Christian: After all these years, Julia was the reason for our "Who's got the biggest dick?" contest, and now we find out she doesn't even like 'em. She's a dyk*.
Fiona: What are you? Leg man, ass man, tit man...?
Christian: Tit man, why?
Fiona: (unbuttoning her shirt) Mommy issues. You should know.
Fiona: Get yourself another publicist.
Christian: Wait. Fiona, I'm so...
Fiona: Sorry? Corrupt? Save it.
Christian: You're right. I'm an asshole.
Fiona: The town's full of assholes. What makes you special?
Christian: Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Christian: You have a daughter? That is fantastic. What about daddy? You pull him out of the drawer for Thanksgiving to baste the turkey?
Olivia: She was conceived in my college dorm the good, old-fashioned way by adding two hard bodies, a quart of rum and stirring.
Christian: Very kinky. Where's papa now?
Olivia: Where do you think? After he impregnated me, I bit off his head.
Mrs. Monroe: I need a bigger set of torpedoes to give myself a competitive edge.
Christian: The idea being bigger boobies bigger tips.
Mrs. Monroe: Bingo baby.
Christian: Julia called yesterday and said she's moving in with someone.
Sean: Well that's great. She's seeing someone, I'm seeing someone.
Christian: Since when you're seeing someone?!
Sean: I'm having a little fling with somebody on the show, an actress.
Christian: Well there's a bit of a difference here. You're not moving in with your current piece of ass!
(Discussing Julia and her new girlfriend, Olivia)
Christian: I can't stop wondering… do you think she yells out 'Ollie' or 'Livvie' when she's...
Sean: Oh, shut up
Christian: I didn't say anything
Sean: It's what you're not saying. It's what I know you're thinking. Just say it; you're thinking she wouldn't be a lesbian if she'd been married to you. That I must be such a lousy lay that my wife went from dwarf humping to carpet munching.
Sean: It's not funny.
Christian: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at us. I mean, come on, it is funny. Think about it. After all these years, Julia was the reason for our 'who's got the biggest dick contest'; now we find out, she doesn't even like 'em.
(Scheduling Joyce's plastic surgery)
Christian (consulting the appointment book): I have an opening on, uh, Thursday morning
Joyce: Oh. (She smiles) You're wonderful Dr. Troy...
(Christian laughs, pleased)
Joyce: But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with a star. I was hoping Dr. McNamara could do me.
Sean: (surprised): I'd be happy to do you.
Music featured in the episode:
'Blues For Mothers' - Henry Mancini
'I Wanna Be Loved By You' - Marilyn Monroe
'Blue Satin' - Henry Mancini
'Don't You Want Me' - Human League
'Can't Stand Losing You' - The Police
'Beast Of Burden' - Rolling Stones
'Perpetuate The Cycle' - Jed and Lucia
Although listed in the opening credits, John Hensley and Kelly Carlson do not appear in this episode.
Lauren Hutton receives the 'and' credit.
Portia de Rossi and Bradley Cooper are both credited as Special Guest Stars.
Sean: Oh, and I was really impressed when they call that other actress' name?
Kate: Mariska Hargitay.
Mariska Hargitay is an actress best known for her role in the show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.
Sean: I can't believe Grey's Anatomy won.
This is an obvious allusion to the hit show from ABC, Grey's Anatomy.