Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 24

Andy: (about his fractured arm) Uh, is there any chance you can fix me in the next ten minutes?
Dr. Harris: Sure. I'll just advance medical science 30 years.
Andy: Great.

Andy: I don't even have children's songs. My last song I wrote was called "Sex Hair."
Leslie: Well, just take the word sex and change it to pickle.
Andy: (singing) You've got Pickle hair, baby and you got it from me.

Ron: (to Ben) Because of my libertarian beliefs, Leslie does 95% of the work. So you should lay me off. I'd be proud to be a casualty in this righteous war.

Andy: Give me a sec. Will you just stop and listen to me?
April: No.
Andy: Fine, I don't want to talk to you anyways. Reverse psychiatry.
April: Fine. What?
Andy: I like you. In a, you know, romantical kind of way.
April: You do?
Andy: Yes! Do you...like me?
April: Yes.
Andy: Ha! So then...perhaps shall we go out this evening?
April: No.

Chris: I know what'll loosen up our brains. A massage train. And I know what you're thinking. It's not that I want a massage. I'll be the caboose. And Ron Swanson is the locomotive.

Tom: (whispering) What are you doing here?
Leslie: Hey, sorry. I need your help. Is this a bad time?
Tom: Lucy's here, I'm in my sexy pajamas, I just took four benadryls to dull my sensitivity. Yes! It is a bad time.
Leslie: You're about to have sex.
Tom: Why else would Boyz II Men's "On Bended Knee" be playing right now?
Leslie: Okay, I just want to give you a little advice, which is don't make it last really long. Ladies don't like that.

Leslie: How could you quit?
Mark You know, not everyone has your enthusiasm for this work.
Leslie: You know, I guess I've been mispronouncing your name all these years. Mark Brendana-quits.

Ann: Traditionally, when I end a long-term relationship, I'm a little fragile. And I have a tendency to do some reckless things. So I need to stay way from Chris.

Ben: Your department, all the way down here, is not a priority. And, frankly, you're not even supposed to be in the building, Leslie. You're non-essential.
Leslie: That is not your call.
Ben: I know. It's on your badge.

Ben: (About Leslie) What a surprise. The government has been shut down for two days. And one city employee has tried to schedule 14 meetings with me. Can you guess who?

Andy: Ron!
Ron: Hello, Andy.
Andy: It's quiet in here. Where is everyone?
Ron: The government has shut down. It's in every newspaper
How long is it gonna last?
Ron: Well, if we're lucky, this building will be empty for months
Andy: (outside) Wow. That is really bad timing. I just got his super-sweet-ass rad crotch rocket. I've always wanted one of these! But due to, you know, never having a job, I couldn't afford it until now. Got a really good deal on my lease. Paying like 12% interest. That's like one of the highest you can get.

Deb: School is out in two weeks. What am I going to do with my kids all day? Keep them in my house? Where I live?

Chris: I have run 10 miles a day, every day, for 18 years. That's 65 thousand miles. A third of the way to the moon. My goal is to run to the moon.

Chris: Ann Perkins!
Ann: Chris...something.

Ben: Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.

Guy: With the government shut down, who's going to stop Al Qaeda?

Tom: Ron Corleone! This really attractive woman is my girlfriend, Lucy.
Ron: Hello Lucy.
Lucy: Hi. (shakes Ron's hand)
Ron: Whoa! Impressive handshake.
Lucy: Thanks. My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Ron: Well done, Tommy.

Ron: There are plenty of other options. For example, sell the zoo animals.
Ben: Okay. To whom?
Ron: Cosmetics labs... weird restaurants... I'm just spit-ballin' here.

Andy: I called you a cajillion times. Why didn't you call me back?
April: Oh, I'm so sorry. I was too busy not wanting to talk to you.

Ron: I am an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.