Ed: Suicide's not the Indian way. Shelly: It's not? Ed: Oh yeah. Don't go where you're not invited and all that.
(describing the range of the new radio transmitter) Maurice: Not factoring in sunspot activity and other things of that nature, I'd say about 200 miles. Ed: Wow. (pause) You realize there's not another town inside 200 miles, right?
Maggie: We have to make an announcement. Joel: An announcement? Maggie: Yeah. Joel: You mean like, "The parents of Mary Margaret O'Connell and the parents of Joel Fleischman are pleased to announce..." Maggie: No. Joel: Oh, good.
Joel: If this were New York you wouldn't have a chance. But this isn't New York. It's not even the twentieth century.
Joel: The sexual tension-well, you could cut it with a knife. Maggie: Try a hacksaw.
Chris: (reading a letter Ed has written to the town) Dear Everybody, I feel fine. Really.
Maurice: I'd rather put a 9mm bullet in my brain than spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.
Maurice: I'm trying to reach a settlement here! Chris: No you're not. You're trying to reclaim the illusion that you're in control, and you're not. No one is.
Chris: They say it's an ill wind that bloweth no man to good. I think our own Dr. Joel Fleischman will attest to that. For those of you who missed it, Maggie scored a one round decision over Dr. Fleischman last night. Right jab to the old honker. Pow! T.K.O. What better sign that the coho winds are once again upon us… My advice this year, don't fight them, embrace them. Know your enemy.
Music: - "A Funeral in My Brain" by David Schwartz - "There I Go Again" by Vinx
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