Judy: I recommend Franny and Zooey, or "Zoo-ey," because she has a nervous breakdown and it turns out to be... a really good idea.
Judy: The guy I'm in love with? He's married. Last night I watched this documentary about the making of the "Wizard of Oz." They interviewed all these people who worked on the film, and this one man, who played one of the munchkins, he was young when he got the part, he'd lived his whole life on a farm, he'd never met another little person. And when he got to that set, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. And that's how I felt, meeting Sam, like I'd finally found another a munchkin. And he's gone.
Lily: There's no way to justify my behavior.
Lily: You know what I am? In the wrong. It's like someone handed me a pamphlet, "How to be in the wrong," and I followed the directions exactly.
David: Not beautiful enough.
Will: I've been on my own since I was sixteen and I lived out of my car for a whole year, so I don't expect things to be fair. But there's a certain kind of woman who, when she sees me, all she sees is someone who's not good enough. And that's always the woman I want.
Jake: Doesn't "gluck" mean happiness? In German, or something?
Judy: I doubt it.
Will: I have a dog.
Judy: I mean, I hope that you're not... What kind of dog?
Will: Well, it's just the regular kind.
Jake: No, no! Not with napkins. Use fists.
Rick: He should not meet Christie.
David: What, is she really ugly?
Lily: Oh, David.
Rick: You see? You see?
Lily: What is ugly? What's beautiful? What about Mother Teresa?
David: Well, there's the age difference and the fact that she's deceased, but hey, give her my number.
Judy: "My Sister's Bookstore" just doesn't sound, um...
Grace: It sounds like a lesbian bookstore, mom.
Lily: No it doesn't.
Judy: Well, it kind of does, Lily. I've kind of taken an informal poll and I want to match everyone up, not just lesbians.
David Clennon (Miles Drentell) does not appear in this episode.