Psych Season 1 Episode 6

(Looking down at air hockey table)
Gus: What is this?
Shawn: The battlefield.
Gus: Based on what?
Shawn: The briefing board at the police station.
Gus: You did this from memory.
Shawn: Yes.
Gus: You said you saw it for two minutes.
Shawn: Right. Two whole minutes.
Gus: You got problems.

Gus: Muscom?
Shawn: What the hell is a Muscom?
Gus: It was a very common name of the era.
(surprised, Shawn looks at Gus)
Gus: History channel!
Shawn: ESPN, Gus. Channel 206. I'm begging you.

Shawn: (to Mahoney) Oh ye immoral man of low fiber! You should really eat more bran.

Lassiter: If I'm wrong, I'll hold a press conference where you are both cordially invited to come and say "I told you so."
Shawn: Okay.
Gus: Sounds fair.
Shawn: Can I wear your face wig?

Vick: (about Lassiter) Shawn, unless you can give us a name, I'm afraid he's right this time.
Shawn: Fine. I'll get you a name. (to Lassiter) And I'm going to get you a woman. (exits)
Lassiter: Afraid he's right? (Vick shrugs) This time?

Gus: (Lassiter is wearing a fake beard) Is that Lassiter? What died on his face?

Sally: (Gus is wearing his Civil War uniform and plume) I think you look dashing. Personally, I always loved the marching band.

Henry: The truth, Shawn. You're not really my son, are you? Because I gave you a watch with the inscription, "Don't Lose", and what is the first thing that you do?
Shawn: I lose the watch.
Henry: You lose the watch!
Shawn: Well, here's a news flash Dad. My birthday wasn't yesterday, okay? It was... four months ago.
Henry: Yeah, well here's a news flash for you, kid. After you were born, it took you four months to smile at me. That's when the clock started ticking.

George: I know what you're thinking, "What's wrong with this picture?", but where is it written that the ugly guy never gets the girl?
(awkward pause)
Shawn: Everywhere, man.

Lassiter: This case is personal. One of my soldiers was killed on my watch and I, not you, am going to clean it up. We clear?
Shawn: I wouldn't have gone with something as traditional as "We clear?" You could have gone foreign. "Right, compadre?" "Capisce?" Could have had a little fun with it: "You dig my jist, sweet pants?" These are just suggestions.

Shawn: Oh, come on, let me on this.
Lassiter: No!
Shawn: I was there, inexplicably drawn to the scene. I was meant to solve this case. It's sorta like a miracle.
Lassiter: You have been out there every weekend when we rehearsed, and don't think I didn't see you trying to throw M&M's in the injured soldiers mouths.
Shawn: Okay, first of all, those were Skittles and they have a rainbow of flavor.