Private Practice

Derek: Next time I save your life, Archer, a simple thank you would suffice. If you were a neurosurgeon and not just a neurotic, you would know that it is common for a CSP to temporarily fill with fluid, post surgery. Repeat the CT in a month and this will be clear. Naomi: What? You mean he's going to be fine? Derek: No, he's going to be an ass, like he's always been.

Addison : Shut up, Derek. You cornered me. I let you corner me. This is the hotdog Thanksgiving all over again. Derek: What? Addison : Oh you know what. Your mother breaks her wrist. So the day before Thanksgiving, you invite 34 people over to our house, without asking me, knowing I've never cooked a turkey in my life. Your sister gets salmonella and your mother, who never liked me, accuses me of trying to kill everyone. And you, make hot dogs, and you're the hero. Derek: Addison. Addison : No, it's the exact same thing, Derek. You make some cavalier statement and then I got to do all the work, no matter how it turns out, you're the hero and I'm incompetent.

Sam: Hah! Naomi: Excuse me? Sam: I said, hah! Hah, because I was right. Hah, because it was an allergic reaction, so hah to Mark and Addison and you, if you believed them. It was not a panic attack. It was an asthma attack. I am not pathetic. I am a man. I am a man with asthma. So, hah!

Miranda: I always liked Addison. Don't always like everybody, but I always liked her. She smells nice, she's polite, she saves babies. So what happened to the brother? Was he lost at birth? Raised by wolves? Sam: He's not always such an ass.

Addison: Dr Shepherd! Derek: Dr Shepherd? Addison: Well if you're going to act like some random surgeon with a God complex, I'm going to speak to you like one.

Derek: Archer's awake and complaining. Am I right? Heought to be happy he's on five of morphine. Addison: He says his vision is blurry and he would like you to run another CT. Derek: No. Addison: No? Derek: Your brother's an ass. His vision is probably impaired because he can't see past his own ego.

Cooper: If you got to know Violet a little better ... Charlotte: I'd rather have teeth pulled. Cooper: She's my best friend, Charlotte. If she were a guy, wouldn't you make an effort to get to know my best friend? Charlotte: If she were a guy, she'd be on Twenty Twenty for getting pregnant.

Cooper: Look, I know you're upset about me living with Violet. I know you feel excluded, but it doesn't have to be like that. You could be part of it. Charlotte: Part of it, Cooper? Really? What exactly do you think that would look like? Me living with the two of you, reading Mother Goose to Violet's swollen belly while you're giving her pregnancy massages? Or how about me putting on my Bo Peep outfit, trying to seduce you while she's calling out from the next room for a puke bucket? Or, better yet, me taking video of you and Violet bringing your little snot home? Cooper: It's not my little snot and I'm not trying to be the father.

Naomi: (talking about Sam's asthma attack) I never saw an attack this bad before. I mean he wasn't exerting, he wasn't walking through a field of wild, blooming, flowers. He was just in a hospital. Addison: And yet watching you doting over Archer, he was unable to get oxygen into his lungs. Do I need to draw a picture?