Psych Season 1 Episode 11

Gus: Speed dating?
Marvin: Yeah. Don't laugh, it's actually one of our most popular events. Guys come in here, they sign up, put down a hundred bucks, and they get fixed up with all sorts of people on little six-minute mini-dates.
Gus: Did you say a hundred bucks?
Marvin: Hundred bucks.
Shawn: How about fifty bucks for three-minute dates?
Gus: Twenty-five bucks for a minute-and-a-half?
Shawn: I float you a ten-spot, you introduce us to somebody for fifteen seconds?

Lassiter: Look, this is a copycat, okay? He saw Turk's picture in the paper. He's looking for attention.
Gus: So he wakes up and sees Turk in the paper naked, humiliated, the butt of jokes at the water cooler, and says, "Hmmm, how can I make this work for me?"

(Of questioning two men originally found nude)
Shawn: The rule is all slacks all the time, no exceptions.
Gus: I hear that. I've reached my naked man quota for the year.

Spa Employee: May I help you?
Gus: Yes, I'm here for a tanning appointment.
Spa Employee: (confused) For yourself?
Gus: Yes, for the instant tanning process. I would like that.
Spa Employee: But…
Gus: What?
Spa Employee: You…
Gus: Yes.
Spa Employee: I don't understand.
Gus: Okay, look. Screw it, I can't do it. Have you seen either of these guys here?

Shawn: (to his father) Okay what are you doing? You're putting a negative spin on things, as usual. Look might they have a few more obstacles than your typical couple if she turns out to be a cold blooded killer, sure! What if they really fall in love dad?

Shawn: (to Juliet's date Kyle) I'm sensing that you're gonna face a lot of ah, um, rejection.
Kyle: You mean work wise or...
Shawn: No, no, not work wise. Not work wise... you know what I'm gonna go.

Henry: (to Young Shawn) For now, I'm going to leave you with one very simple rule. Under no circumstances, ever, ever, do you mention to a woman her age or her weight.

Henry: Women want you to listen to 'em Shawn. They want you to pick up every small detail, they want you to compliment them.

(At the Irish restaurant/bar for a speed dating session)
Speed dating M.C.: Love is in the air, I can smell it.
Gus: I smell cabbage.

Shawn: What is that?
Henry: What?
Shawn: Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!
Henry: Whatever, Shawn. All I know is when I varnish my boat and I don't want it to streak I sand off a layer first, same thing goes with tanning.
Shawn: That is the single most disturbing analogy I've ever heard in my entire life.

(at a tanning salon)
Gus: He says it's always the single guys trying to keep up on their tans.
Shawn: Single guys?
Gus: Yea.
Shawn: Maybe that's it. Maybe some woman is targeting singles at the salon. Question is, what kind of loser thinks getting a tan is gonna help him score a woman?
(Henry walks out in a robe)
Shawn: Dad?

Lassiter: I'm not taking fashion tips from you.
Shawn: You need to show some chest hair, chicks dig the sternum bush.

Gus: (Gus wearing a bright orange shirt) You're gonna pay Shawn. You are gonna pay. Believe me.
Shawn: No offense, but it's tough to feel threatened by you when you're wearing that shirt. Is that a Hibiscus?
Gus: It's not my shirt. It's your dad's. He had to loan me one because mine was covered in snot tears!

Henry: (talking to young Shawn) Alright tell me, what's the name of this kid who hit you.
Young Shawn: Elizabeth.

Juliet: I had no idea you were so serious about bowling.
Shawn: Quite serious, quite serious. Matter of fact, LEGO wants to sponsor me this year.
Juliet: Oh my god, that's great.
Shawn: They also want me to wear shoes made out of LEGOs, so I'm torn.

Shawn: Gus, everybody wants to rub your head.