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Once Upon a Time S03E16: It's Not Easy Being Green


Well, Once Upon a Time unveiled Zelena's backstory this week, and shockingly it was all about her double dose of parental abandonment. Basically every character on this show has complicated issues with their parents, but all the “good” folks have parents who ultimately wanted them. All the “bad” characters have parents who ultimately rejected them. I don’t know if this is some kind of endlessly repetitive thesis statement on therapy and the criminal justice system or just lazy writing, but I really wish someone would make a supercut of all the OUAT scenes in which long-haired, peasant-garbed extras loudly and abruptly disown their children.







Zelena was a super magical baby, which weirded out her peasant dad so much that he disowned her one morning after she gave him a nice shave, then told her to make his breakfast—and she was like, “Me and my magic are outta here, I’m going to the Wizard of Oz!” and bless Rebecca Mader’s heart, she said that line with a straight face. 





The Wizard equipped her with the Silver Slippers and off she went to creepy-crawl Regina’s royal apartments.

Meanwhile, Emma, the Charmings and an extremely haute couture Regina were having a potluck wake for Neal at Granny’s, because the Charmings’ apartment has the square footage of a cocktail napkin and using the church’s fellowship hall means inviting the Blue Fairy, so no thanks. Like a vulture diving for a freshly killed skunk, Hook was diving nose-first into Emma’s business. He wanted to tell Henry about Bae, about boys, about boats, and also he wanted to secretly smell Emma's hair. She made this snappy little joke about “What are you going to teach him about, eyeliner and leather?”and Hook got completely quiet. His reaction was the kind of serious usually reserved for explaining to youngsters Why the Goldfish is Upside-Down, and it made the comment seem waaaay more mean and the moment was so weirdly, delightfully awkward. 






Across the extremely small diner, Tinker Bell was frantically micro-managing Regina's business, all like, “Have you noticed the lion tattoo? That is my guar-ON-tee that you and that dude are soul mates. What are you waiting for, huh? Go date that guy! Mmm, hmm, look at alllll that man meat. Why don’t you go get it, Regina?! Why don’t you go get that sweet, sweet man candy, Regina?! Is it because of Emma?! Is it because you guys are secretly in a relaish?! THEN SAY IT TO MY FACE, REGINA! WHY DON’T YOU SAY IT TO MY FACE!?” and bursting into full-body sobs.







...but then BANG, Granny’s door had flown open and Zelena was waltzing in wearing a full-on witch costume/what she wears everyday and announcing herself as the Baddest Witch Who Ever Bewitched Y’all, Bitches because she’d given up waiting for the Charmings to come find her. She knew if she waited on them, her plan for small-town domination could take another four seasons and she did not have the patience.



I honestly think even with everything that went down last episode, Mary-Margs was still confused about who the witch was, and as for Zelena, I know she has Rumple’s dagger so she’s invincible, but her theatrical twilight showdown challenge was about as menacing and organic to the plot as a Gilbert & Sullivan musical number. Still, Regina was admirably game, that old bloodlust swirling up in her eyes, promising she’d be there with the her flashiest color accents on. Zelena hurried away to think of some more one-liners and retorts that involved the word “wicked," and Emma was like, “So is this one of those times where all we have to do is touch and everything turns out okay?” and Regina was like, “Prolly, but lemme take a swing at it on my own first because we’ve got six episodes left.”



So Regina went around to dig through Cora’s old love letters and we learned more about Zelena’s backstory, which involved getting Silver Slippers from the Wizard so she could transcend realms (where are those now? How soon ’til Emma gets her hands on ‘em?) and  getting a big Teacher’s Pet crush on Rumplestiltskin even though he was at the crisis point of his body-glitter phase. It was probably psychological transference: Who can resist a man who takes you out to the woods for a little blindfolded rage-therapy... 





...and then makes a pissing contest out of who has the saddest “abandoned widdle boy” memory? I also very much doubt the kindly weaving women who made him all those meat pies appreciate being referred to exclusively as “spinsters.” It’s Franny and Elspeth, okay?!?!? They're people THEY HAD NAMES.

Emma knew that Regina wanted to do things “on her own" but decided she was going to help whether Regina liked it or not by dangling Belle in front of Rumple to get him away from Zelena, because no one saw the episode that explained how powerful the Dark One’s Dagger is, I guess. It’s a remote control for his brain guys!  Although the repeating Rumpbelle relationship dynamic has never been so starkly illustrated as Belle bravely rushing into a cellar to help Rumple, and his first reaction being “GET OUT OF HERE!” Oh Belle. I got an ISBN for you to check out, girl it’s 9781416909538 a.k.a. He’s Just Not That Into You. Prepare to RELATE, lady.



Regina meanwhile had learned that a letter written by Rumple that she had always cherished, that of course we'd never heard of before this episode, had not been describing her when it praised Cora’s firstborn as “powerful,” “stunning,” and “capable of making a meat pie the size of a birthday cake.” No, all that praise was for Zelena, and Regina was feeling super insecure, which meant it was time for Robin Hood to step out from behind his hidey-tree and get in her head. 



Meanwhile, Hook took Henry out on a sloop and tried to show him how a sextant worked, because men channel important bonding moments through gadgetry. Killian didn’t do the mental math on Henry not remembering everything, and kept doing confusing stuff like mentioning when Bae was a boy and DRESSING IN FULL PIRATE GARB. Of all the issues I have with OUAT, I think the thing that ultimately puzzles me the most is why the producers refuse to let Colin just put on some cords and a sweater. Every time I look at his costume I get itchy. I just hope they have multiples so he hasn’t actually been wearing the same leather frock coat for two years. There must be union rules against that. 



Later he approached Emma about how much Bae was in her boy (lol) and she was like, “This is not a doorway conversation”—which, good point. But if you happen to ship Captain Swan, I can see why this might've felt like Hook slipping into daddy mode, and I actually agreed with his statement that she’s only delaying the inevitable in not telling Henry the truth about what’s going on in Storybrooke. The way baddies waltz around shouting exposition in this town, the truth or a fireball or both are going to hit the kid sooner or later.

At the Main Street showdown, all 15 of Storybrooke's residents turned up, and Emma almost challenged Zelena to a fistfight because she was getting so worried about Regina, but when Zelena turned on Emma, Regina showed up wearing statement gloves,. She whopped Zelena in the face and Zelena threw Regina into a car, then Itchy & Scratchy-style sent her into the clock tower.


You’d think at some point Regina would be like, “Hey, guess what, our mom was super abusive and married me to a weird old man and killed everyone I loved basically. Do you want to actually hear her about her for five minutes? Isn’t it cool that we both have always wanted to find our family and now we have family and maybe we can spend like five minutes talking?”

But obviously, bad characters only value family or act with any kind of naturalism when it’s convenient to the plot that they do so, so instead we got a lot of lady-on-lady punches, and then Zelena revealed that her whole big plan was to gather Regina’s heart, Rumple’s brain, and Charming’s courage and cast ANOTHER curse, because a season finale is coming, and I don’t know if OUAT is legally allowed to have a finale without a curtain of billowy CGI smoke sweeping across the landscape. We learned that Zelena would've killed Regina if she could've, and that Rumple had chosen Regina to cast the curse because he was the thing Zelena loved most. Zelena stuck her arm into Regina’s chest and rooted around like she was trying to find the flag in the last 30 seconds on a Family Double Dare obstacle course, but of course Regina had removed it before Zelena showed up.

“Something you would know if our mother hadn’t ABANDONED YOU” said Regina, a legitimately epic diss. 


Here poor Zelena thought she could throw around a lot of “wicked” wordplay and be hard, but the downside of endlessly spouting your tragic backstory like it’s a set of credentials is that then everyone knows your weak points, and can twist their verbal knives in you until no number of pointy hats will ever make you feel cool again. 

Zelena flew off at the moon and Emma ran up the stairs screaming to Regina, “ARE YOU ALRIGHT ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" but Charming got to Regina first and helped her up, whispering “Conceal don’t feel!” which is something he writes in the fog of the bathroom mirror every morning before putting on his “happy face” and barreling through the day. Regina explained that Zelena needed Regina's heart to cast another curse, and everybody onscreen did the saddest face, like, “Our lives are one hellish smoke curse loop!” But their sad faces were not nearly as sad as those of us viewers. ANOTHER CURSE, HUH!?




There’s an element of redundancy going on—the repetition of the abandoning parents, the long-lost relations, the mysterious cloud of smoke—that’s going to swiftly move OUAT from “enjoyably ludicrous” to “come on guys, it’s fantasy. There’s no rules. Surprise us maybe? Maybe she wants to cast a time warp, at least? Do we have to do the ‘big wall of smoke’ thing again?” I mean, the idea of a reset to the past is actually quite intriguing—especially as a means to redeem Regina/keep her from going full-on evil... unless that reset prevents Regina’s birth, what show would that even be? Oh, we know what show that would be:


1987–1988! Good times. 

Anyway, Regina staggered off to the woods to retrieve her heart from Robin, who had carefully hidden it under a pile of loose dirt. 





Hopefully Regina had some Windex wipes to get the spider eggs and squirrel scat off. And then she asked him to keep it for her during this whole “Zelena crisis” because A) it will shut Tinker Bell up and B) Emma is the first person Zelena would suspect if she’d lived in Storybrooke for more than 24 hours. No really, this was such an incredibly non-Regina thing to do. She has a giant secret crypt full of heart drawers, but she thinks this guy—who has no magic, who is only a pretty good shot, and who has a toddler around him all the time (toddlers = literally sticky fingers)—this guy is going to keep Zelena away from Regina's heart? Man, he better.


QUESTIONS:

... Too many curses?

... Too many parental abandonments?

... Should Belle change her Facebook status from “It’s Complicated” to “Single”?

... Do you think Hook has multiple Pirate Fancy Dress costumes, or just the one?

... If Henry doesn’t do something to save Regina, will part of you never be whole?

... Shouldn’t Emma and Regina basically just hold hands and beam Zelena outta there? Based on precedent, wouldn’t that solve everything?


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The thing that pissed me off about the Regina-Robin interaction was that it would've actually been much more enjoyable sans the entire Tinkerbell and "i don't appreciate my shitty life enough" stance.

Don't get me wrong, I like Tink quite a fair bit but I definitely believe her endless nagging did little service to the scene. Regina could have passed it off as a legitimately good trick by having Robin hide her heart instead of one of the usual suspects. And their relationship seems like one of the most well-developed one in the series thus far, so it really didn't have to harped about over and over again. And I really felt her entire statement of not noticing/appreciating things in front of her sounded too forced. The effect would've been better if she had simply handed the bag back to him and let us take the double meaning behind the whole "keep my heart safe" thing. Then again, this is Storybrooke where everything needs to be stated straight out otherwise we would've definitely missed it.

Other things:
- As much as I enjoyed watching Hook and Henry, it seemed quite out of place with the whole witch business at the back
- I can understand Cora never mentioning Zelena again, but Rumple? He literally let THE MOST POWERFUL WITCH he had ever seen go (with a grudge) and never ever expected her to come back? Since when did Rumple make such a glaring error in judgement?
- So this Walsh has never used magic before, but he can see into the past and predict the future? And has never tried to use any of the things before? He deserved to become a flying monkey.
- Where's Mulan, Robin?? No mention of her at all?
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I don't quite understand how robin hood can be in this show. While he is a mythical figure Nottingham is an actual place so does that mean theres a fantasy Nottingham and a real Nottingham or does Nottingham not exist in the universe.
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I'm waiting for Sonny to show up. Everyone else is already cuckoo, so I don't see why not. Or maybe Tom and Jerry. As Lucifer and Jaq.
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Once Dr. Frankenstein showed up, all bets were off. Hell, I expect to see Han Solo show up any day now to battle Hook for Emma. Maybe even little Anakin Skywalker to try to turn Henry to the dark side. And might as well bring in Peter Parker and David Banner to round out things. Although, Loki would make things interesting.
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Charming got to Regina first and helped her up, whispering “Conceal don’t feel!” which is something he writes in the fog of the bathroom mirror every morning before putting on his “happy face” and barreling through the day.

I think I may have pulled a muscle laughing. You are a God among men, Lily Sparks.
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I'm starting to ship Regina+Robin! They're kinda cute together!
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Oz-related OUAT is kicking Neverland-related one's ass!
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This review was fantastic! They're normally pretty funny but this one was just top! I couldn't stop giggling throughout! Looking forward to next weeks almost more than the actual episode!
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I like that Regina could see the fun in having Robin Hood around, she certainly needs it...
I am really over the long drawn out sexual tension between Hook and Emma - get on with it already - either put them together or get them someone else.
I also think it is IGNORANT to NOT tell Henry the truth. The longer she takes to tell him, the more it crushes all of them a little bit more each time.
Ok... so Zelena - ummmm.. What the???? I simply don't understand her at all. I mean every other BAD guy/girl I have understood their backstory.. But Zelena simply makes NO sense. Why would Rumpelstiltskin or Cora NEVER have said anything about her. There has not been a SINGLE mention in ANY fashion about her. This "Regina's Sister" gig is weak. It simply feel like like the writers are utterly devoid of any NEW ideas. We get Curse... Curse Broken. Kidnapping/Sucked through a portal. Return to Storybrooke... Oh look - CURSE. Oh look Bae is Henry's father.. Rumple is Henry's Grandfather. Pan is Henry's Great Grandfather. Cora was getting Jiggy with Rumple... Rumple should have been Regina's father. Pan dumped Rumple. Rumple Dumped Bae. Bae dumped Emma. Emma dumped Henry. Regina is Henry's adopted mother... She cast a curse because Her mother killed her boyfriend, because Snow "Tattle Taled" on her. Oh look Cora had another daughter and dumped her in another world. Oh look another family member "Regina's Sister" finds her way back to FTL and TaDa gets pissy with the Lack of attention. TaDa another bloody curse.
Seriously writers, there are some AWESOME fairy tales, you have not tackled. It is about time that the other Princes and Princesses got off their butts and helped fight the curses - isn't true loves kiss the breaker to all curses - yet not one of these people's curses were broken when they finally got together and "Kissed".
Okay - sorry rant over.
This episode was ok.. but I am starting to get bored with the same format over and over. Give Henry his memory back - he deserves the right to mourn his father properly. Have Emma and Hook get together. Let Regina and Hood get together. Give us a point to the curse that has been cast.
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i think this is my second best ep. of ouat, after the one that it was revealed that pan is rumple's father!!!season 3 is the best season so far!!
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I just about lost it at "OMG the witch looks just like Zelena!"

Then I got to "Polo/your meatpies taste like feet" and I did lose it. There were even tears.

Thank you for the laughs, Lily. I needed it tonight. :)
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This episode was a little better. Great recap and I'm with you. All I could think this episode was WHY is Hook still dressed like a pirate!!!!!! Enough!!!
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I like OUAT as a nice qwerky parody.

But the longer I watch it, the more I feel the Lost-series are being dismantled in my memory.


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According to the laws of Oz, Zelena took courage (from charming), wants a heart (regina's), so it will be a matter of time (next week?) when she will be searching for a brain.

I wish her all the luck. Wouldn't know myself where to find one in storybrooke.

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She already did state repeatedly (I think) that she has Rumple's brain (via his dagger) so all the ingredients have been identified already.
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Missed that.
:-)


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Me, too. I thought she wanted Rumple for the power, and she would eventually be going after Belle for her brain. They've been making a point over the last episode (or two?) to place Belle in "research mode."
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By the way, for those of you who do not ship SwanQueen and who believe it's all in our heads... You might want to take an hour to read this:

http://sacredbookofswen.tumblr.com/thecompletelist
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wow that was a really interesting and well thought out argument. thanks for sharing that...
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Sure! I think it's important to see where us SwanQueen shippers are coming from. We're only basing ourselves on the show. We like to think about the plot and we have our theories. That doesn't mean we're right about everything. It simply means we enjoy dissecting everything :)

And I really believe that SQ fan or not, people should take a look at that list.
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I think that there is a high possibility that the SwanQueen relationship will be the final season ending.. But I think that both Regina and Emma need to open themselves up to love - which is where hook and hood come into the equation.
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YES, thank you. I know all SQers don't believe that because for the most part we find the pairings of Emma/Hook & Regina/Hood ridiculous (because of their development--or lack thereof) so we like to point out WHY it won't LAST.
The thing is, we know it's going to happen. It makes us grit our teeth and the shippers with less patience or self-control sometimes go overboard and sent "hate" to either the other shippers or the writers. But hey, how old do you think they are?

I do believe that SwanQueen will be the ultimate pairing and I don't think for a second that it will happen anytime soon. In my opinion, if it happens it will be in the last ten episodes of the show. As long as their relationship continues to be well-developed I am not worried. Even though I want to gauge my eyes out when I see CS or OQ haha.
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Okay, gotta point out cause it's funny. Zelena has Charming's courage. She wants Regina's heart. So...who's brain is she going to snatch? It's funny, the three things Dorothy's Scarecrow, Tinman, and Lion all wanted from the wizard. Well, if she goes for a brain that is. Still, funny stuff.
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someone said in another post that she has Rumple's brain in that she has his dagger... but ya still think she could be looking for a brain hhaha ZombieZelena
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Okay, guys, I'm binge watching this right now. I'm about mid first season and I'm dying to know whether I've missed the big secret and just didn't catch it. What did Snow do to the Evil Queen?
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You'll learn in episode 18 "Stable Boy".
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ok they say true love is most powerful magic of all, shouldnt that be able to save dark one? and if i recall, dark one owe david a favor for helping bell get his memory, so by anychance will that show up later in story????
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Theoretically, true love kiss could break the dark one curse.. I guess the writers forgot that?
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Sorry I'm late to the party on this one- but I'm fairly sure Zelena holding the Dagger , and Rumple in a cage, are going to make the particular cure-all extremely difficult!
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damn u are right!!so???what next?any idea why she wants those things???
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My Miata !
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With the spoiler pic with Emma in EF peasant garb doesn't that mean that Zelena does indeed get Regina's heart and changes the past. And if that's the case one way or another she will get Regina's heart from Robin. So either Robin will betray Regina or be talked into it with promises of maybe bringing back Marion or perhaps she threaten his son life. It will be interesting to see how she gets it. Also I wonder how Hemry will play into things. How can he possibly save Regina if he has no way of remembering her. And Zelena had to be lying about not knowing who Emma was. Otherwise why go to all the trouble with Walsh. And the last thing is what if Regina sent Emma the memory potion we still don't know it wasn't her. With the missing year maybe she found perspective and knew only the two if them could defeat her. Then Zelena found out how powerful they are snd sent Walsh so Emma and Henry wouldn't leave New York.
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I'm wonder if Zelena gets her redo does that mean they can bring back characters that died like Gram, Neal and August.
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technically August is not dead but a little boy again Pinnocchio
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I know but he could be an adult again in the redo
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As much as I love Emma, I'm really annoyed about the fact that she STILL seems to want to take Henry back to New York and just forget everything. Like seriously?! Have the writers not been developing her character to be family oriented and just getting over abandonment to become an even stronger person? It's as if they're just tossing that out the window (or through hehe) whenever Emma's all: "Well pretty soon Henry and I are just gonna leave so peace Mom and Dad good luck with that new kid or whatever." I'm getting pretty annoyed with that, as much as I love Emma, it really needs to stop.
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Take 2: To be fair to the writers (and 'fair' does leave room for pointing out that they are a lot less clever than they like to believe :-) - but it probably also includes giving them a pass on repeated curses and time travel attempts and such. I was just trying to think of a fairy tale that doesn't involve curses, and couldn't actually come up with any (?) So probably repeated curses is a price that we all have to pay for admission into their fairytale universe. And regarding breaking the rules of magic, I can just picture them so excited about whatever along that line they were planning for Wonderland, right when the cancellation telegram arrived from ABC. So they are cooking up some leftovers with that idea. Felt that I might have been a little too cranky in my previous post, so I will give them the fact that curses tend to be ubiquitous in fairytales.
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There's PLENTY of fairy-tales without any curse!
Sure, there's magic in most fairy-tales, but not necessarily a curse. Let's see... In Puss in Boots, we have an Ogre, magical boots and a talking cat, but no curse. In Little thumb, the same magical elements apart from the talking cat, but no curse. In Cinderella, there's a fairy (that makes a car and a dress...) but still no curse...

And there's even fairy-tales without magic:
In Little Red Riding Hood, an old lady and her granddaughter get eaten by a wolf.(Don't wander in the woods, and don't talk to strangers, kids!)
In Bluebeard, a serial killer is stopped and killed by his brother-in-laws while he was trying to kill his wife. (Don't marry weird blue-bearded guys, girls!)
In The Emperor's New Clothes, a duo of Con men trick a vain emperor into going around naked.

There's plenty of other examples, so NO, curses are not an obligation in Fairy-tales, and YES there are too many curses in OUAT, and they are way too convenient: it is just lazy writing!
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I think the mistake is in calling it "curse", it's just a spell to travel back in time!
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Well, we seem to be at about the end of this chain :-) I do agree that there is a whale of a lot of lazy writing. But I dunno - if I was making bunches of money on this, mainly because I came up with one good character (EQ/Regina) and was trying to move the plot forward, I'm just not sure how I would do it without curses. But then, I don't make my living by writing fiction - and I do wish that these producers would keep some of the 'charm' while at the same time moving into more interesting character and plot interaction. But I am not sure, personally, how I would manage that...Curses! indeed.
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That's the problem here: the idea was pretty cool when OUAT started: to twist and link well-known fairy-tales/literature classics., and to give the "villains" real motives for being evil. But after the main "villains" of the show were sort of tamed ("they're not that bad after all"), and since the audience rates are high, what to do next? Find another villain! And when this one is defeated, another one! And another! Etc etc., until even the hard core fan base is disgusted by the show! That's sad! People should be able to write a show from first to last episode, film it and then end it! Just because a show is successful and makes money doesn't mean it HAS to go on forever!
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I feel like Rumplestiltskin's issue is less that he doesn't like Belle and more that she is literally the only person ever who has not abandoned him. He keeps trying to push her away because at least then it was his choice that she left, as opposed to her choice after he actually opened up to her the way he did with his dad and Mila and Baelfire and Cora and idk but if there's someone else important in his life you can probably add them to the list.
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There are several issues, and abandonment is one. Another is how much Zelena would enjoy punishing Rumple for not loving her back by forcing him to disembowel his True Love...
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UGH! That 80'2 show????? That actually aired????

And I heard about the Walking Dead that the boots that Rick Grimes' wears are the same boots from when the show first started.

So maybe that's the same leather frock on Hook
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My biggest gripe with the Wicked Witch as the big bad has been that no one in Storybrooke, having clearly seen "The Wizard of Oz", has thought to even attempt to throw a bucket of water on her. Is this what the writers will use to bring her down? Or will it take more? Someone should have at least tried it to be sure. I mean, even a glass of water in Granny's Diner would have been a solid way to at least test the theory that it might work. And surely there are fire hydrants on main street that someone could have uncapped during the "duel". Hell, it would have been hilarious (although anti-climactic) for Sneezy to bring the witch down with water and just look at everyone else and say "Wicked Witch, guys. Duh!"

Also, when Zelena tried to take Regina's heart and Regina was like "mom taught me to never bring my heart to a witch fight", I totally expected her to reach into Zelena's chest and rip out a glowing green heart! The fact that Regina didn't attempt to take Zelena's heart and defeat her then and there really disappointed me, because it seemed like the most obvious thing to try in that moment. For Regina to let Zelena get away made no sense given that she herself acknowledged you shouldn't bring your heart to the fight, and I seriously doubt Zelena thought to remove hers before coming to town.

It's sad to think I once binge watched this show on Netflix because I was truly entertained by its cleverness. Now I just watch it like its a train wreck, curious to see what stupidity will unfold next. That, and to see Lana Parilla on screen. Here's hoping that season 3 is the end for OUAT and that Lana Parilla and Robert Carlisle get to move on to bigger and better projects.
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I was totally sure Regina would have taken her heart! But then, Zelena would have been defeated and the season would have been over XD
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I was going to like your comment... then I read to the end. This show is amazing! And while the last few episodes have been a bit of a drop, they've always managed to get back up.
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OUaT is guaranteed to see five seasons. That's for syndication reasons. ABC owns the show and so gets to keep all the syndication cash when the show is sold, and they need 5 seasons for syndication. So ABC will be tolerant even of lower ratings than OUaT currently has, because OUaT is already over halfway there.
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I'm still confused if she is wicked witch of the west (she's green and has flying monkeys) but she also has the magic slippers (east witch).
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Good point Birdglen, I was also disappointed that Regina did not grab for her heart! That would just have been logical.
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Was it just me or were all of the Wicked Witch's threats made hollow by her carrying the dagger around? She keeps proclaiming how powerful she is--if that were true, why does she continue to threaten everyone with Rumple and his power? "I can do this. I will do that. Come any closer and I'll have Rumple kick you in the teeth!"

And stop with referring to everything as "wicked" it sounds incredibly dense not clever.
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I was thinking that too...but she appeared to use only her own magic in her duel with Regina, and she bested Regina in the magical combat portion (she only lost because Regina appears to be smarter overall), so she must be legitimate. I think her using the Dark One is more about punishing him for not choosing her by making him hurt people he knows than because she can't do it herself.

As for the "wicked" thing, I agree it's tired. She may be a more powerful sorceress than Regina, and I think she's got even more problems with managing her emotions than Regina does, but her younger sister is the undisputed queen of clever snark and cutting remarks. Sorry Zelena, you're completely outmatched there. (I'm sorry she wasn't there to hear Regina's line about her being Cora's lovechild with a scarecrow.)
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The advantages of a princess' education- Regina is wittier and subtler! Zelena was raised in a much different milieu, without the benefit of Cora's tutelage. The funny thing is that Regina would have traded her privilege in a heartbeat to be with Daniel!
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It's really interesting that Regina turned out to be the Tin Man. On the surface it's ironic because almost everybody else in Storybrooke would seem to be a more obvious candidate due to being vanilla good, but when I think about it more, it's very fitting because I think Regina feels more deeply than anyone else.

Regina going around without her heart is scary, though. I understand and agree with why she decided to take her heart out - of course, we're required to believe that she can't cast a protection spell on her own heart like she did on Henry's, but given OUaT's lack of attention to detail, I can actually live with that okay - but still, there should be ramifications,

And Zelena getting Regina's heart is even scarier, because that means she would have both Regina and Rumple forced to do her bidding. It was scary enough just with Rumple.

Since OUaT does love to do a "gamechanger" in terms of setting every half season, my guess is that we WILL get the time travel spell at the end of this season. And the first half of the next season will largely involve Regina/Charmings/etc. running around in the past in FTL, trying to keep Zelena from succeeding in her plan to keep Regina from being born. (I think there's one very certain consequence if Regina isn't born - Henry isn't born later.) One cool thing about that is that it should mean we see Rose McGowan's Young Cora again, and wasn't it hinted that there was more to the story of why Cora hated Snow's mother? And my very early prediction is that Robin ultimately sacrifices himself to assure Regina's birth, basically to underline to her that she really has become worthy of love and happiness.
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As long as Robin dies. Lol

I think your comment is a nice idea, although they'll have to be reeeally careful with the timeline. Clearly if they're sent back to when Snow is already on the run from Regina, it means that Regina is already the Evil Queen. But maybe they'll make her stop before she condemns an entire village to death so that'll make her a little less horrible in everyone's eyes. Also, could that mean that Graham will be back. Surely Jamie will be done with 50 shades before season 4 starts filming.
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How did the wizard of oz, aka an ordinary man from Kansas, get ahold of an incredibly powerful object such as the silver slippers, something Rumple wouldve sold his soul to use instead of a 28 year old curse!? There's gotta be something more to Walsh or thats just an incredibly convenient storyline.

Also, anyone else notice Regina as a girl looks just like Dorothy!?
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Grandson noticed the Dorothy thing as soon as they showed the flash backs.
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Hello Lily, well even though I take this show's script under serious considerations most of the time, your review did tickle my bone. Its funny really, some of the aspects you mentioned, and just totally loved the image when you said: "Zelena flew off at the moon and Emma ran up the stairs screaming to Regina, “ARE YOU ALRIGHT ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" but Charming got to Regina first and helped her up, whispering “Conceal don’t feel!”" Its a show we love, even with its flaws and the things that just keep on happening over and over again ;) :D Looking forward to more of your reviews :)

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I'm really starting to like the Wicked Witch.
I hope she turns good
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I just loved this episode and I just fell even more in love with Hook. I like zelena she brings a different kind of villain to the mix which is cool, and the showdown in Main Street was fantastic. So it looks like there starting to figure out what she's after maybe they should ask a child in the next town about the wizard of oz story and they'll figure out she needs a brain. Overall great episode full of great moments.
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agreed. overall great episode :) and despite the fact that another curse is on its way, i am still intrigued. Fantastic performances by our favorite cast :)
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just loved this epsiode. Don't want to spill a lot of words into it...but
The battle between Regina and Zelena was cool....
How she became wicked was fun to watch and why she is after Regina...just all because of some stupid curse..
The only thing that was a waste was the treat Emma made to Wicked...I am the savior..and there she went flying....hahahahahahaha not impressed.
Somebody should excendately shoot Henry off. what a annoying kid with all his questions...a bit trust please....
Did Belle seriously think she could help Rumpel...poor thing..
So Wicked wants the heart of Regina for another sort of Curse...AGAIN!!!!!! pfff...with all those curses we can continue with the series for ages...
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I think it's long overdue for Emma to learn to control her magic, it's just stupid not doing so.
About Belle, she should have tried to true love kiss Rumple to break the dark one curse...
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Indeed....well Emma is going to learn magic...finally!!
I am not sure if the true love kiss would have worked on Rumpel...but they could have tried at least....
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In the past it was working :(
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yeah that is true, but because we don't know wha Zelena exactly did and as she seems more powerful then Regina...no clue if the kiss would have worked..i mean Rumpel and Belle are not quite Snow Charming..hihihiihi
But it would have indeed be nice, if they had tried and it had worked...we still want to believe in true love kisses...i do...:):):)
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Also: Christopher Gorham was back in this episode! &3
I hope he comes again, lifts his flying monkey curse and turns back to his sexy-nerdy-human form !

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... Too many curses?
=& YES!

... Too many parental abandonments?
=& Also YES! Between this and their crazy notion that adoptive parents are worthless, the writers may have a deeper, more personal problem here...

... Should Belle change her Facebook status from “It’s Complicated” to “Single”?
=& NO! You're reading it wrong! He wanted her out because he didn't want to hurt her! Team Rumpbelle FTW!

... Do you think Hook has multiple Pirate Fancy Dress costumes, or just the one?
=& Sadly, I think it's just the one.

... If Henry doesn’t do something to save Regina, will part of you never be whole?
=& She's HIS MOTHER! He will eventually end up saving her. He just HAS to!

... Shouldn’t Emma and Regina basically just hold hands and beam Zelena outta there? Based on precedent, wouldn’t that solve everything?
=& Yep, but maybe (just maybe) the writers realized that this whole "Hey guys! Emma's got crazy powers too!" thing is just to far-fetched, the result of incredibly lazy writing, and a pathetic way to make us like Emma a bit more (when there's not much to like, actually) ?
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Regina gave her HEART to Robin Hood? REGINA MILLS / (ex) EVIL QUEEN gave HER HEART to ROBIN?!?!? REGINA WITH ALL THE TRUST ISSUES?!?!?! Wow, that takes the whole "soulmate" thing to another level... Talk about subtlety (she literally gave her heart to a thief, pick pocket, etc...) I'm pretty sure they are going to do something to Robin, like maybe he gives the heart to Zelena. (Does anybody think that he's stalking Regina? He's everywhere she goes...)
I miss the old Henry. He was really annoying but at least he was smart and he probably would have figured out Zelena is the Witch much earlier. (I'm ignoring the whole giving-my-heart-to-Peter Pan-to-save-magic thing. That NEVER happened according to my self-obliviated memories)

... Too many curses?
heh... In the world of OUAT, there is no such thing as too many curses. Do you think that it is in their contract or something, to make sure to include any sort of curse in EVERY SINGLE SEASON?

... Too many parental abandonments?
Once again, there is no such thing as too many parental abandonments in the world of OUAT. It is like a thing all fairy tale characters must have, you know? But honestly, don't they ever get tired of repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

... Should Belle change her Facebook status from “It’s Complicated” to “Single”?
Nope. It still is “It’s Complicated". Gold wanted her to get out probably because Zelena was there "enjoying the show" as she calls it. Aaand she has the dagger, so she can rule the world rule storybrooke kill any of them anytime so maybe, just maybe, he wanted Belle to get out before Zelena could command him to do anything bad. Or he's just not that into her... *smirk*

... Do you think Hook has multiple Pirate Fancy Dress costumes, or just the one?
His costume is really distracting, (me thinking about whether he does have any other clothes or is he obsessed with that leather coat) even Tinkerbell has new clothes. Doesn't Henry think of him as a weird guy at all? He's lost his memory so why doesn't he? Not a lot of people go around wearing that kind of thing nowadays.

... If Henry doesn’t do something to save Regina, will part of you never be whole?
Yes. He was such a big part of the series and now he's just sitting on the sidelines, fishing or whatever.

... Shouldn’t Emma and Regina basically just hold hands and beam Zelena outta there? Based on precedent, wouldn’t that solve everything?
Yes it would solve EVERYTHING but then what would happen to the rest of the episodes? They need to build up the drama (I laugh at that thing those writers call drama and suspense) and cast a curse magically solve everything at the end.
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Was watching the pilot (again), just realised that the flying monkeys and Alice and the Caterpiller were both in the storybook in the very first episode. So does this mean there was an epic amount of planning, or just coincidence?
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I think it all tied in together I've actually been hoping that Alice comes to storybrook, not Cyrus he's hot but someone needs to look after the kid and they could use Alice's fighting skills and knowledge of what zelenas up to since jafa changed the laws of magic and she stopped him.
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WHAT??? When did you see the flying monkeys and Alice and the Caterpillar??? I don't recall seeing them at all.
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They were pictures in the story book.
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i actually like where this is going i hope the curse happens
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I love Hook... and as much as I would be on board with Swan Queen I have to say I love Captain Swan...
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I never thought I'd see a character more in need of longterm anger management classes than Regina. How fitting that when she's finally one-upped in that department, it turns out to be by her older sister...
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Wow! Double Dare and The Charmings reference! Just brilliant Lily! Yes let's get Hook a nice sweater. Or maybe he can just borrow Charmings updated leather jacket that he wore to the funeral!
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Man. Why is your recap better than the episode?? This was hilarious. Keep them coming Lily.
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If ABC wanted to bring Wizard of Oz to Once Upon a Time, I can't help but think that they should have gone less Wicked and more Return to Oz.
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Too many curses?
The writing staff is possibly cursed in a Groundhog Day kind of way. Wait... have they borrowed that plot yet?
Too many parental abandonments?
How dare you say that? Only bad, mean people are abandoned!
Should Belle change her Facebook status from “It’s Complicated” to “Single”?
Yes. And then she'll meet a nice werewolf named Jacob and vampire named Edward.
Do you think Hook has multiple Pirate Fancy Dress costumes, or just the one?
I think Hook's closet is filled with things that haven't come out yet!
If Henry doesn’t do something to save Regina, will part of you never be whole?
Who's Henry?
Shouldn’t Emma and Regina basically just hold hands and beam Zelena outta there? Based on precedent, wouldn’t that solve everything?
As if a show with fairy princesses, evil queens, prince charmings by the boatload, Peter Pan and many acquaintances of Dorothy would ever do anything so gay! More than likely, Frodo Baggins will appear as the slightly memory damaged and confused long, lost nephew of a powerful wizard named Allen Ginsberg (if they get to use Neal Cassady, I get to use Ginsberg), and steal Gold's dagger of the mind. But before he can destroy it, he will be overtaken by the lure of it's power. At this point Darth Vader will appear and declare, "Frodo, I am your father!" (Staying with the parental abandonment theme.) He cuts off Frodo's hand, beams it up to the Starship Enterprise where Captain Lady and the Tramp declare that everyone will live happily ever after.

Makes as much sense as the real show!
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Seriously, Hook, go with the sweater, at this point it's more than just friendly advice. I remember that quip you made at the beginning of the season about Rumpelstiltskin's taking the time for a costume change during dire circumstances, and maybe *maybe* you had a point, but seriously, you've had weeks... months... over a freaking year, CHANGE!
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A nice v neck with a leather jacket and jeans would be lovely.

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I know, right! He can keep his black, boots, and leathers, but in a modern way. He can be a third Salvatore Brother or something, hah. And he can keep all his jewelry and accessories. . . I really like Hook, but his costume/pirateness is getting a littttle bit laughable, considering the town is supposed to be on their best 'normal' behavior for Henry.
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He'd make a great 3rd Salvatore brother
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I just died from the awesomeness of the idea :Q____
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These writers need to be sent a Khamer Rouge Summer Camp in Cambodia..

I'm serious that would really help out this creative teams problems...
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It is really starting to bug me that Hook is stuck in leather. Anything different would be an improvement. Maybe after the first love scene with Emma (in which she has to scrape off his clothes), she'll introduce him to the world of plaid pants.
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will have to gauge my eyes out when that love scene happens. Ew. Colin is my type of guy (with or without eye-liner haha) but Hook just looks so gross that if I were Emma I wouldn't touch him with a stick.
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Loved your review, as usual! But the fact that I am not the least bit interested in most of the main characters and repetitive plots, indicate that I am probably not long for this show. I mean, only a high schooler, check that, middle schooler would buy the Regina/Robin thing because of a tattoo that a fairy led her too. Zelena is green because she's jealous? Really? I was insulted by The Wizard being Walsh. The Emerald City looked better in 1939, IMO. Supposed to interest me? Just plain stupid. Really bad writing on this show. Boring.
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I can't believe you didn't mention Snows "are you sure Cora didn't booby trap her stuff Regina. I don't think a sleeping curse would be good for the baby." I totally LOL when she said that.
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The kind of casual way she said it killed me. Ha!!

Even funnier, it's not like Regina insisted, or even asked, that Snow come with her to the vault. Granted, we didn't see how Emma and Snow chilling in the vault with Regina came to be, but given the way Regina stormed out of Granny's, I'm quite sure she didn't return to ask anyone to come with her. I assume Emma and Snow chased her.
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I hope Walsh doesn't come back with this sad sap story about how he met Emma cause the Wicked Witch told him to keep her in New York then he really did fall in love with her but he has to obey her because he's a flying monkey now etc etc bullshit. Ugh. I'll take Neil back if we're stuck with Walsh. I'm also biased because I do not like Christoper Gorham.

I hope that Henry saves them all in the end. I actually miss the old Henry new Henry is boring.
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I'm still not over the fact that Henry's voice is changing so much!
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Did they say what happened to Zelena's adoptive mother? She really wanted the baby. What did I miss? Zelena's upbringing couldn't have been that terrible if one parent loved her and she got to grow up near the Emerald City!
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I want to know who's her biological father!
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All we learned was that she died.
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Referencing one of Lily's earlier replies, I agree that Parrilla may be in danger of developing a hernia from repeated heavy lifting - although I think that the Aussie race horse, Phar Lap, died from arsenic poison rather than being over-weighted, possibly administered by a gangster from the good ol' US of A who didn't want to see his own racehorse beaten. Perhaps a commentator from Oz (the Aussie Oz) could clarify? (Although I suppose that, unless the race horses were actually siblings who were competing with one another because they had both been abandoned by their sires and dams, the matter is largely tangential to this discussion :-))

To remain tangential - and actually a little tacky - is it true that one of the Lost Boys is Parrilla's stepson? (Now don't come after me like a pod of angry Krakens - I think that she is a great actress, too - and I know that nepotism is alive and well.) But I guess I would root more for his career as an actor if he had landed a job on any other show. Finally, to get on point, this episode mainly bored me. I think that I am just developing some OUAT fatigue - so many jumbled things are thrown up in the air, and then left to clatter back to earth in seemingly random fashion - that I doubt that I will have a strong reaction to anything that may happen next. When I compare this to the genuine shock that I felt when Will recently bit the dust on The Good Wife, or how delicious it was when Matthew and Mary finally married on Downton Abbey, that concerns me for this show.

In fact, I find myself wondering if one reason that the 'ships' get so much focus on Once is simply because we want to remain emotionally connected to the show, but the writers offer us so little to genuinely care about - so we fill in the emotional investment ourselves??? Dunno...
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Yes, Jack Di Blasio is Lana's stepson but since he's only doing some background job and actually spoke one line while in Neverland, I don't think she's trying too hard to promote him. Jack is more into music apparently. He has a band called 45 Spacer with his little brother, and they actually wrote a song for the Evil Queen/Snow White (or a SwanQueen song because the lyrics can also apply) entitled "Last Thing You'll Do". You can actually hear Lana's famous "I shall destroy your happiness, if it is the last thing I do". Check it out!
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"Just knock off the silverfish before you put it back in." Literally my favorite thing.
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