New recycling rules used in the recycling stunt:
Beige- colored paper
White- labeled metal cans
Purple- plastics that have come in contact with food
Yellow- wet food items
Brown- lightly soiled toilet paper
Red- biohazardous items
Benjamin: Once you build a landfill, after you fill it in, you put a layer of dirt on top, you plant some stuff on it, and you turn it into a park or a golf course.
Penn: [as footage of a landfill park plays] IT'S NICER THAN MY YARD!
Porter: Well, some people have criticized me and others of saying there was a crisis back in the late eighties as far as landfill space. I don't think I said that. I think I expressed concern.
Penn: Mr. Porter? Concern is when you raise an eyebrow and say "Is this gonna be a problem?" and start doing your homework to see if it is. YOU put out a F*CKING paper with the seal of the federal government on it where you said: "We're running out of places to dispose our trash", and "1/3 of the nation's landfills will be full within the next few years", and "If we wait, the problem will get worse". WE thought there was a landfill problem because YOU, the g*dd*mn, lazy, loser government expert, SAID there was a problem. And you arranged to spend EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS PER YEAR of OUR money solving it. I know. It's our fault. We should never ask anyone in government to assess a situation. THANK YOU for the annual EIGHT BILLION DOLLAR reminder. J. Winston Porter, you could not have been more wrong if your name were W. WRONGY WRONGENSTEIN! So thank you very much for starting an entirely USELESS ecological movement. SH*T!
Penn: [while a photo of Porter shaking hands with Ronald Reagan is on screen] Just look at him...smiling..shaking hands with that moron...you've almost gotta feel bad for Reagan.
Penn: [on J. Winston Porter's "Agenda for Action"] That guy??? That's the guy? The guy who pretty much started the recycling movement? Hold on, J. Winston Porter is the name of our pain??? The name for all this wasted money and effort? J. WINSTON PORTER????? That's not the name of a villain, that's the name of an accountant in Connecticut! F*CK!
Benjamin: To argue that one of the benefits of recycling is that it puts people on what are fundamentally make-work jobs doesn't make any more sense than to put these people to work trimming my yard with toenail clippers!
Penn: Except, at least his yard being trimmed with toenail clippers would be funny.
Seldman: Every time you recycle more, you're avoiding extracting trees from endangered and virgin forests.
Penn: They love that word. "Endangered". They say it as much as we say "bullsh**". They also love to say "virgin"....and WHO DOESN'T?
Penn: [on the Recycling stunt] What evil have we brought upon the earth? Our stupid little hidden camera gag worked too well. We've given the real recycling bureaucrats another data point on how much BULLSH** we'll put up with. [sighs] Back to the show.
Wood: If recycling is such a failure, why is it that we have between nine and ten thousand community recycling programs around the country? Why is it that it's a multi-billion dollar industry?
Penn: Because people like YOU, who make their living off it, continue to perpetuate bullsh**. And STILL people trust you. THEY think you did your homework!
Penn: Quote. "Recycling may be the most wasteful activity in modern America. A waste of time and money, a waste of human and natural resources." I know what you're thinking...that quote is from some evil, right-wing, empire-capitalist, f*ck-the-earth publication...yep. A New York f*cking Times.
Penn: So, so far, we're feeling good for no reason, and that's fine too! But if you wanna feel good...while being stupid and wasting your time...maybe heroin is for you.
Penn: [on the Recycling test subjects] JESUS CHRIST, really! These are good people! Give these folks a medal! "Citizens of the f*cking decade" or something!
Penn: [on the lightly soiled toilet paper bin] Yep. Lightly soiled toilet paper. When closing the deal ALWAYS mention the Japanese. Works every time.
Bureaucrat: But it was...in Japan, I'll tell ya.
Homeowner: Well Japan, I can understand.
Penn: [standing with Teller by a "crying" statue of a Native American] Don't cry Indian guy! When it comes to recycling, it's just another one of our palefaced lies! And what's the deal with using a Native American like he's WOODSY THE F*CKING OWL! If baseball teams are a**holes for using Native Americans on their caps, how come environmentalists get away with making Mr. Iron Eyes Cody their token mascot? Now, if the NASDAQ drops below 2000 again, will our government find a Jewish actor to CRY while telling us to save money?
Enclade: I also will buy recycled toilet paper. 'Cuz this is paper "preferred by trees". So, I like that too.
Penn: Well, don't be silly! Most trees don't even have a**es!