Penn & Teller: Bullshit!

Season 2 Episode 1


Aired Monday 10:00 PM Apr 01, 2004 on Showtime



  • Trivia

    • First use of the motorized lazy susan and connected chairs. Penn and Teller would sit in these many times over the rest of the series.

    • The short list of procedures, cures, and vaccines obtained through animal research from the episode: VACCINES- Anthrax, chicken pox, cholera, diphtheria, flu, influenza B, hepatitis A and B, measles, mumps, polio, rabies, rubella, smallpox, tetanus, whooping cough, yellow fever; MEDICATIONS- Insulin, penicillin, streptomycin, anti-inflammatory drugs, painkillers, anticoagulants, chemotherapy, cyclosporine; DEVICES- Pacemakers, artificial heart, artificial hip, artificial knee; PROCEDURES- Angioplasty, organ transplantation, heart transplantation, kidney transplantation, liver transplantation, corneal transplantation.

    • Not only is a picture of Mary Beth Sweetland in Teller's dictionary under hypocrite, the definition of hypocrite above it actually has "Mary Beth Sweetland" as the first meaning of the word.

  • Quotes

    • Penn: You want passion and truth? Okay. Teller and I would personally kill EVERY chimp in the world, with our bare hands, to save ONE street junkie...with AIDS.

    • Penn: Let's be clear. PETA boss and guru Ingrid Newkirk is having animals put to death. PETA kills animals while attacking people who kill animals. Teller, get the dictionary, is there an entry for F**KING BIG A** hypocrite?

    • Yourofsky: First of all, we have to understand that animal research is unscientific. And animal-derived data can never be made relevant to another species.
      Guidotti: Without animal research, we have no biomedical science. Not only do we have no biomedical science, we have no public health.

    • Penn: [on PETA's relationship with Rodney Coronado] In fact, Ingrid has publicly called Rodney Coronado a, quote, "fine, young man". If you can be a convicted arsonist who has set at least 7 fires, and still be a "fine, young man", what the F**K does it take to be a monster??

    • Nugent: We've got reports and files with law enforcement across America where the animal rights extremists are on record threatening to kill my children on the way to school...because we eat pheasant.

    • Vlasack: This is a fight for liberation no different than the fight for the liberation of slaves or women or any other oppressed group in the past. We have to equate our movement with those movements.
      Prager: The foolishness of that comment is so deep, I can only ascribe it to higher education. You HAVE TO have gone to college to say something that stupid.

    • Penn: Teller and I wanted to see if we could kill, clean, cook, and eat our own chicken. We wanted to tape it to show you all the clucking, suffering, feathers, and blood that go into a chicken dinner. Turns out The Humane Association doesn't want anyone killing a chicken for entertainment. Why would the chicken care if it died in our bullsh** show or in some processing plant? There stance is good news for us, because I'm pretty sure we couldn't even catch a chicken. [stands next to a screen showing workers doing it at a processing plant] But we CAN show someone else doing it. We can only be cruel by proxy...that seems really bullsh**ty. Processing animals for food is not a pretty sight. But, isn't that an aesthetic point and not a moral one? If you're eating meat, you're part of this. WE'RE part of this! If you can't stand the meat, get out of the kitchen. Just...don't blow the kitchen up because you don't like my lunch.

    • Strand: People in my community don't think that PETA means People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They use the acronym to mean People for Extortion, Terror, and Abuse.

    • David: [on why they can't release the animals into the streets] Should we turn them all out into the street, including the aggressive ones? What do we do with them then? Then, do they go bite everyone and then it's our fault again? We are the repository of society's ills! We are the repository of society's apathy!

    • Penn: Who wouldn't want to treat animals ethically, anyway? I mean, nobody gets off slapping their monkey, or choking their chicken, or roughing up their clam! [he and Teller lose their train of thought as he realizes what he just said]

    • Penn: We call our show "bullsh**". So you know what you're getting. But what do you get with a group that puts "ethical" right in its name? Ethical means "moral or proper", which differs for every person. It's something that you discuss, its not an absolute! It just sounds nice! It's like Pro-choice and pro-life. I mean come on, everyone is pro-choice AND pro-life! It's for or against abortion that your group is about.

    • Penn: [over credits] No animals were harmed in the making of this episode of Bullsh**. Well except the f**king chickens oh and the ribs, that's a cow. And our sexy leather boy outfits and the fur coats and oh, you know, a lot of the food is catered and they serve some meats and there's probably a couple of diabetics in the crew. They need insulin. Almost forgot, Teller's a**, and I guess the building we tape in has some animal products cause they're commonly used in brick, plaster, cement, and insulation. Some of the furniture was probably made using animal-based glue, and there's a lot of animal stuff used in musical instruments so maybe the theme song injured some animals. Oh, and the video tape contains mylar that's made from animal byproducts...BUT OTHER THAN THAT THOUGH!

    • Dr. Jerry Vlasack: We are basically high-profile, law-abiding citizens who speak out on programs like this and others to let people know what's going on.
      Penn: Shows like this? What shows like this? Is HBO running a show called horsesh** or crock of sh**? What other sh** shows are there out there? We rule sh**!

    • Penn: Even if we gave animals rights they'd end up in animal prison right away for assaulting and killing people or each other, not paying taxes and for f**king and s**ting all over the s**tty f**king place!

    • Penn: The PETA you don't know would outlaw fishing, circuses, dog shows, horseback riding and zoos. They even oppose the use of service animals like guide dogs for the blind. [sarcastically] F*cking blind b*st*rds torturing those dogs! In a PETA world, there's no Kentucky Fried Chicken or Kentucky Derby. See ya Shamu! And forget about smearing honey all over your f*ckbuddy, because even bees are persecuted by "the man". And pets are FORBIDDEN in PETA's world too. That's right! No pets. Hey, all you pet lovers who donate to PETA! Feel like a sucker yet?

    • Nugent: It's hysterical that the argument is given so much credence in this day and age.
      Penn: Yep! Rock star and avid outdoors man Ted f*cking Nugent. All we had to do to get him going was mention PETA.
      [Ted finishes cutting off a cows leg and holds it up]
      Nugent: Food baby!

    • Penn: In any conflict the crazier party generally wins which is why PETA is doing so well.

    • (Penn and Teller stand next to a live bull)
      Penn: These are folks who don't want animals killed, hurt, exploited or embarrassed. Okay we're gonna try it their way. We aren't gonna tease or abuse the bull. He doesn't have a cute name like Elsie or Moo Moo or Heffer Lips. His name is Dave. Nothing funny about that. We wouldn't do anything to this bull...[picks up branding iron while Teller drops his pants] that we wouldn't do to each other...except, call him Dave.
      Teller: [offscreen, gets branded by Penn] MOTHER F*CKER OWWWW!
      Penn: Hey, cool Dave! He can talk! [laughs]

    • Newkirk: The animals are today's slaves.
      Penn: SLAVES??? She said animals are today's slaves? You can throw around the word "ethical" but, slaves? There are still millions of humans in slavery around the world. How many people watching this show have slavery in their own families histories? We sure have it in our national history. Do you really want to equate that worldwide shame to chickens?

    • Dr. Jerry Vlasack: I think that violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they are tactics.
      Penn: WHAT????

  • Notes

    • When Teller is eating the fried chicken, one of the live chickens can be seen pecking at and eating some of the fried chicken.

  • Allusions