his head in the sand, it's Liz who takes some assertion. Basically she tells her two bosses to get up off their lazy backsides and find some customers. After all a few measly fliers isn't going to start having people come in by the droves.

    It also turns out that going to a bar where virtually every woman in there has had major or minor surgery isn't going to reverse fortune either. Christian's almost disgusted by the lack of uncut meat but it doesn't stop him and Sean trying to persuade a few girls into switching surgeons.

    However LA actresses are not that fickle and most of them reject the lads offer. One actress even mistakes Sean for an agent. Well him and Christian are scouting for fresh meat but their sales pitch comes under scrutiny from two rather powerful women during the bar session.

    The first is an editor of gossip bible US Weekly called Miranda. Played by Serena Scott Thomas, Miranda is quick to mention that the boys' obscurity so far is what's hindering them from getting patients. Don't you just loathe that Catch 22 situation? Sean and Christian can't get clients unless they're famous enough and they can't get famous unless they have clients.

    Someone who better emphasises the LA dynamic is celebrity publicist Fiona McNeil. Christian makes the miscalculation of thinking she could be potential fresh meat but Fiona is quick to smatter his sales pitch before offering more or less the same advice to him and Sean that Miranda did. Our lads need famous people if they mean to make a life in LA and Christian more than wants to become the next big thing in LA.

    A really good thing about the Fiona character is that she's not only a perceptive businesswoman but she even gives Sean and Christian their first opportunity to actually start becoming prolific. No, they don't have to work on Paris Hilton but apparently being medical advisors to a show named Hearts And Scalpels could be their way up.

    How best could you describe a series like Hearts And Scalpels? The best one I would use is to think of it as a Mad TV version of a Grey's Anatomy/Nip/Tuck crossover. If that makes you want to run for the hills, then you're going to find any scene involving this spoof show a real grind to watch. Heck, I mostly enjoyed the scenes and even I couldn't stop cringing at some points. Medicals shows have never been sent up as royally as Hearts And Scalpels does. It only goes to prove the strength of Ryan Murphy's writing. Only a series like Nip/Tuck could something as cheeky as this quite well in my opinion.

    The people behind Hearts And Scalpels are an interesting bunch. So far only three are really focused on and I have a feeling it'll probably still be those three for most of the season. You've got Paula Marshall playing the level headed lead actress Kate Tinsley who seems to have a bit of a rapport with Sean. Beyond that not much else is really vocalised about the girl but she's here for a suitable numbers of episode, so I'm expecting more from Kate in the next few weeks.

    Next up is Hearts And Scalpels' creator Freddy Pru. There are many good actors who could've been cast for this role but Oliver Platt does seem to be a nice choice for the role. Freddy's a bit of a frazzled guy in the sense that he takes abuse from his leading man and really knows next to nothing about plastic surgery. This is why he's keen to take Sean and Christian on as medical advisors. He wants to make his trashy show into something more authentic. Having people on board who actually know what they're on about could help that I guess.

    Last but not least, there's our leader actor Aidan Stone playing some charismatic doctor but is an actual dickhead towards everyone else on set. He's the leading man with the pressures of having to strip off to please the housewives and gay men as well as to help carry his fellow cast members. Yeah, right, he's an utter pain in the ass played to absolute perfection by Bradley Cooper.

    Aidan's every bit your stereotyped version of a diva actor. He makes incessant demands on the scripting ideas, abuses poor Freddy (who may be a rubbish writer but is still likeable) and even annoys Kate by insisting she strips off during a scene. Granted Hearts And Scalpels is clearly a series where as a viewer you're more likely to enjoy if you don't think about the actual plots. Aidan clearly thinks the show is supposed to be better than it is.

    However there's only one person on the Hearts And Scalpels payroll who won't tolerate Aidan's behaviour and that's Sean. When Aidan makes the error of openly dismissing Sean's advice on how make the scene look realistic, Sean lays into the knucklehead so brilliantly. That could've gotten Sean fired from the show but instead, he managed to get Aidan's respect without having to sacrifice his own self-respect. Christian should take note on that.

    With Aidan in the palm of Sean's hand, things only got better for Sean when appearing on Hearts And Scalpels actually got McNamara/Troy the new clientele they so badly needed. Sean looked completely in his element when people started coming up to him in public wanting either his photo or services. It's been such a long time that Sean has been seen as being happy or in control, that it's a great feeling viewing this episode because of Sean.

    Christian on the other hand went from adamantly wanting to stay in LA at the start to wanting to get the hell out of there by the end of the episode. Much as I love Christian, I totally felt that Sean was right to stand up to him and insist that he was staying. Christian was jealous that Sean actually got to shine more. Mainly because Christian takes rejection a hell of a lot more personal than Sean does. He's not used to not getting his way as such.

    He tried to upstage Aidan during the Hearts And Scalpels filming by spouting out medical jargon and he was pretty livid when it got edited from the episode. In fairness Christian should've seen that coming a mile. It still didn't stop him from acting out in his usual manner.

    This time Christian took his aggression out on a fading actress named Carly Summers. Fiona had recommended the woman to McNamara/Troy because her refusal to have plastic surgery has allegedly ruined her career prospects. Honestly the woman looks like such a knockout, she'd be actually nuts to agree to Fiona's insistence to enhance her looks but sadly for us and Carly, Christian uses his powers of persuasion for the wrong sodding reasons.

    Christian sleeps with Carly and acknowledges that there really isn't anything physically wrong with her but seeing that Carly is still vulnerable, he points out some flaws. What's really annoying about that scene is that I wanted Carly to stand up for herself and tell Christian to go to hell but instead she succumbs to his bad advice and has the surgeries.

    What really makes Christian dislikeable in this episode is not does he exploit someone else's hang ups about themselves in a way to deal with his own but he also violates his agreement with Fiona. For a guy starting out in a pretty powerful playground, that's a stupid blunder to make.

    The fast talking publicist was pretty clear that if Carly went under the knife, it could not become public knowledge. What does Christian do – he tells Miranda. It doesn't matter if he made an anominous tip off; it's still pretty unprofessional and downright horrid. Here's hoping both Fiona and Carly kick his ass for that.

    However Carly isn't the only patient of the week who brings some ripe debate to the episode. You're a successful businessman on the way to becoming a CEO so you want a bit of surgery. Okay fair enough but if you're Bob, it's more to do with getting rid of the physical scars inflicted to you by your mistress rather than lipo or the odd face lift.

    Fair enough, Sean and Christian don't understand Bob's compulsion but they do the surgery because they weren't at a point where they could turn people. However walking in on a gagged Bob getting more pain from his mistress, who goes by the unimaginative name of Mistress Dark Pain, brings out the moral brigade in Sean.

    Tia Carrere (mostly know for Wayne's World and Relic Hunter) makes for quite the dark little minx. She might not totally enjoy servicing Bob's needs but she knows the LA game like the back of her hand and if Sean and Christian dare to lose themselves in this new environment, then they'd want to take excellent heed of what both Bob and Mistress Dark Pain tells them.

    On possibly the briefest of notes, it also turns out that Matt and Kimber are proud parents to a baby girl named Jenna. It's missing the birth of his first grandchild that makes Sean nostalgic for family. I wouldn't worry if I were Sean. He's not going to be separated from them for too long.

    Also in "Carly Summers"

    No teaser for this episode. The show just jumped straight into the opening credits.

    Christian: "You can't kidnap our fish"

    Repo Man: "Can't work for free either".

    Sean and Christian are living together with Wilbur. It was cute watching the lads and Liz settling down to watch Hearts And Scalpels.

    Fiona: "Celebrity is power"

    Sean: "We're screwed. You can't get a celebrity unless you do a celebrity".

    Bob (to Sean/Christian): "When my mistress puts my collar and leash on, I'm the dog".

    Bob apparently makes indie movies with pornographic undertones. Sean and Christian weren't familiar with his work.

    Christian (re Bob): "I thought we left Miami so we didn't have to deal with freaks like these guys"

    Sean: "One patient at a time".

    Christian (re Fiona): "She always this rough with you?"

    Carly: "It's hard to find someone in this town to be honest with me".

    Is it me or has Wilbur gotten so big since "Willy Ward"? The kid still barely says anything either.

    Mistress Dark Pain (to Sean): "Of course I sterilise. I'm a professional".

    Carly: "I don't think I look that different, do you?"

    Christian: "No, not at all".

    Hated Christian for doing the lipstick treatment on Carly like he did to Kimber and Abby. Only this time he used an old photo instead of actually using Carly to mark what he saw were imperfections.

    Sean: "Easy"

    Candy: "But don't really do it"

    Aidan: "Just listen".

    Jennifer Coolidge played an actress called Candy who got to re-enact the **** lips story for Hearts And Scalpels.

    Carly (re plastic surgery): "Is it going to hurt?"

    Fiona: "No more than having your teeth cleaned".

    Christian (re Jenna): "She's beautiful. She looks just like me".

    Does Christian really think he's the father to Kimber's daughter? By the way the kid's named after famous Scientologist Jenna Elfman from Dharma And Greg.

    Bob (to Sean, re Mistress Dark Pain): "It's not her fault. She wanted to stop but I begged her to keep going".

    No Matt, Kimber or Julia in this episode and also no-one new was added to the opening credits.

    Aidan: "Look at you, look at you"

    Christian (after being called Christopher): "It's Christian".

    Standout music: "Space Maker" by Air, "New Kids In Town" by The Wynners and "Keep The Drums Out" by Voom Voom.

    Sean: "I don't need your kind of help"

    Mistress Dark Pain: "You will".

    Chronology: A couple of months since "Galla Gallardo".

    I had my reservations but I will admit that "Carly Summers" more or less kicked ass. It focused on our boys, introduced a delightful array of new recurring characters and even provided some good parody. This won't be enough to maintain the quality but it's a good start.moreless
  • Not what I've expected!

    No no no no nooooo and nooo! This episode really disappointed me! I expected something else!! Totally different! Where's that originality note ?! That shocking stories and dramas? That humour?! Ok.. I guess I've rushed into conclusions.. I will wait to see what will the show bring next to the table. I really hope it will not be what I've just saw.

    Anyway, I gave it a 8 just because I have respect for the show... If it wasn't for that, 6 would had been the score fro me. I really hope this season will not be as this silly beginning. And it's soooo overrated!moreless
  • Nip/Tuck recharged!

    I was not sure whether I would continue to watch Nip/Tuck, as season 4 was on overall pretty dull. But I stand corrected, season 5 started rocking!

    The opening was great! Just like a stylish Nip/Tuck episode, our doctors are now in a fancy new office in... LA. Although they have problems in the beginning with people attributing them as wannabes, they soon find some sort of a "key" to the exclusive population of LA where no one is uncut. Christian shows his usual self, his approach to life and everything inside of it, and Sean comes and goes between being a dad and a commercial surgeon. We probably will see Christian bringing a lot of trouble to the house, as before. They end up (actually Sean does) snatching producer credits of heart 'n scalpels, giving it the highest rating on the first night they are involved. Nip/Tuck has an LA vibe and I hope it keeps up like this...moreless
Tia Carrere

Tia Carrere

Mistress Dark Pain

Guest Star

Lauren Hutton

Lauren Hutton

Fiona McNeil

Guest Star

Brittany Ishibashi

Brittany Ishibashi

Girl in Club

Guest Star

Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper

Aidan Stone

Recurring Role

Paula Marshall

Paula Marshall

Kate Tinsley

Recurring Role

Joshua Henry

Joshua Henry


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (6)

    • In Aiden's first onscreen appearance, he tells Freddy "A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on, this is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do til your fifth season!"

      This is a subtle dig at other TV programs, who after entering their fifth season (or after shooting 100 episodes), tend to run out of ideas and create more outlandish storylines and episodes to keep the audience's attention. It also appears to be a tounge-in-cheek reference to Nip/Tuck (a show which has always had outrageous characters and storylines) entering its own fifth season with this episode.

    • Christian marks Carly's portrait with lipstick to highlight areas for surgery. He did the same with Kimber in the pilot episode and Abby Mays in the Season 3 episode of the same name- although he marked their bodies with lipstick instead.

    • The deal that Christian and Sean strike with Hearts And Scalpels- producer credits and the occasional line- is a similar deal to one that Linda Klein (Nip/Tuck's medical consultant who plays Nurse Linda in the show) has with Nip/Tuck.

    • During the scene where they're touring through the studio on a golf cart, it clearly sounds like Julian McMahon was speaking with his native Australian accent.

    • When asked if he's worked on anyone famous, Christian says they 'almost worked on Joan Rivers once', This refers to the Season 2 finale- entitled Joan Rivers- where she came to McNamara/Troy to have her extensive plastic surgery undone (but ultimately decided against it).

    • The storyline that is suggested for Hearts & Scalpels- about the woman who has her labia transplanted onto her face- is based on a surgery done in the Season 2 episode Bobbi Broderick.

  • QUOTES (22)

    • Sean: It's been 2 months without
      even a botox shot, Christian. So far, the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in Los Angeles is a better hook shot.
      Christian: I wouldn't go that far. Look, we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right?
      Sean: Yeah.
      Christian: But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.
      Sean: Worked the first time we started a business together.
      Christian: At 25,baby! At 40, you gotta go all out. We owned Miami, right?
      Sean: Yeah.
      Christian: Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.

    • Mistress Dark Pain: Seems like business is finally picking up.
      Sean: Do I need to take out a restraining order? Leave!
      Mistress Dark Pain: I watched you on television last night, Doctor. You were very handsome and very convincing. I can already tell that you're going to do quite well for yourself in this town.
      Sean: That's right. Which means we don't need to see you or your sicko clients any longer.
      Mistress Dark Pain: Have you seen today's Variety? (hands him the paper) The sicko's just climbed up another rung on the ladder.
      Sean: (reads) 'Bob Easton made CEO after merger'. He told me he was leaving town.
      Mistress Dark Pain: I guess the rush of power's just too addictive to walk away from. (gives him her card) Call me.
      Sean: I don't need your kind of help.
      Mistress Dark Pain: You will.

    • Bob Easton: You know, it's only a matter of time until this town eats you alive. You may want to pack up your scalpels and head back to Miami while your souls are still intact.

    • Candy Richards: Freddy! I got the rewrite. I don't understand. If you didn't like the way I was saying the line, why didn't you just tell me to my face?
      Freddy Prune: No, darling, it's not you. You're gold. It's the Standards and Practices Department. It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named Pussy but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network, that's all.

    • Sean: Look at us. Mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack TV show. We're good surgeons. Why live in a place which doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should have moved somewhere where substance reigns over style. Like New York.
      Christian: Julia's gone. Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.
      Sean: I miss my kids. I miss Annie laughing at me as I try to put her hair in a ponytail. Conor's first smile of the morning. I miss seeing Matt with his child- our grandchild. You can't get those moments back.
      Christian: Look, you made a bold move coming out here, partner. Maybe the first one of your life, huh? Come on, I mean how many guys our age finally get the opportunity to get the recognition they deserve? Huh? This is just the beginning.
      Sean: Fame isn't love, Christian. Getting it isn't going to fill up some hole you've had inside you since you were a kid.

    • Christian: I'm sorry you didn't get the part.
      Carly Summers: Cameron Diaz is thirty-five. She thinks being autistic means you can paint.

    • Aidan Stone: Why is it that we're in the plastic surgery capital of the world and we're forced to work with these Miami wannabes? Can you tell me that?
      Sean: You are not in charge here!
      (Everyone is shocked by Sean's outburst)
      Sean: I have seen kids playing doctor who have better surgical technique than you do! I'm giving you an opportunity to be more authentic. I would take it if I were you.
      (Sean holds the scalpel out; Aidan takes it meekly)

    • Mistress Dark Pain: Let me tell you something, Doctor. It's not easy being Robert Easton. He isn't stupid. He knows that underneath his 'look-how-big-my-dick-is' act that he's just a scared little boy who feeds of everyone else's talent and dreams. He's nothing. I have a gift. I help keep men like Bob from imploding with too much power.
      Sean: Let me tell you something, Mistress Whomever. You and your 'gift' are not welcome here. This is a place of healing.
      Mistress Dark Pain: (with a smile) You'd be fun to work with.

    • Christian: I'm taking Carly to the Ivy.
      Sean: Did you call a sitter?
      Christian: No, but you're not doing anything. (off Sean's look) Come on, it's business.
      Sean: I thought you turned down her surgery.
      Christian: I did turn down her surgery and now I need to turn her on. We're not going to get anywhere in this town by giving Carly Summers a little Botox. She needs a face-lift, a tit job and whatever else I can seduce her into getting. Good plan, huh?
      Sean: How about I take the Hollywood star out to dinner and you stay home with your son? I'll do the convincing.
      Christian: Because I'm the charismatic salesman and you're the talent. That's the way it's always been.
      Sean: That's exactly why I left Miami.

    • Christian: Do you want cosmetic surgery?
      Carly Summers: Look, I'm up for this really great part- single mother, coal miner with an autistic child- and even if I don't get it, a part of me wants to take a stand. I wanna show everyone that a woman my age can be desirable without the help of science.

    • Christian: Let me start off by saying I'm a huge fan. Of all the romantic comedies I've been dragged to by my girlfriends over the years, yours are the ones I hated the least. So, tell me what you don't like about yourself, Miss Summers?
      Carly Summers: That I was stupid enough to let Fiona drag me here. Look, Doctor, I'm sure you are a genius at what you do but plastic surgery is an actor's worst nightmare. You stretch actresses' faces so they don't have to stretch themselves.
      Fiona: Says the woman who hasn't landed a part deeper than a shot-glass in three years. Face it, Carly, no-one wants to see a forty year old woman in romantic comedies. If she looks thirty-five, maybe.

    • Freddy Prune: We start production on episode six on Tuesday and I have no case. And I can't keep ripping off episodes of Chicago Hope, they'll start suing me. I need something sexy. I need a ratings-grabber. (looks at the food) Jesus Christ. Chicken fingers, goddammit!
      Christian: (after a pause) Well, we had a case a couple of years ago… remember, Sean? This woman came into our office. She burned her lips off in a cooking accident.
      Sean: Right, we had to do a graft using skin from her vagina. (Freddy looks interested) The only problem was, her husband didn't like oral sex, so she couldn't let him know where the skin came from.
      Christian: We called her Pussy Lips. (pause) I'd watch a show with pussy lips on it.
      Freddy Prune: (after a pause) How soon can you start?
      Christian: We're not interested in just being consultants, Mr. Prune.
      Sean: We're not?
      Christian: We want producer credits and the occasional line.
      Freddy Prune: (after a pause) Pussy lips. God, I love it. Let's get to work!

    • Aidan Stone: What the hell is this shit, Freddy? A musical episode? How gay is that? Come on, this is the kind of desperate schlock you don't do til your fifth season!

    • Christian: (operating on Bob Easton) I thought we left Miami so we didn't have to deal with freaks like this guy.
      Sean: One client at a time, Christian.
      Christian: Bullshit, Sean! I'm a jackrabbit. I don't do slow and steady. I've paid my dues and I want some overnight success.

    • (Bob Easton has severe bite marks on his chest)
      Sean: Did you have a run in with a dog?
      Bob Easton: When my mistress puts my collar and leash on, I'm the dog.
      Christian: Your dominatrix inflicted these?
      Bob Easton: Yeah, and she's not cheap either. Still, no scotch, no yoga class, no hot-rock therapy ever helped me like Mistress Dark Pain does.
      Sean: Sounds like living the dream has its price.
      Bob Easton: Of course it does. Eat your young on a regular basis, what do you expect? All day long, I'm the one with the control, the power. Once a week, Mistress Dark Pain takes it all away from me. Sometimes twice a week during Oscar season. Every bite somehow restores the balance. Keeps me real, you know?

    • Sean: I think our credentials speak for themselves. I'm written up in the New England Journal of Medicine three times, Plastic Reconstructive Surgery Journal twice…
      Fiona: And how many times have you been written up in People Magazine, hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from Harvard. It's not what you've done, it's whom. Celebrity is power.
      Sean: Well, we're screwed. We can't get a celebrity til we've operated on a celebrity!
      Fiona: Or… become celebrities yourselves.
      Christian: You mean advertise?
      Fiona: Anyone can advertise but not everyone can get exposure.
      Sean: What's the difference?
      Fiona: The difference is, you don't look like the one placing the ad. That's publicity. That's what I do, better than anyone else in this town, for five thousand a month.
      Sean: We don't have it.
      Fiona: Too bad, puppy, because I have a unique opportunity that would fit you guys like a surgeon's glove.
      Christian: We've got it. What is it?
      Fiona: Hearts And Scalpels. (off their looks) You guys don't watch television? Hearts And Scalpels is a fantastic new series about plastic surgery. The show runner happens to be a client of mine and he's looking for a medical advisor to help him with the technical stuff.
      Sean: Are you saying that being on a television show would give us credibility?
      Fiona: Bingo! I think he's got it!

    • Liz: You're gonna need a bigger boat.
      Christian: What?
      Liz: Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark. You guys are in over your heads. You're chum, being devoured by all the Rodeo Drive great whites.
      Christian: You gotta have faith, Lizzie. The patients will come.
      Liz: Faith ain't gonna cut it out here, Christian. You want the Hollywood dream? You gotta go out and get it, not wait to be discovered. So get up off your asses and go get some. Get some tits while you're at it, too. Necks, chins, sagging vaginas. This is Los Angeles, for God's sake!

    • Sean: (whilst playing basketball) Real men don't cheat.
      Christian: They do if they want to win. Face it, partner, you can't dominate me. Never have, never will.

    • Bob: (about his surgery) Anyway, how soon can we get it taken care of?
      Christian: We're, uh, pretty booked up this week. How about next Tuesday?
      Bob: Please, this place is deader than my nana. Today. Make it happen.

    • (Christian's drinking multiple glasses of pineapple juice)
      Sean: What are you? A camel?
      Christian: Pineapple juice, baby! Makes a man's shooty-shoot taste infinitely sweeter. It's nature's guarantee of a second date.

    • [during "Hearts 'n Scalpels"]
      (cell phone rings)
      Aidan Stone: Yeah?...Car accident?...I'll be there in 10. 10 orgasms!

    • Sean: Jesus, does anyone in this town not have plastic surgery?
      Christian: I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whorehouse.

  • NOTES (6)


    • Freddy Prune: It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named p**** but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network

      The Sopranos featured a character called Salvatore Bonpensiero, known as 'Big P**** played by Vincent Pastore. HBO is a subscription-only service and does not carry normal commercials; both of these factors relieve HBO from pressures to tone down controversial aspects in their programs, thus allowing for explicit themes, such as graphic violence, sex and profanity- things that are censored heavily on mainstream television.

      Freddy's line "but we're television- not HBO" also refers to the HBO's slogan, "It's Not TV. It's HBO", which they used from 1997 until 2009.

    • Freddy Prune: It's OK for Tony Soprano's best friend to be named Pussy but we're television- not HBO- so we can't use the 'p' word on the network

      The Sopranos featured a character called Salvatore Bonpensiero, known as 'Big Pussy', played by Vincent Pastore. HBO is a subscription-only service and does not carry normal commercials; both of these factors relieve HBO from pressures to tone down controversial aspects in their programs, thus allowing for explicit themes, such as graphic violence, sex and profanity- things that are censored heavily on mainstream television.

    • Freddy Prune: I can't keep ripping off episodes of Chicago Hope, they'll start suing me.

      Chicago Hope was a medical drama series, created by David E. Kelley, that ran on CBS from 1994 to 2000 and starred Mandy Patinkin, Adam Arkin, Hector Elizondo, Peter MacNicol and Christine Lahti.

    • Liz: You're gonna need a bigger boat.
      Christian: What?
      Liz: Jaws. First time Brody sees the shark.

      Starring Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss, Jaws is a 1975 movie directed by Steven Spielberg. Based on a novel by Peter Benchley, it is the story of a gigantic great white shark that terrorizes the small island community of Amity.

    • Matt (in voice-over): Enclosed find a picture of the new bambino. Her name is Jenna. Kimber named her after some sitcom actress in the church I've never heard of.

      This possibly refers to Jenna Elfman, star of the once popular sitcom Dharma & Greg, who is a well-known Scientologist.