Police Squad!

Season 1 Episode 2

Ring of Fear (A Dangerous Assignment)

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Mar 11, 1982 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Frank: I'd just come from the stockyards. We'd gotten reports of hundreds of cows had been senselessly slaughtered in the area, but I couldn't find any evidence. I stopped off for a hamburger and checked in with headquarters.

    • Frank: Anyone with Schultz after the fight?
      Ed: Just his manager.
      Frank: Who's that?
      Ed: Some joe named Cooper.
      Frank: Who's this Joe Cooper?
      Ed: No, Sal Cooper.

    • Buddy: I make a pretty good living.
      Frank: Maybe you can make a better one. A cleaner one. And a better one.

    • Cooper: What are you, some kind of wise guy?
      Frank: Yeah. I'm a wise guy. With a lot of long green.
      Poker Player #1: You manage Lorne Greene?
      Cooper: I'll trade Buddy for Lorne Greene.
      Frank: No, no, I mean I've got cash.
      Poker Player #1: You mean you manage Johnny Cash too?
      Cooper: Who are you?
      Frank: Kelly. Bob Kelly. Mind if I sit in a few hands?
      Cooper: Your money's good here.
      Poker Player #1: Goodyear? You've got the blimp too?

    • Cooper: What've you got?
      Frank: Full house. Kings over.
      Cooper: Not so fast, Kelly. Straight beats a full house.
      Frank: No it doesn't. A straight beats three of a kind. A full house beats a straight.
      Poker Player #1: Can a flush beat a straight?
      Poker Player #2: A straight flush beats everything.
      Frank: Not a royal flush.
      Cooper: Does a flush beat a full house?
      Poker Player #2: A regular flush, or a straight flush?
      Poker Player #1: A flush beats a straight.

    • Frank: Buddy Briggs belongs to me now. But just to make it nice and legal, I brought along a bill of sale. Sign it. You, you witness it. You, check for spelling errors.

    • Ted: So you see, Katie, when I throw this switch, electrical current from the power source is able to continue its journey to its final destination. In our case, a light bulb.
      Katie: Gee.
      Ted: All set then?
      Katie: Guess so, Mr. Olsen.
      Ted: Here we go! Oh, hi, Frank. Ed. Why don't you run along now, Katie, and next week remember to bring three things from your mother's dressing room.

    • Mary: You're not the man I married.
      Buddy: How can you say that?
      Mary: (shows him a man sitting in the closet) Because here's the man I married.

    • Buddy: Mary. I love you. I'm trying to give you all the things you never had. A decent home, decent life, your own synagogue.

    • Frank: Buddy, I'm here to help you. Now, do you think you can beat the champ?
      Buddy: I can take him blindfolded.
      Frank: Well, he's not blindfolded.
      Buddy: I can still beat him.

    • The Champ: Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, I'm going to break your face.

    • Frank: Sorry, Buddy. No sax before a fight.

    • Martin: We've got Mary!
      Buddy: What?
      Frank: You're bluffing!
      Martin: Oh, yeah?
      Buddy: Mary's scarf!
      Frank: He could have gotten that anywhere.
      Martin: How 'bout this?
      Buddy: Mary's purse!
      Frank: There are millions of purses like that.
      Martin: How 'bout this?
      Buddy: Mary's toaster!
      Frank: Oh, my God!

    • Johnny: She's in big trouble. She's being held by Martin's goon Luca.
      Frank: What's a goonluka?
      Johnny: No. Luca Burnett, Martin's henchman.
      Frank: Right.

    • The Champ: Jack and Jill went up the hill. I'm gonna break your face! I'm gonna break your face!

    • Frank: All right, Luca! I've got a gun in your ribs.
      Mary: I'm not Luca, and those aren't my ribs.

    • Ed: Okay, Martin, you've fixed your last fight. From now on the boxers in this town will lose honestly.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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