Police Squad!

Season 1 Episode 3

The Butler Did It (A Bird in the Hand)

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Mar 18, 1982 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Frank: Is this 808 Garbomicer Rd.? (Thames turns over the card) Maple St.?
      Thames: Yes sir, it is.
      Frank: (hands him his card) I'm from Police Squad. I'd like to see Captain Hocken.
      Thames: Of course, Lt. Flemin. (Frank turns over his card) Drebin.

    • Frank: Is there a ransom note?
      Ed: Yes, the butler found it. It was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lab. They're demanding one million dollars.
      Frank: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?
      Ed: The kidnappers made the demand, Frank.
      Frank: Oh.

    • Ed: Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Better. This is Lt. Frank Drebin.
      Warner: Mr. Drebin.
      Frank: The feeling is mutual.

    • Frank: Just relax. Everything is going to be all right.
      Ed: Mrs. Burton, what did he say?
      Charlotte: "Just relax. Everything is going to be all right."
      Ed: No, the kidnapper.

    • (when his daughter is kidnapped)
      Warner: Lt. Drebin, what do I do?
      Frank: Well, as I understand it, you're in the textile industry.

    • Warner: I'll pay whatever ransom is necessary to get Terri back.
      Frank: No, that would be giving in to them. These people are emotionally unstable. Had a case like this, similar. Kidnappers cut off the victim's ear and sent it to the family.
      (Charlotte cries)
      Ed: So you see, you've got to let us help you.
      Frank: Not the whole ear, of course. Just a piece of it.
      (Charlotte cries harder)
      Ed: And when this whole thing blows over, we'll return Terri's ear if she's still alive.
      (Charlotte cries even harder)
      Frank: She's taking it hard.

    • Ed: We'll leave Officer Norberg here. If you need anything, just ask him.
      Frank: We'll be in touch.
      Ed: Norberg, I want you to nose around.
      Frank: And keep an eye out for the ear.
      Norberg: Yes, sir. Don't you worry, Mrs. Burton. If Terri's ear comes, I'll handle it. (Charlotte cries)

    • Ted: So you see, Billy, this experiment will prove the Earth's gravity exerts the same pulling force on any object no matter what size or weight.
      Billy: Gee.
      Ted: Let me show you what I've done. The bowling ball weighs 10 pounds. Your next-door neighbor Dr. Murray Shanebaum weighs 175 pounds. Are you ready, Dr. Shanebaum? Now Billy, I'll set this timer to drop the bowling ball and Dr. Shanebaum in one minute. We can watch from a safe distance. Oh, hi, Frank. Why don't you run along now, Billy, and next week we'll discuss ten things you can do with a carrot.

    • Warner: I've got to know. Where is she? Where is she?!?
      Ed: Gesundheit.
      Frank: Everything is fine, Mr. Burton. Sit down, sit down. relax. Coffee?
      Warner: Yes, I know.

    • Warner: Lakefront? My God, do you know how big that area is? My daughter's a needle in a haystack.
      Frank: That's not true. I've seen a picture of her, she's very attractive.

    • Frank: Warner Burton's fears were real. Time was running out for Terri. Ed and I drove around for hours for no particular reason. We came up empty.

    • Tommy Lasorda: It's my pitching, Johnny. Do you think I need another starter?
      Johnny: How should I know? (Tommy pays him off) The rigors of a full season on a four-man rotation are just too demanding. You need a left-handed swing man to fill your long relief spots. Give him an occasional start and he'll round out your staff nicely.
      Tommy Lasorda: You're talking about a guy like Gossage, aren't you, Johnny?
      Johnny: Oh, come on, Tommy, use your head. Gossage is right-handed. And besides, he can't throw more than two innings. Here's the names of five southpaws with career ERAs of 2.93. And you wouldn't have been in this mess if you hadn't given up Tommy John.
      (Tommy hangs his head in shame)

  • Notes

    • John Belushi was originally scheduled to play the Special Guest Star dying in the opening credits. He jokingly suggested the show him dead of a drug overdose. They eventually went with his drowning, gangland style. However, when he died two weeks before the episode was scheduled to air, they replaced his death scene with Robert Goulet's.

    • The song being played on the "Holiday Tubas" tape is "Holiday for Strings" by David Rose and Sam Gallop.

    • Georg Stanford Brown, who directed this episode, had a safe dropped on him in the beginning of the previous episode.

    • This is the first chronological appearance of Peter Lupus as Norberg, who will continue to appear in the remaining episodes of the series. He is formally introduced in the fifth episode, which was produced before this one but aired later.

    • Robert Goulet would later portray villain Quentin Hapsburg in Naked Gun 2 ½ : The Smell of Fear.

  • Allusions

    • Tuba store names
      Among the tuba stores named in the episode are "Tuba or not Tuba," referring to the famous soliloquy in Hamlet that begins "To be or not to be..."