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And so we come to another week of Death joining us together, with "What Death Can Join Together." Or at least joining together the League of Fearless Vampire Killers and their assorted hanger-ons and associates.

Death is pretty much everywhere this week, as Billie Piper gets to stay in bed and Brona gasps out her last few days of life in a bloody bed. Ethan seems strangely unconcerned that he's going to catch anything from her, which is all the hints we get this week that he's a werewolf or some such. There's also no mention of him and Dorian bedding each other two episodes ago.



I'm not quite dead yet.

That leads eventually to Ethan joining Malcolm and Sembene on a vampire hunt. This time they're checking out a plague ship thanks to a vague vision from Vanessa about people dying on a ship. The ship is filled with blonde female vampires who all dress at the same Hot Topic, and (presumably) the Master hanging out below decks. It's not quite clear why he has a ship full of blonde vamps just sitting in port doing nothing (Gotta catch 'em all?), but we do get a thrilling fight sequence as vampires leap on one of our three heroes, they shoot or stab them, they fall off, repeat and rinse.

I say "presumably" because Robert Nairne is credited as playing "Vampire." Except he played a vampire in the first episode, "Night Work," who clearly wasn't the Master because... well, they killed and skinned him. So is Bald & Cracked Mouth supposed to be the Master, our unnamed Dracula? Or just "a" vampire? Or are all of the male vampires clones of the Master (much like all the females looked a lot alike)? Or can't the producers afford more than one creepy bald guy?



Am I am charge, or am I in charge?

I say "three heroes" because Malcolm has decided that he doesn't trust Vanessa. Which seems kind of out of the blue. He then tells her that she's hot in her new dress and then sends her off on a dinner date with Dorian. Who seems intent on bedding every member of our team. I'm looking forward to the episode where he and Sembene get together (Penny Mandingo?).

So Vanessa decides to have sex with Dorian and cuts his chest with a knife, and then she gives in to the demon that seems to always be with her, never giving her a moment's privacy. She leaves after some near-sex and near-nudity on Eva Green's part, and Dorian goes down to his portrait and heals his sex scratches.



I am one fine looking dude.

Dorian also drops a few hints about liking portraits, eternity, and how bored he is with everything.

So Vanessa goes home and decides to hang around with Malcolm. Float a few ideas. Lift his spirits. Indulge in flights of fancy.



Your mother knits socks in Hell, Father Karras!

Oh, and Caliban first gets kind of hit on by Maude the actress, and then when he gives her a book, she dumps on him, unaware that he's watching through the most obvious screen in theater history. This lead to him deciding to kill Van Helsing just after Dr. V lays a buttload of exposition about vampires on Victor, seeing him as the son he never had because he staked and decapitated his wife.



RIP Van Helsing. You were a class act.

So yes, Caliban brutally kills someone else in front of Victor again, someone who didn't deserve it.

And if you read carefully above, you'll notice that a lot of this was repetition. Brona is still coughing and dying. Caliban is still killing innocent people. Three of the group go into a dark location and fight vampires. Dorian has sex with someone. Eva Green rolls her eyes and writhes. Seen it, done it, bought the t-shirt.

So this week's episode seems like a placeholder of sorts. Not really a lot happened to move the plot forward, except for Vanessa getting possessed. Which seems to lead into next week's episode, but may or may not move the plot forward a bit since the whole Egyptian mythology angle seems to have faded away along with Ferdinand, who I kind of miss. Of course, if he came back Caliban would probably kill him.

With two episodes left, you kind of wish they'd move it along. Judging from the episode titles, next week will deal with Vanessa's possession and reveal a bit of the Egyptian lore. The finale will be the Grand Guignol piece and Caliban will probably get sweet, sweet revenge on Maude for rejecting him, playing the whole thing out... well, grand guignol style on-stage. But will the Master be defeated? Will Caliban get his bride? Will Ethan wolf out? Will Dorian's secrets be revealed onscreen? They'd better hurry it up or we're going to have a lot of cliffhangers to wait 10 months for.

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. What do you think?

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