Season 4 Episode 3

Monica Wilder

Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Sep 19, 2006 on FX



  • Trivia

    • Liz says that Christian's sex tape was on Youtube. This is almost impossible seeing as Yotube doesn't allow porn to be upload. It's possible that it may have been temporarely on Youtube, but the video would have been flagged and taken down before it reached 6,000 views or downloads, as Liz stated.

    • There is no way Christian could be unaware that he was being filmed. The video, as uploaded, was cut together from several different angles -- a few directly from the woman's point of view and one seemingly from his own.

      In the show, of course, he was more worried about how he looked in the video rather than the fact of its existence, but he did seem more or less thrown by it.

    • While viewing Christian's YouTube porn video, Liz mentions that the video has been downloaded 6000 times. Videos on YouTube cannot be downloaded and are available for online streaming only, so she probably meant "has been viewed 6000 times".

  • Quotes

    • (Sean and Julia interview Mr. Sawyer, a man with dwarfism, for the night nurse job)
      Julia: Have you worked with handicapable children before?
      Mr. Sawyer: Ooh. 'Handicapable'. That's like calling me 'height-challenged'. The worse thing you can do for your son is tiptoe around his condition. I speak from personal experience.
      Sean: Luckily, it looks like we're going to be able to reconstruct his hands with a series of surgeries.
      Mr. Sawyer: Can I ask why you've decided to operate before you've even met him?
      Sean: We feel it's his best chance to live a normal life
      Mr. Sawyer: OK, but don't you think it's important to hold his hand before you change it?

    • Michelle: (after trying to fire Liz) I won't stand for an employee feeling pressured sexually and that includes me.
      Liz: Since when is offering a kind ear to a co-worker considered sexual harassment?
      Michelle: You turned an innocent encounter I had with an old friend into a lurid sexual tryst. I won't work in an environment where I have to worry that every contact I have with a woman encourages your sexual fantasies.
      Liz: I am sorry if I offended you, and maybe I went too far, but I know what I saw
      Michelle: You saw what you wanted to see
      Liz: What is that supposed to mean?
      Michelle: It means that not everyone is gay, Liz.

    • Liz: You can't hide behind those slimming scrubs anymore, Superchub. I saw the tape.
      Christian: I don't think it's appropriate to discuss your new jerk-off material over surgery.
      Liz: Oh, I didn't masturbate to your sex tape, Christian. I am not a chubby-chaser.

    • Liz: Michelle, I just want you to know that I was in the same boat as you when I got my memo. I wasn't married, but I was living with a guy when I came out.
      Michelle: Came out? What are you talking about?
      Liz: Well, I saw you in the parking lot. With your girlfriend.
      Michelle: She's just a friend.
      Liz: She was fondling your breasts. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, that I'm here for you.

    • Nurse Linda: Nobody tells me anything! I thought we didn't have surgery til ten.
      Sean: Just a deviated septum. Nothing I can't handle on my own.
      Nurse Linda: (seeing the patient) Isn't that Monica Wilder?
      Christian: Who's Monica Wilder?
      Nurse Linda: She's the night nurse I referred to Sean and Julia. I didn't know she had a deviated septum.
      Christian: So you'll give your night nurse a nose job but you won't give your partner some lunchtime lipo?
      Sean: She's not my night nurse. We didn't hire her. She didn't really have enough experience.
      (a long pause as Christian and Nurse Linda take this information in)
      Christian: You porked her!
      Sean: This girl can't breathe during allergy season! Her needs are totally different from yours. (to other nurse) Mallet.
      Christian: The only difference is you deviated your dick into her, hypocrite.

    • Sean: What's a 'wonderwall'?
      Monica Wilder: It's… somebody you can always lean on. No matter what you need, they're there for you.

    • Monica Wilder: God, I miss that time. Nothing to do but chill and have fun.
      Sean: No responsibilities. All that ends when you have kids. That feeling of freedom. Nobody demanding anything from you. That's what youth is.

    • Christian: I've been trying to get a hold of you for a week, Matty.
      Matt: I've been kinda busy.
      Christian: Doing what? Handing out leaflets at airports with Hare Kimber?
      Matt: See, that's why I don't want to talk to you, man. You're an SP.
      Christian: Goddamnit, I'm not superficial!
      Matt: Suppressive Personality. Y'know, someone who keeps you from being your true self, realising your full potential?
      Christian: Who told you that? The Self-Help Fairy?
      Matt: No, Kimber. She's got a lot more to her than you think, man.
      Christian: Trust me, Slick, I know every inch of that woman. She's nothing more than a bleached-blonde vampire and you need to stay the hell away from her.

    • Christian: How do you get that lineation in your abs there? I've been doing a thousand crunches a week and I can't seem to get mine to pop like that.
      Dr Mike Hamoui: I don't eat. (off Christian's look) Seriously. I have protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a light dinner, and no refined sugars. And I'm in here every day.
      Christian: How do you find the time?
      Dr Mike Hamoui: Well, the hour you spend watching Sports Center, I'm in here. During your forty-five minute lunch at Joe Stone Crab, I'm jogging down the Strand. Gotta make the sacrifices.
      Christian: Sacrifices? You're a goddamn physical terrorist.
      Dr Mike Hamoui: But I don't have to wait to get into heaven to screw forty virgins.

    • Christian: There's an epidemic of obesity in this country and it's our job to exemplify a healthy alternative.
      Sean: Passing on the Key Lime Pie or that second bottle of Merlot might be a more reasonable way to set an example.
      Christian: Diet?
      Sean: Yeah.
      Christian: Is that what we tell the twenty people a week who come in here looking to get their spare tyres sucked out? No, Sean. We're in the quick fix biz. (unbuttons his shirt) I went through the video a few more times and I've identified these as my problem areas. (starts marking his stomach)
      Sean: I saw the video too. I think it's your ass you should be marking up.

    • Christian: (after asking Sean to do liposuction on his stomach) My imperfections, whilst slight, have been broadcast for the whole world to see, Sean. Now I have a strong ego but when a whole city starts looking at you as if you're flawed… it's hard not to start believing.

    • (as they watch Christian's sex tape on YouTube)
      Christian: This is bullshit!
      Sean: It's also illegal. You could sue. This is an invasion of privacy!
      Christian: I don't give a shit about that! Leaked sex tapes are gold. But look at the angle she's got on my tummy, I look like Jabba The Hutt. (cut to the tape) Jesus!
      Nurse Linda: The camera does add fifteen pounds.

    • Christian: (to Sean) Call my cell-phone. Beepers are for plumbers and drug-dealers.

    • Liz: (to Michelle) You can sing whatever song you want to in front of them (Sean and Christian), but I will not let your gay-shame cost me my job. You know I thought having a woman run this place was gonna make a big difference, but with you it's all espresso machines and fresh carpeting Michelle, I am still working for a dick!

    • (In the gym showers)
      Dr. Mike Hamoui: You're staring at my dick?
      Christian: No, I'm checking out your ass.

    • (In the gym, looking at Dr. Mike Hamoui)
      Christian: Models and actors. Got nothing but time to work out and jerk off looking at themselves in the mirror.
      Trainer: Yeah, actually he's not an actor, that's Dr. Mike Hamoui, he's a plastic surgeon too.

    • Christian: I went to a club last night, I could feel everybody's eyes looking at my stomach.
      Sean: Christian, this is classic body dysmorphic disorder. Look at yourself at the mirror, you are a model of physical perfection.
      Christian: I know, but I can be better. I know I can. Would you tell a millionaire to stop making money?!

    • (Staring at the laptop screen)
      Christian: Holly shit! Is that my ass?!

    • (About the YouTube video)
      Liz: Your fat ass has been downloaded 6000 times, Christian.

    • Dr. Mike Hamoui: This town is filthy with malakas who will pay the big bucks to look half as good as we do.

  • Notes

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Norway: August 25, 2008 on TV3
      Australia: October 27, 2008 on NineHD
      Czech Republic: December 3, 2008 on TV Nova

    • Peter Dinklage (Mr. Sawyer) and Sanaa Lathan (Michelle) were credited as "Special Guest Stars". At the same time, Lathan received the "And" credit.

    • Music featured in the episode:
      "He's the greates dancer" by The Sister Sledge (Sean and Christian talk about their new cars)
      "Le freak" by Chic (Christian and Matt meet at the gym)
      "Wonderwall" by Oasis (Sean is driving Monica back to her hotel)

    • Although listed in the opening credits, Kelly Carlson does not appear in this episode.

  • Allusions

    • Liz: Looks like you screwed over one A/V nerd too many, hotpants. This was posted on YouTube yesterday.

      Info from the YouTube site: Founded in February 2005, YouTube is a consumer media company for people to watch and share original videos worldwide through a Web experience. YouTube has grown into an entertainment destination with people watching more than 70 million videos on the site daily.