Leslie: (after everybody realizes that Leslie is really sick) I'm not sick, I just have allergies, OK? I took a Claritin, and i threw that up, so I took another one, I threw that up, and then I took a third and it stayed down. I'm getting better.
Leslie: Ben Wyatt! Hello.
Ben: Hi, Leslie.
Leslie: (shaking his hand) Good to see you.
Ben : Wow, you're really burning up.
Leslie: Can I get some money for the cab that I took over here please?
Ben: Sure, how much?
Leslie: I'm not sure. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphs on it. Do you know the exchange rate?
Ron: I like Andy. I am surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.
Chris: My body is finely tuned like a microchip and the flu is like a grain of salt, it could literally shut down the entire system.
Ann: My body is like a chip, too. A potato chip.
Andy: After Ron gives him April's job Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Because, honestly, that's kind of a deal breaker.
Ben: That was amazing. That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA Finals. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. That was... that was Leslie Knope.
Ben: I got you some waffles here courtesy of J.J.'s Diner. And chicken soup courtesy of me.
Leslie: I'll take the waffles.
Ron: I need to find someone to fill in for April. Now, I know I'm not going to find someone who's both aggressively mean and apathetic. April is really the whole package.
Ron: The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Andy: Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the computer, and it says you might have 'network connectivity problems.'
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