Psych

Lassiter: Ahh but that's how it starts, one minute they're destroying public property and the next thing you know they're shooting cops.

Shawn: Well, at least that gives us the "how". Now we just gotta figure out the "why", which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who? Gus: Where? (Gus and Shawn point to each other to acknowledge Gus' sharp comeback.)

Shawn: You sure you want to park this close, Dad? We're almost a quarter of a mile away. Henry: Shawn, we're exactly where we should be to get a read on the situation. Shawn: I can literally see the curvature of the Earth from here.

Shawn: A candy striper. Really? I didn't even know they made those uniforms for men. Gus: They just started. There was a lawsuit. Shawn: I'm just saying, aim higher.

Shawn: Hello, I am Doctor Howser. I am filling in today. This is my personal candy striper, Knick Knack. Gus: Hello. Shawn: He is from Guam. We will be instructing you. Let's begin. You. Impress me.

Shawn: Bam! (holds out visitor's badge) Say it with me. Vis-it-or's badge!! Gus: Uh huh. Uh huh. Do something. I dare you. Security Guard: I'll be watching you. Shawn: We'll be getting watched.

Henry: I'll be your Talmadge McGrauder. Shawn: McGregor. Gus: McGulager. Shawn: Exactly. Henry: I'll be all those guys, and I'll have this case solved by lunch. Shawn: Considering they eat lunch here at 10:15, I'm gonna say we'll have it done by 9:45.

Lassiter: You know that is a brilliant theory but, what you've failed to take in account is that it's five degrees hotter today than the same day last year. Shawn: Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. It's true. (Everyone stares) I'm sorry I thought we were offering useless pieces of information.

Medical Student: John Doe admitted two days ago with severe hypotension causing low brain perfusion. Also suffered inter-cranial bleed from syncope and falling down. Shawn: Do you want to help this patient or not? Medical Student: Of course sir. Shawn: Then speak to me like I'm ten years old. Medical Student: He had a sudden drop in blood pressure which deprived his brain of blood. He also suffered a contusion and small cerebral hemorrhage. Shawn: Then speak to me like I'm five. Medical Student: His blood pressure went boom and his brain got an auwe.

Henry: 6:00 am, sharp. Shawn: No, it's too early. Gus: How about 9:00? Henry: 9:00 is a little late. Shawn: C'mon, guys, let's be reasonable. Just split the difference, okay? Call it 11:15. Henry: 6:00 it is.

Shawn: Touch it, just use your fingertip. Gus: I am not touching an electrified fence, Shawn! Guard: How about I touch it? Shawn: I don't think I like the way that sounds.

Shawn: Can you check for a John Doe please? Actually, can you check all the "doe-s"? Taekwon, cookie, play, do-si...

Juliet: Why don't you tell me why your acting out? Lassiter: I'm not acting out! He started it! Juliet: I was talking to the kid.

Shawn: Always hating on the Indians. Gus: I'm not hating on the Indians, I'm hating on you.