Chris: I think it's big of you, Maurice. Admitting defeat to a man you consider to be inherently inferior.
Chris: You and Lester been shooting some capitalism?
Ruth-Anne: She made a $2700 error.
Chris: Yeah, what's the problem?
Ed: I've been talking to Maurice...
Ruth-Anne: That's your problem.
Ed: I'll bet he's rich.
Ed: The Jolly Green Giant.
Ruth-Anne: Hold down the fort, Ed. I'll be in inventory hell with the dragon lady all day.
Maggie: When you guys wade through the river tomorrow, I know you're going to make us proud!
Shelly: At that age, guys just keep going and going, like the battery bunny rabbit.
Maggie: So people think just 'cause I don't have a man I'm lonely?
Shelly: (getting Maggie dressed) Those guys are gonna be busting out of their jeans!
Maurice: I will not stand up and tell the world that Maurice Minnifield was bamboozled by Nanook of the North!
Maurice: You want me to say I let an Indian get me drunk and pull the wool over my eyes?
Maurice: I figured I'd just run this up the flagpole, see if anyone salutes.
Maurice: ("teaching" Ed a "lesson") Keep your head down, your aim high, and you will succeed. Don't let me keep you from your work.
IRS auditor: What do you call a man who sleeps with his own marriage counselor?
IRS auditor: (sees Ruth-Anne accept furs for groceries) So how do you record the sale?
Ruth-Anne: I didn't sell it, I traded it.
Chris: (announcing the homecoming fish-off) It says right here "be there, or be square." I'm not sure what that means.
Kevin: We think it's just too bad a great-looking woman like you is alone all the time.
Maggie: Don't you think I'm just a little too old to be queen?
Kevin: No, not to me.
Kevin: (three guys come up to Maggie) Hi, we're the Senior Class Committee over at Cicely school. Actually, we're the senior class over at Cicely school.
Kevin: The Homecoming queen is supposed to be a babe.
At the very end of the filming for the Homecoming dance scene, Brett Low put down his guitar, hopped off of the stage and approached Janine Turner with his guitar pick in his outstretched hand and said: "Ms. Turner? Here's my guitar pick!" Janine uncomfortably accepted with a strange look, immediately darted off to her trailer and disappeared. Within a minute, Ms. Turner's silver haired bodyguard came out of the trailer and introduced himself to the band with first his name, then followed with the immense list of military, and martial arts accreditations he had earned in his nearly 60 year lifespan. He was very friendly and spent the next half hour talking casually with the band.
Also the official title of Sea of Black's song in this episode is "You're Gone", from their self released album titled "NOW". Easy to get that one mixed up, and not really too darned important.
The band that played the homecoming dance was from Seattle, Washington and is called "Sea of Black." Johnny "Rage" Goldsmith was the singer, Brett Low played guitar and is reported to have subsequently freaked out Janine Turner at the end of the filming session. "Johhny O" Ostrem was the drummer and Roland Rosalez played bass.
- "Do You Wanna Touch" by Joan Jett
- "English Tea Rooms" by Victoriana
- "Mozart Flute Quartet" by Mozart
- "Surfer Girl" by Beach Boys
- "Now You're Gone" by Sea of Black