Zoey: (to Jackie) Oh my God, you're asking me to cover for you? (Jackie nods) I've dreamt of this day!
Cooper: (to a patient who got stabbed into the thigh) What happened, dude? You get mugged by a midget?
Zoey: I don't think that's...
Cooper: Little person. Sorry, little nurse Jackie.
Zoey: You probably meant that as an insult. Very much a compliment.
Cooper: Eddie, Eddie, I really need like a Zyrtec or something.
Eddie: What's the matter, are you allergic to yourself?
Cooper: Can I just say I'm loving it here today?
Eddie: Really? Why is that?
Cooper: Well, number one, you're back. Number two, Jackie's gone.
Eddie: Oh yeah? Where did she go?
Cooper: Eh, I don't really like to think about what she does when she's not around.
Cooper: You're probably wondering what I'm having a reaction to. Am I right?
Eddie: No, not really.
Cooper: It's cats, that's what. Actually, it's one particular cat. You know Sam?
Eddie: Sam-- Sam the cat?
Cooper: Does me fucking [Sam's] girlfriend make me a total dick?
Eddie: No. A lot of things qualify you be a dick.
Mrs. Akalitus: Drinks?
Dr. O'Hara: You're joking.
Mrs. Akalitus: I don't joke.
Dr. O'Hara: So if you're not married anymore, how come you still wear that ring.
Mrs. Akalitus: Keep people away. Cops, short fat married men. They see me in a nice suit and can't help themselves. Catnip.
Patient: I-- I have Tourette's. Uh, not the yelling kind. That would totally suck.
Zoey: But the really great stabbing yourself kind?
Cooper: It's getting a little weird, huh?
Sam's Girlfriend: What?
Cooper: 'Cause I gotta see the guy every day. And 'cause you're his girlfriend.
Sam's Girlfriend: People need to expand their minds. And I need to break up with him.
Cooper: Why? He's a nice guy.
Sam's Girlfriend: He's a nurse.
Original International Air Dates:
Slovakia: March 22, 2011 on Doma
United Kingdom: April 23, 2011 on BBC2/BBC HD
Finland: March 12, 2012 on Nelonen
Germany: May 31, 2012 on TNT Serie
This episode is rated TV-MA for graphic language and adult content.