Christian (to Sean, regarding Kimber/Eden): "There are seven signs to the apocalypse, right? Not two".
Yes, Christian there are probably seven signs but with this screwed up show, the ration of psychos to normal folk is probably looking like 1000:1 so to speak. Never have there been two characters on TV that has attracted this amount of lunatic.
It's also worthy to point out that when Christian and Sean are not attracting lunatics and **** they sure as hell behave like them too. Those two are like a walking advert for celibacy if there ever was one.
Two psycho bints that refuse to leave the lads lives are Kimber and Eden. Only this time around the women have teamed up to do porn together, despite an on-set accident. Eden getting into porn is about as surprisingly as the misogyny Christian seems to spew nowadays.
I mean Eden's the same girl who earlier on in the season bullied Annie into an eating disorder and sexual activity, bragging about teaching herself how to deep throat and was stupid to let her best gay freak goad her into getting unnecessary liposuction. For a girl who's been poisoning Julia, Eden is pretty damn stupid herself.
It's pretty laughable that Sean is the only person who is shocked that Eden is doing porn. Then again it was also laughable how the writers retconned Sean's animosity for the girl so he could screw around with her. Christian on the other hand just has a go at Kimber for sucking Eden into a destructive industry. It's not that Christian gives a damn about Eden, it's just he enjoys belittling Kimber as best he can.
The accident Eden has though is just a black eye. Eden apparently wanted to make her mark but Kimber ended up getting the wrong idea and left her with a shiner. Well Eden did tell Kimber to smack her one and goodness knows that someone needed to. What's really hilarious that aside from the punch, Kimber and Eden's little sex scene is actually tasteful. That's probably because for the last three years the writers have done nothing but dish out revolting sex scenes but it's also because it's nicely shot and almost art house. However given the premise behind the porn shoot, Kimber's just basically screwing herself.
However while Christian has no desire to help Kimber out, Sean agrees to do the surgery because of Eden. I quite liked Kimber having a dig at Sean being the bigger star than Christian too. Regardless of it being nasty, I think Christian did deserve that, even if it came from Kimber of all people.
Eden on the other hand is also one not to miss a trick. Her descent into porn has little to do with her over inflated ego or her predilection for the odd bit of cocaine but more down to her tryst with Aidan hitting the web. Because Kimber and Ram actively sought Eden, we're supposed to believe that she's some of a victim but in fairness, she's anything but.
Sean might be stupid enough to believe her little sob story but I couldn't care less. Eden simply could've told Kimber and Ram to get lost if she didn't want to do porn but she didn't. Far as I can see, Eden's using this sink her claws back into Sean and by getting him as her knight in shining armour, Sean's enabling her.
It also doesn't help that Anna Lynne McCord's acting still hasn't improved since her debut. Eden would be such a great duplicitous character if the actress wasn't so wooden in the role. Also you gotta remember that Eden really does have a vicious tongue on her when she feels like it.
Now much as I love anyone (except Christian) insulting Kimber, is Eden really one to talk? Granted Eden hit home on Kimber's insecurity about being a sexual object but Eden isn't half as hot as she's like to think. There's also something strangely gratifying in watching Kimber threaten her. There are a lot of people that Kimber wouldn't stand a chance but I have a feeling she could eat Eden for breakfast if she wanted to. It's also the first time this season that I've managed to not be pissed off by the character.
Kimber's not the only eyesore too. There's Ram being smart enough to figure out that Sean had a thing with Eden and using this to get free work done on his older ladies. Sean's way too eager to bail Eden out but at least Ram's goading ensures that Eden realises that she doesn't have a chance in getting back into Sean's bed.
However Colleen is even more effective in putting a divide between Sean and Eden. She might be jealous and scary but she preys on Eden's insecurities when telling her that Sean saw her as nothing more than a piece of meat. I should feel for Eden at this point but crazy Colleen is more sympathetic. Eden should count herself lucky that Colleen didn't stuff her instead.
To deal with Sean not loving her, Eden then renews her contract with Kimber and Ram and even sleeps with Ram while Kimber is still in the bed. Ram is a right wedge of sleaze but again, I still don't feel for Eden.
As for Kimber, although I still do dislike her, it's nice to see her being more tolerable than usual. However I get the impression that she might be getting her own desserts over the Matt thing with the fact that Ram is a controlling bastard and I wouldn't be surprised if he overstepped the mark and became psychotically possessive of her. When Kimber is in porn she seems to be in her element. Her writing skills might suck tremendously but she has a savvy for what works and what doesn't and with Ram taking over her career, she might just end up making too many sacrifices. Why is it that no-one in this show is capable of picking a stable partner. Even Kimber has a penchant for choosing the wrong lovers (besides Christian).
Getting back to the nutters of the episode, it was only a matter of time before Colleen would be exposed but with two episodes left; I was hoping the writers would leave it a little longer. I guess they must have something (hopefully better) up their sleeve to end things with.
Psychotic or not, one thing that can't be denied is that Colleen is a very good agent. If she wasn't a lunatic she'd be every actor's best safety net. She takes interest in you as a person more than as a marketing machine, fights your corner and also sways you away from doing tacky adverts and sponsorship deals. The problem is that aside from being a nut job, she's also not an agent too.
I guess that should've been apparent when Bob caught her out in a lie before she killed him but its Bliss who really exposes her for being a fake. For some reason Bliss takes an instant dislike to Colleen so I kept wondering whether or not Bliss would end up being another victim of the psycho lady.
It turns out that Colleen really is just an obsessive fan of Sean and happens to be only a teddy bear saleslady. Given that Colleen has acted pretty erratically since the moment that Sean first met her, it's amazing that he uses this particular reveal to lay into her before telling her to get lost.
Against my own better judgement I actually did sympathise a little with Colleen. Just like Ava and James, while her actions are beyond reprehensible, Sharon Gless is such a great actress she's able to convey just that fragment of sympathy for Colleen. I'm still disgusted by her behaviour but I'm also fascinated to know what really drove her to doing the things she has done.
Sean was justified in being rude to her but at the same time; he's still caring about Eden so his judgement is still crap at best. Colleen trying to kill herself in Sean's apartment as he found her was a creepy end to the episode. Would the writers really finish Colleen up that quickly? I guess after the rushed way they offed Gina, anything is possible.
On to the boring segment of the episode, Christian for the billionth time this season is still threatened by Sean's success. If Kimber laying into his sexual prowess and abilities as a surgeon wasn't bad enough, Colleen also told him that he stood no chance of becoming an actor. If there's another to like Colleen, I think it has to be that.
While it's nice to have people believe in you, it's always not good to have that person bring out a reckless side to you also. Christian finds himself competing with other surgeons to end up working on an elite bunch of middle aged chicks with more money than sense. Apparently these ladies are responsible for the success of some of the Hollywood elite. I can just imagine some executive thinking there may be a show idea in there somewhere.
Of course Christian lands the gig by showcasing his dick and while he's able to work on some of these hags, he makes the grave error in turning Lulu into a cat. Well she ask for feline features and because Christian is such a dolt nowadays, he's only too prepared to jeopardise his own medical licence in order to gain the tiniest bit of acclaim.
Liz and the girls do threaten Christian before and after he does the operation and it's not too shocking to later learn that Lulu is bipolar and off her medication. The fact that Christian didn't even bother to check her records shows increased stupidity on his part. Amazingly Sean managed to not rip him a new one but then again his judgement is crap too.
Also in "Lulu Grandiron"
Colleen and Bliss argued at the start of the episode over beauty pageant and salad bar company ads. Sean wasn't impressed with either choice.
Colleen (to Christian): "I just don't have the time to build a career for someone who's untrained and untalented"
Colleen: "It's true. Sorry honey".
I found it rather weird that Christian didn't actually respond to that insult. He doesn't usually take criticism lightly.
Christian (to Eden): "And sadomasochism came to mind?" Kimber: "That's the only way to make an impression in this business".
Annette: "This reminds me of my last husband"
Marla: "Isn't that the one you nicknamed 'is it in' yet?"
Christian's competitors for the role of surgeon to that club included a set of twins and some older men. Of course, it's Christian's balls that got him in.
Eden (to Kimber): "I may be new at this but even I know that it's youth that sells porn, no sentimentality".
Kimber (to Eden): "Don't ever cross me baby girl or you'll regret it".
Kimber is now writing her own porn scripts but Ram is only allowing her to film sex scenes with women. Controlling or what?
Lulu: "You're not just a plastic surgeon. You're a modern day Michelangelo"
Christian: "I wouldn't go that far. Roden maybe".
Eden: "You're a liar"
Colleen: "You may look down on me but do you really think I'm a liar?"
Standout music: "Memories" by Waldeck and "The Edge" by David McCallum.
Ram: "How's my baby doing?"
Ram: "Welcome to the family".
Chronology: A few days since "Kyle Ainge".
"Lulu Grandiron" is a fairly interesting episode. There's a lot of great dialogue and the music is certainly one of the season's best. However while the plots remain discussion worthy, Christian's aggression towards Sean has gotten old at this point and sadly I don't see it stopping anytime soon.