Psych Season 2 Episode 5

(Gus unzips a body bag a little bit, there's nothing)
Shawn: Really? (unzips the bag a bit more, still nothing) How short was this guy? Dude, a little more. (unzips a bit more, revealing boots) We have boots.

Shawn: So, a jockey who was alive at the beginning of the race is dead at the end. Not to sound insensitive, but I say we do have a case.
Gus: That sounds insensitive.
Shawn: Yeah, I know.

(Shawn is reading a horse)
Shawn: He doesn't like the oats, or the alfalfa pellets. They're too chewy for pellets. Pellets are supposed to be crunchy, they should have a natural crunch to them. (reads again) Also, the donkey in stable 11 is a pathological liar.

Shawn: Jimmy Nichols called us.
Gus: Jimmy Nichols called us? From where? Prison?
Shawn: I don't think so. It didn't sound like it. What does prison sound like? Is there singing?

Gus: Okay. So let me get this straight. You took on this case because you felt bad for Jimmy getting kicked out of school for something he didn't do, and now you've convinced the police to reopen the case that led to Jimmy being arrested for murder.
Shawn: Did I ask for nut shelling?

(Shawn had previously told Gus to watch for tall blonde woman - TBW)
Gus: Shawn, look. TBW.
Shawn: Way to stay on the abbreviation train, Gus.
Gus: You mean the AT?

Juliet: Shawn, how do you know this?
Shawn: Same way I know that as a child, Lassie wanted nothing more than a pony.
Lassiter: Well come on, who didn't?
Gus: Anyone who wasn't a 8 year old girl.

Shawn: Everybody stop! Let's acknowledge that the chief is wearing leopard print... and continue.

Henry: Wow! I've never been in the jockey's club before. Thanks for getting me these tickets, Shawn. Good thing we wore our lucky shirts.
Shawn: Yeah, well, I hope some guy doesn't look at me and have a seizure.

Shawn: Lassie...your childhood must have been pure hell. The good news...I'm available for hugs. (Lassiter walks away) Jules, how 'bout it? (Juliet leaves) Buddy, it's been a while.
Gus: (sarcastically) Please.

Barry Saunder: (referring to the shaman staff) I've been collecting these artifacts for a number of years. I'm actually 1/16th Indian myself, but not Cherokee.
Shawn: Hey! Gus is 1/16th robot and not the evil take over the world from I, Robot kind.

Barry Saunder: Tracks probably closing down after this meet. 25 years I've been doing this.
Gus: Why is it closing down?
Barry Saunder: Well no one comes anymore.
Shawn: Is it because of his shirt? (Points to his fathers colorful shirt)
Sorry dad, this is like a genocide of color. Somewhere a rainbow is weeping.

Shawn: Juan-Carlos was poisoned.
Lassiter: He's right.
Shawn: Chief, I am so sick of Lassiter treating us like second class citizens. What?
Lassiter: You're right. Espinoza had a cocktail of drugs in his system. Opiates, barbiturates, cocaine, three different kinds of weight-loss drugs, Cialis and horse tranquilizers.
Gus: Horse tranquilizers?
Lassiter: Apparently the guy took everything in sight. He was 4'9" and three feet of that were drugs.

Shawn: Look, after Jimmy got kicked out of school, there was all these stories about what happened to him. He ran away from home, he got thrown in juvenile hall...moved to a small town in Kansas where they outlawed singing and dancing.
Gus: The last one is Footloose.
Shawn: That's a coincidence.

Gus: He's not getting my lunch money. I tell you that much. (picks up a bat)
Shawn: Great you can terrify him with your Wally Joyner mini-bat.
Gus: Open the door. (Shawn opens the door)
Jimmy: What up boys.
(Shawn and Gus notice he is very short)
Shawn: (whispering) That's a good call with the mini-bat.

Gus: You always gotta hit it right on the nose, don't you? Why couldn't I be Crockett?
Shawn: Because Gus, you stood in front of the entire third grade class and said, "When I grow up, I want to be Phillip Michael Thomas."
Gus: Well you said, "I want to be the mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers."
Shawn: Dude he's the biggest sausage in the world.

Juliet: Ehh...
Shawn: What is that?
Juliet: Sorry, it's just little people make me... Well let's just say I had a bad experience with a Christmas elf.
Gus: What, he didn't give you the right present?
Juliet: No, we dated. And then he dumped me for a dancer from the Ice Storm on Ice. (Juliet walks away)
Shawn: She is an enigma wrapped in a little blond riddle.

Young Shawn: What are you doing here? (Shawn day dreaming with Little Shawn)
Shawn: This is my head, dude. I can do what I whatever I want. What'd we miss, what's going on here?
Young Shawn: Is that what my hair looks like in the future?
Shawn: Sure is.
Young Shawn: I thought I'd be bald by 20. This changes everything.
Shawn: Yeah, it does. Think big.

Shawn: (referring to Henry's very colorful shirt) Wow, Dad. Tell me you're wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space.
Henry: Very funny, Shawn. This happens to be one of my lucky track shirts.
Gus: I like it.
Shawn: I'd like it too if I had to walk home in the dark.

Shawn: He's not going to kill us...right? I mean, people change. We haven't seen him since the 5th grade.
Gus: I don't need to see him Shawn! Some people are just born evil. The kid from The Omen, the Children of the Corn, Chad Michael Murray.