Psych Season 1 Episode 12

Judge Leland: Does the defense wish to cross-examine?
Hornstock: Your honor, the defense rests.
Shawn: (coughing) No, it doesn't.
Hornstock: Your honor, the defense may rest. (whispering to Shawn) Why not resting?
Shawn: (whispering) I have a vibe that's very strong.

Shawn: You didn't think there was any way you could be blamed, because clouds don't kill people, people kill people.

Judge Leland: Very good, where did you attend law school?
Gus: Just sixth grade law your honor, but it was an accelerated course.

Shawn: Hornstock, I think you have the potential to be a fantastic lawyer. You just need confidence. After all that is your name on the door. Now come on!
Hornstock: Oh no, no, no. None of those Hornstock's are me. The first one is my grandfather he founded the firm. The middle one my father then my brother.
Gus: Wow whole family of lawyers.
Hornstock: Yeah, even my sister.
Shawn: Well there you go she didn't make the door.
Hornstock: She's Biederman it's her married name.

Gus: (watching a sex tape of the weatherman) Do any of you make noises like that?
Shawn: His or hers?

Gus: Can we see those? (Hornstock's case files)
(Hornstock pulls out several thick binders of files)
Shawn: Oh yes (laughing) and maybe later on we can read the phone book... just for fun.

Hornstock: Now can we please go before Jurekie gets back?
Shawn: (sees Jurekies ring in a saucer) Carter Jurekie just left for a nooner with his mistress, we have at least two hours... (sees the picture of Jurekie) ... maybe an hour and a half.

Shawn: (to Lassiter) Hey, Lassie, that really wasn't much of a put down. In fact, it was somewhat inspiring.

Gus: I do watch the news and I've been following this case. They have a mountain of evidence against this lady. Look, they call her the school marm murderer.
Shawn: First of all there's a question mark at the end of that. They call her "The school marm murderer?" Even the news people aren't convinced. And, today at the courthouse, in the middle of a conversation, I saw her bend over and pick up a piece of trash.
Gus: Oh, I see, so because she picked up somebody's kit-kat wrapper, it means she didn't kill anybody. (rolls eyes) That makes sense.

Shawn: Oooh, let's get in there and grab seats.
Gus: How? You think that court officer is guarding the door for his health?
Shawn: Just roll with me on this. (moves through the crowd of reporters to the courtroom door) Excuse me, people, coming through. Shawn Spencer here, Spencer! That's S-P-E-N-C-E-R, this is my partner Burton Guster. G-U… Look, I know I have been reluctant to go on record about this trial up to this point…
Reporter: (interrupting Shawn) I- I'm sorry who are you?
Shawn: (incredulously) What is this, Journalism 101? (dismissively) I give my statement, you berate me with your rudimentary Q&A later. In fact, you two switch places. (switches the reporters around to put the cute female by him)

Henry: Well maybe if you didn't park your bike within 14 feet of a fire hydrant.
Shawn: (pause) You ratted me out.

Adam: Have you ever considered going by the name of Bolt Lightning?
Ruben: No.
(Shawn walks over and hands Hornstock a piece of paper. Hornstock reads it and turns back to Ruben)
Adam: Cloudy McMillan?
Ruben: No.
Adam: Wendy Morningdew?
Ruben: That's a woman's name.

Shawn: Congratulations. You got the bump!
Hornstock: Thank you.
Shawn: We'd love to work with you again.
Gus: So what is it now, Hornstock, Hornstock, Hornstock, Biederman and Hornstock?
Hornstock: We had to get wider doors, but yes.

Hornstock: My firm doesn't really believe in...
Shawn: Winning?
Hornstock: No.
Shawn: Mermaids?
Hornstock: No.
Shawn: The Minotaur?
Hornstock: Me.

Shawn: (talking to Lassiter) Please tell me you're not one of those courtroom groupies that bounces from trial to trial....wait a second, was that you at the Michael Jackson hearing with the sequined glove and the shirt that said "Free the man in the mirror."

Gus: Where are our candlesticks Shawn?
Shawn: Maybe you just jumped over them.
Gus: What?
Shawn: Be nimble? Be quick?

Hornstock: Your Honor, at this time the defense calls for a mistrial!
Gus: (hushed) This is fun!

Shawn: Dude, we're gonna be legal consultants. It's awesome.