Tammy One: (to Ron) I knew you the minute you were born and I intend to be there the minute you die.
April: (About Tammy One) She's the cold distant mother I never had...I love her.
Chris: (to Ann) I would like you to write me a script and get it to me in a hour. And we should start thinking about wardrobe? Casual? Formal? Semi-formal? Sporty? Scary? Posh? Baby? Those are the Spice Girls. I just got caught up in my own thoughts. I'm very excited about this.
Tammy: (Tammy Two on Tammy One) Listen. Tammy One was my Sunday school teacher, too. She can pinpoint your weaknesses and then destroy you with just one word. And a jar of acid.
Jean-Ralphio: Ben is that your real name? Oh, you could do better than that. I'm going to help you out right now. Your name is Angelo. Angelo, thank you so much for coming out, get a thicker tie, it looks weird on you, it makes your head look like a fish. Secondly, I don't know where the paperwork is but when you find it, can you take care of it for us? We don't have any pens because we're afraid it's gonna leak on our shirts. Lastly I hate the name Angelo, I'm gonna switch it up for you right now. Your new nickname is...Jell-O Shot. What do you think about that, J Shot?
Ron: First of all, income tax is illegal!
Ron: (On Tammy One) She's no hero, April. She's a hellacious nightmare. She did however teach me everything I know. Sunday school. Sex. She was my math teacher in middle school and my babysitter and she taught driver's ed
Ron: My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. My mom's name is Tamara. She goes by Tammy
Ron: It's Swanson family mash liquor, made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. Its only legal use is to strip varnish off of speedboats.
Ron: Why do I only date brunettes? You know sometimes you eat chicken and you get food poisoning and then even the sight of chicken makes you sick? Tammy One is my blond chicken.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: September 29, 2011 on Citytv
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