Parks and Recreation Season 5 Episode 1

Ann: After the first day, we realized we'd made a huge mistake.
Tom: HUGE!
Ann: However, everyone was being so smug about it saying there was no way we would last, so we're pretending to still be together. That way no one gets the satisfaction of being right. Even though they are, but still.

Tom: Ann, I'm hungry, my legs are tired. Ugh! It feels like I just exercised.
Jerry: Just sit on the ground
Tom: No Jerry! It's dirty and I'm wearing my summer linens.

Ranger Patrick: Hey Ron, you're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron: Not to worry, I have a permit. (hands ranger a folded piece of paper)
Ranger Patrick: This just says "I can do what I want."
Ron: I am the director of the parks department and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a parks thing. It's against like 3 laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron: Fine. (snatches back "permit")

Ron: Which one of you youngsters wants to help me drain the blood from this animal? You do a good job and I'll give you the bladder, you can blow it up for a fun play ball.

Ron: Everyone, meet your meat
Everyone: No! Unuh, Ron!
Tom: Why are you doin' this to us?
Ron: Well, in my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. This is your dinner, his name is Tom.

Leslie: Romantic reunions, government meetings, self guided museum tours! I mean, am I living the dream? I don't know. Did I also just walk past a food truck and buy myself a waffle sunday? YES!