Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 23

Andy: (singing) November, your bangs are cute. November, your voice is a flute. November. Let's pretend the sky is for us. Let's spread our wings and fly on a date. I wanna go on a date with you, November. (stops singing). That song is about April.

Ann: You have my phone number?
Chris: No, you couldn't remember your phone. But you gave me your phone.

Ann: Hey, Ron, did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman, no.

Ben: When I was 18, I ran for mayor of my small town and won. Little bit of anti-establishment voter rebellion, I guess. Here's the thing, thought, about 18-year-olds. They're idiots. So I pretty much ran the place into the ground after two months and got impeached. Worst part was, my parents grounded me.

Leslie: You may hold my fate in your hands like a small bird, but I still think you're an ass.
Ben: You wanna get a beer?
Leslie: It's, like, 10:30 in the morning.
Ben: Yeah. You seem like you could use a beer. Let's get a beer.

Leslie: Hello, Ben.
Ben: Um, look, uh, I kind of feel like we got off on the wrong foot. So I just wanted to stop by and-
Leslie: Yeah, well, save your breath, okay? Just get out of here. Because this is a party with my friends and you're trying to fire all my friends
Ben: I-
Leslie: Plus I just talked to everybody in this bar and nobody wants you here
Ben: Um, okay, then I'll-I'll just see you tomorrow
Leslie: Mm-hmm
Ben: Sorry to bother you.
Leslie: Get out of here
Anne: Leslie, that was so professional. I'm so proud of you.

Andy: (about April) I thought she liked me. I guess I'm super bad at picking up signals. But that Ralph Macchio guy's a total douche.

John: One time, I waited outside a woman's house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.

Ann: I loved Andy. Loved him. Loved him. He was a totally helpless baby when we met. I dated him from three years. Now he's an adult with a job. And some other girl is gonna reap the rewards of my hard work? That's Bull [bleep].

Donna: Go your birthday shot.
April: Oh, thanks. But now that it's legal, I've kind of lost interest.
Donna: Suit yourself (downs the shots).

Ron: (about Ben) What's a not-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?

Ben: Do you have a second?
Leslie: I really like your shirt
Ben: So I'd like to talk about where you think there's waste within your department
(Leslie and Ron scoff)
Leslie: There is none
Ron: Where do I start? What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it, and can I watch you doing it while eating pork cracklins?
Ben: Okay, let's start with personnel. What can you tell me about Jerry Gergich?
Leslie: He is one of the best people on the planet. He's universally adored here. If you fired him, there would be a revolt.
Ben: Okay, you need to understand that just to keep this town afloat, we probably have to cut the budget of every department by 40% or 50%, okay?
Leslie: Well, but Chris said that you just had to, you know, tinker with things.
Ben: Yeah, he said that because that sounds a lot better than, "We're going to gut it with a machete"
Ron: Okay? (laughing)
Leslie: You're a jerk.
Ben: I'm sorry?
Ron: Easy.
Leslie: I'm sorry, these are real people in a real town working in a real building with real feelings.
Ben: This building has feelings?
Leslie: Maybe. There's a lot of history in this one, maybe it does. How can you be so blasé about it?
Ben: Because I didn't cause these problems, Miss. Knope. Your government did.

Leslie: Chris is the most positive State Budget auditing consultant I've ever met. I mean, I made eye contact with him, and it was like…staring into the sun.

Ron: Leslie. What do we do when we get this angry?
LeslieWe count backwards from 1,000 by sevens and we think of warm brownies.
Ron: Go do that in your office.
LeslieGo do it in your office.
Ron: And we'll we wait for these guys to show up.
LeslieI'll wait for you to show up.

Leslie: The yearly budget and planning proposal for a city is called the Master Plan, Mwah-Ha-Ha-Ha-ee-Ah-Ah-ah-ah (coughing) kind of sounded like a chimp there at the end.

April: Yes, I am 21 years old today. Which is the age that pretty much everyone agrees makes you an adult.

Tom: (about April's party) Yes, I am a good friend for throwing the party. I'm also a genius because I'm using the occasion to stock the club with every available hottie I know. Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night, I will have between one and four new girlfriends.

Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your final warning. Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. 9 p.m. at the world famous Snakehole Lounge. The place the Pawnee general has called the sexiest, most dangerous club in town.
Leslie: That's not what they wrote.
Tom: Fine, I added the word "sexiest," but we've hired better security.

Chris: Our investigation has revealed that things in Pawnee are much worse than we had anticipated.
Ron: Meaning what?
Ben: Well, effective tomorrow morning, the entire government will be shut down until further notice.
Leslie: I'm sorry -- I just started hearing really loud circus music in my head. What did you say?

Ben: How's your head?
Leslie: Mushy.

Andy: (after consulting Tom about whether or not April was too young for him to date) Tom says it's okay! (thinks for a moment) That probably means it isn't okay.