Psych

Shawn: Look around, Gus. These are my people. Gus: Who are your people? Shawn: These people. Artists. Thinkers. Dreamers. Guys...dressed as toast.

Shawn: She's sweet. Sweet like Mariah Carey on a bender.

Shawn: Besides, this is a real-life television studio, Gus. What could be better? Gus: Eating my breakfast. I was having a poached egg with hollandaise sauce on an English muffin. Shawn: Look, we'll solve it up quick, you'll be home in no time. Hello? Dame Judy Dench called, she wants her breakfast back.

(On camera after arresting Kelly) Lassiter: Hola, me llamo Inspector Carlton Lassiter. Me gusta queso. (In English: Hello, my name is Detective Carlton Lassiter. I like cheese.) Jules: Really? That's what you choose to say?

(In a Spanish accent on set) Contessa Gabrielle/Correen: But he wrote a suicide note. Shawn: No, he didn't. You should have a degree in being wrong all the time.

Gus: This whole thing is starting to feel like a real soap opera to me. I can't believe he would try to take his own life. Shawn: Unless he was wearing a wig, he didn't. Someone else did. Gus: What? I don't get it. Shawn: Really? I thought I wrapped it up so nicely for you just now. It felt really good, it was organic. (Picks up synthetic hairs on Jorge's head) Synthetic hair. Just like the one found on the knife. Gus: So? Shawn: Dude, it means the same person were there, when Jorge tried to "kill himself." He wasn't alone. Gus: So wait, you're saying he didn't try to kill himself? Shawn: I can't do this. Gus: You're not being clear, Shawn. Shawn: Come on dude. I gave it to you three different ways.

(to Lassiter and Jules after they find Shawn and Gus at the hospital bed of Jorge) Nurse: I'm gonna have to ask you two to leave. This man is very sick, and I need quiet in here. Lassiter: Us? Jules: Excuse me, I'm Detective O'Hara and this is Detective Lassiter, and we're investigating this man. Lassiter: I demand you remove these men from this room. Nurse: Honey, the only people actually authorized to be in here are Mr. Spencer and Mr. Guster. They're on Mr. Gama-lobo's friends and family list. Everyone else, out. Lassiter: (to Shawn) You just met him a week ago. Shawn: His whole family is back in Mexico. His older brother misses him very much. Gus: His sister. Shawn: Right. (as Lassiter and Jules leave) Jules: How does he make friends so fast?

Shawn: Was he ever in your dressing room? Contessa Gabrielle: I should say not. Shawn: That's strange. I'm seeing him in your dressing room. Contessa Gabrielle: Are you a psychic or some kind of witch? Okay, so maybe sometimes he came to my dressing room to run lines or something. Shawn: No, he's not running lines. He's holding a feather duster, dipping himself in pancake batter. And he's quite naked. Contessa Gabrielle: (in Spanish for witch) Brujo.

Jorge: You don't know her wrath. She hates me. She is like the Latina Susan Lucci. She beat me up. Gus: I hardly think there's a woman capable of that. Shawn: Bea Arthur. Gus: I stand corrected.

Gus: Hurry up. Ask him a question that proves there's more here than meets the eye. Shawn: I have a question. (to Kelly) Are those delicious looking sandwiches for everybody? Kelly: Yes, for everyone working on the stage here. Shawn: Thank you. Gus: That's it? That's your question. Shawn: Follow up question. (to Kelly again) Do you have salami?