Season 5 Episode 2

Joyce & Sharon Monroe

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Nov 06, 2007 on FX



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Christian: After all these years, Julia was the reason for our "Who's got the biggest dick?" contest, and now we find out she doesn't even like 'em. She's a dyk*.

    • Fiona: What are you? Leg man, ass man, tit man...?
      Christian: Tit man, why?
      Fiona: (unbuttoning her shirt) Mommy issues. You should know.

    • Fiona: Get yourself another publicist.
      Christian: Wait. Fiona, I'm so...
      Fiona: Sorry? Corrupt? Save it.
      Christian: You're right. I'm an asshole.
      Fiona: The town's full of assholes. What makes you special?
      Christian: Nothing, absolutely nothing.

    • Christian: You have a daughter? That is fantastic. What about daddy? You pull him out of the drawer for Thanksgiving to baste the turkey?
      Olivia: She was conceived in my college dorm the good, old-fashioned way by adding two hard bodies, a quart of rum and stirring.
      Christian: Very kinky. Where's papa now?
      Olivia: Where do you think? After he impregnated me, I bit off his head.

    • Mrs. Monroe: I need a bigger set of torpedoes to give myself a competitive edge.
      Christian: The idea being bigger boobies bigger tips.
      Mrs. Monroe: Bingo baby.

    • Christian: Julia called yesterday and said she's moving in with someone.
      Sean: Well that's great. She's seeing someone, I'm seeing someone.
      Christian: Since when you're seeing someone?!
      Sean: I'm having a little fling with somebody on the show, an actress.
      Christian: Well there's a bit of a difference here. You're not moving in with your current piece of ass!
      Sean: Yeeet!

    • (Discussing Julia and her new girlfriend, Olivia)
      Christian: I can't stop wondering… do you think she yells out 'Ollie' or 'Livvie' when she's...
      Sean: Oh, shut up
      Christian: I didn't say anything
      Sean: It's what you're not saying. It's what I know you're thinking. Just say it; you're thinking she wouldn't be a lesbian if she'd been married to you. That I must be such a lousy lay that my wife went from dwarf humping to carpet munching.
      (Christian laughs)
      Sean: It's not funny.
      Christian: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at us. I mean, come on, it is funny. Think about it. After all these years, Julia was the reason for our 'who's got the biggest dick contest'; now we find out, she doesn't even like 'em.

    • (Scheduling Joyce's plastic surgery)
      Christian (consulting the appointment book): I have an opening on, uh, Thursday morning
      Joyce: Oh. (She smiles) You're wonderful Dr. Troy...
      (Christian laughs, pleased)
      Joyce: But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with a star. I was hoping Dr. McNamara could do me.
      Sean: (surprised): I'd be happy to do you.

  • Notes

    • Music featured in the episode:
      'Blues For Mothers' - Henry Mancini
      'I Wanna Be Loved By You' - Marilyn Monroe
      'Blue Satin' - Henry Mancini
      'Don't You Want Me' - Human League
      'Can't Stand Losing You' - The Police
      'Beast Of Burden' - Rolling Stones
      'Perpetuate The Cycle' - Jed and Lucia

    • Although listed in the opening credits, John Hensley and Kelly Carlson do not appear in this episode.

    • Lauren Hutton receives the 'and' credit.

    • Portia de Rossi and Bradley Cooper are both credited as Special Guest Stars.

  • Allusions

    • Sean: Oh, and I was really impressed when they call that other actress' name?
      Kate: Mariska Hargitay.

      Mariska Hargitay is an actress best known for her role in the show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

    • Sean: I can't believe Grey's Anatomy won.

      This is an obvious allusion to the hit show from ABC, Grey's Anatomy.