Psych

Gus: You want to go home or you want to go watch your dad hit on that lady doctor for a while? Shawn: I'd rather dip my jewels in honey and go on a bear watch.

Henry: (on the phone) Hello? Shawn: Hey dad. Help me out here. I need that number for that doctor lady. Henry: Shawn, what are you doing? Shawn: Nothing. Henry: Shawn. Shawn: Okay, fine. It rhymes with "fark punting".

Tanner: Your job is to "shut up". Shawn: Okay, that's good. That's easy. I was worried I would draw swabbing the deck, which is far more difficult than remaining quiet. Gus: You're failing at your job right now. Shawn: Says you. Gus: Says the definition of "shut up."

Juliet: He brought a woman he just met to an autopsy? Gus: (sarcastically) Yeah, who does that? (looks at Shawn) Shawn: Shut up.

Kim: I was glad to see that it was a former cop who caught the shark instead of a shark hunter. Henry: My intentions were good. Shawn: He wanted the reward in a big, big way. Henry: I was trying to keep the waters safe for the children. Kim: Were you, really? Henry: The reward crossed my mind, but a divorced man has to build his nest-egg. Kim: Did you just casually slip the word "divorced" into a sentence to an apparently single woman? Henry: Did you just casually slip "single woman" into your response? Kim: Touché. Shawn: Is this really happening? Gus: Yes, I think you're dad is totally in there. Shawn: Oh, please, Gus. Where's the decorum? He's hitting on this poor woman in the middle of a crime scene. Gus: Shawn, you did that three times in the last year.

Lassiter: Well, I feared it would be a Spencer that got to that shark before me. I just can't believe it turned out to be the other one. Shawn: I think I should be offended. Gus? Gus: Compliment to you, insult to your dad.

Shawn: We just need to see the shark's teeth to see if they match a wound. Henry: Wait a second. Are you working with Detective Dip Stick? Gus: You're calling him that too? Henry: I tried not to. It just rolls right off the tongue.

Gus: Let me get this straight. You're doing real police work, and Lassiter's following some crazy hunch? Shawn: Stranger things have happened. Gus: Name one. Shawn: Michelle Pfeiffer dated Fisher Stevens, and then he actually cheated on her. (Gus nods in agreement)

(Shawn spots his dad ready to go fishing.) Shawn: Oh no, no, no, no, not you too. Henry: What? Shawn: You're going after the shark reward? Henry: What, are you crazy? Shawn: What's with all the equipment? Henry: This stuff belongs to a buddy of mine. We're gonna go hunt some marlin. Shawn: Wayans? Well, it's about time. Get out there quick, before they make another White Chicks. Gus: White Chicks was hilarious, Shawn.

(Shawn believes Lassiter is right, even though his theory is crazy.) Shawn: We're one in the same. We're Shassie now. We're Sharlton. We're Spenciter. Lassiter: Oh my God. (he walks away) Juliet: Make no mistake; this is definitely your fault. Shawn: I've heard that, but I'm trying to figure out how.

Lassiter: There's a piercing in the skin. Juliet: There are lots of them; it's a shark attack. Lassiter: No, no, this one's different. It's cleaner. It's a knife wound. Juliet: A knife wound? Lassiter: Spencer would say it. Juliet: You're not him. Lassiter: Thank the sweet Lord for that.

Juliet: Carlton, you can't solve a case in four minutes. Lassiter: Can't I? I think I can. I've seen it done. Juliet: Not by you. Lassiter: Thanks for that.

Lassiter: This is your fault Spencer. Shawn: My fault? Lassiter: Yeah, you got all up in my head! Shawn: Okay, first of all, I wouldn't last five minutes in your head.