Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 22

Ron: I suffer from a disorder called "Sleep Fighting."
Leslie: Who, that must be terrible.
Ron: Only when I'm losing.

Leslie: Donna, someone good?
Donna: No, I'm taking to my brother George.
Leslie: You're not supposed to receive personal calls.
Donna: Oh, I called him. He's in Liberia visiting my uncle. Wants to know what happened on Lost.

Leslie: There are two types of diabetes, but only one type of caring. Type 1 Caring. And tonight, god willing, we will all be stricken with that.

Leslie: My Nana, she used to say the best stuff. "Don't work yourself into a lather." "Look where it is and you'll find it." "Don't put me in a home." "Tell the truth and shame the devil." "The Devil knows where you're hiding." "If you take enough rides with the devil, pretty soon he's gonna drive." She was really into the Devil.

Leslie: So, Tom, you're in for tonight, right?
Tom: I forgot to tell you I can't make it to the telethon tonight because I have no interest in being there.

(Singing with his band, Mouse Rat)
Andy: You got Sex Hair, you gotta it from me, yeah, you got Sex Hair.

Jerry: Leslie, please. Tonight's kind of a big night. All my kids are awaaaaaayy...
Tom: GROSS! NO! It's Jerry's sex night! That ruins sex AND tonight!

Ron: Look, I love a good dog as much as the next guy, but this building doesn't allow animals. Andy, take him outside.
Andy: What, and shoot him?!!
Ron: No. Just keep him outside.
Tom: (in a cutesy, southern voice and holding the puppy to Ron's face) Awww, c'mon Ron. I'm just a little puppy. I ain't done nothin' wrong. I'm just a puppy. I like your moustache. (The puppy begin to lick Ron's moustache) I wish I could have one, but I can't, cuz I'm just a little puppy.
Ron: Okay, take him out and shoot him.

Ann: (as Leslie lies unconscious on Ann's couch) I love her so much, but I think I'm going to draw a moustache on her face.