The ingredients on the back of the cosmetics box shown in this episode, in order: Water, denatured alcohol, glycerin, cyclopentasiloxane, capric triglyceride, silica, butylene glycol, orange fruit extract, tocopheryl acetate, vaccinium myrtillus extract, licorice extract, hydrogenated polyisobutene, padina pavonica extract, sodium hyaluronate, phenoxyethanol, stearic acid, PEG-100 sterate, sugar cane extract, sugar maple extract, triclosan, triethanolamine, wild yam root extract, polysorbate 80, yellow 6, yellow 5, ammonium polyacryloyldimethyl taurate, lemon extract, xanthan gum, ginkgo biloba leaf extract, isohexadecane, propylparaben, parrafin, acrylamide/sodium acryloyldimethyllaurate copolymer, disodium EDTA, rose centifolia flower extract, cetyl alcohol, methylparaben, hexyldecanol, glyceryl stearate, soybean protein, and fragrance.
Dr. Garfinkel: The person who says to themselves "I hate myself and my life, and when I have this plastic surgery, that's all gonna change", THAT person, has a problem.
Dr. Schneider: Nature makes a lot of things that are, frankly, very dangerous. Nature makes arsenic, nature makes lead. Nature makes lots of materials that are dangerous, toxic, and can kill you! Just because nature makes something doesn't mean you should take it!
Dr. Kennedy: Okay, so if some scientist say "maybe growth hormone is dangerous to human health", then they have some explaining to do. What's nature doing making it in the first place?
Dr. Schneider: That is absolute nonsense! I cannot believe he would say such a stupid thing.
Dr. Olshansky: You probably will experience an improvement in your mental acuity, in your skin elasticity, perhaps even in your sexual function as a result of the use of growth hormone.
Penn: HOLD ON! Name of the show is "Bullsh**!"....where's the bullsh**?
Dr. Olshansky: Reintroducing growth hormone into older individuals might actually shorten their lives.
Penn: Well if that's true, that's a bingo.
Penn: [on Cindy Jackson] There are a lot of ways you can go with this body modification stuff. Cindy wants to look like...Barbie. Most people think that's a little odd, but, it's just fine, it's her f*cking money, and it's her body. Now, our good friend, Enigma [Teller pulls him out from behind Penn], decided he wanted to look...as little like Barbie as possible. It was a little less painful and less expensive than Cindy's, but it's the same idea. Enigma's makeup is tattooed on, just like Cindy's. His horns are silicone...just like Cindy's. Most people are cool with ear piercings and tattoos. It's your money and your body. Decide how you want to look.
Begoun: What a lot of people don't know, is that Estee Lauder owns Clinique. Estee Lauder's products having a lot of the same ingredients, DEFINITELY making the same claims, are anywhere between two, three, four, and five times more expensive than Clinique's products.
Penn: You're also paying for a name. We can't complain too much...I mean, you aren't watching Paul and Teddy's Bullsh**!
Penn: [on cosmetics counter sales pitches] We had to hear some of this cr*p for ourselves. So we threw on dresses, loaded up our bullsh**-detecting purse-cam, and hit the mall. We didn't even need the purse. Picture us in drag. Who would notice a camera?
Plastic Surgery Patient: Now what is the name of the program where this is gonna be aired?
Penn: Oops....[show cuts to another expert]
Dr. Rahimi: When she animates her face, she won't even be able to frown.
[Dr. Rahimi is trying to calm a patient he's injecting collagen into]
Dr. Rahimi: Turn your head towards me...imagine you're at the beach. I know it's hard. Just take a long walk at the beach, and look into the ocean and you see the beautiful sailboats in the distance...
Penn: See that third boat on the right? Yeah yeah...that's HIS beautiful sailboat. You paid for it.
Penn: With the latest advances, turning back the clock is not much more fuss than a run to Jiffy Lube.
Plastic Surgery Patient: Look at that, go out to get a cup of coffee, come back with no wrinkles and big lips. What more could a gal want?
Penn: According to Dr. Kennedy, his art-filled office is at the forefront of extending human life.
Dr. Kennedy: As you can see I'm an amateur artist, uh, emphasize that word, amateur.
Penn: He did that joke so we don't have to. Know thyself.
Dr Rohrich: We don't want to transform you into another individual or another being. So, I just have a frank discussion with them about that, if they're my patient, because I won't do that surgery.
Penn: That's rough, that leaves only about 68,400 of your colleagues who will.
Penn: If you want to change your body or make yourself appear younger, there are some ways to do it. Be careful...most of the ways are still bullsh**, so watch who you ask to help. We even found an expert who suggested some things that any man can EASILY do to live longer.
Dr. Kennedy: There are two things a man can do to extend his life. First is castration…
Penn: Time to go! (End of episode)
Penn: [on Human Growth Hormone] It may or may not work as an anti-aging agent; it's still being tested. So, in the words of every single extreme sports fanatic: It looks good, you go first!