Pushing Daisies Season 1 Episode 6

Ned: Digby and I have been together for a very long time. We're intimate, but it's the appropriate level of canine-human intimacy.

Emerson: They were all breeders too.
Olive: They make babies for their polygamy cult?
Emerson: Dog breeders.
Olive: They make dogs for their polygamy cult?
Emerson: Ain't nobody making nothing for their polygamy cult.

Narrator: Wondering why her kiss with the pie maker went unmentioned, Olive attempted to mention the unmentionable.

Narrator: Where there was a reward, there was Emerson Cod.

Chuck: (to Ned) I'm going to hug Digby and pretend that he's you.

Olive: That's the most tragic story I've ever heard. Notwithstanding the big ticket items like genocide and famine, but tragic nonetheless.

Ned: I had a sexy dream about Olive last night, and I'm sure it was influenced by a reality-based kiss. By the road. You know...
Emerson: There is no way for this conversation to be anything but awkward for me.

Narrator: Still, he wore hope on his head... what Young Ned didn't know was that very moment the girl he called Chuck was wearing hope on hers. They were together even if they were far apart.

Chuck: You're taking money from blind children?
Emerson: I suppose I could pay my bills with blind kids' smiles, but their money is a lot easier.

Olive: I just want you to be happy.
Narrator: And Olive did, though she was not yet ready to let go of the hope that her perfect pie maker's perfect happiness might lie with her.

Ned: You're the only one for me.
Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want, there's things we both want.
Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff. We wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long, and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn't mean we need them to be happy.
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.

Emerson: Might not be Simone.
Ned: Simone was hiding Bubblegum, she chloroformed you, and she tied you up. I'm not even going to mention the ball gag. That's gangster love.
Emerson: See that's what's rubbing me, if she was gangsta she'd have busted a cyanide cap in my ass the minute I sniffed out her dog, but she didn't.

Simone: If you'll excuse me, I have some leftover business to handle and a funeral to attend.
Emerson: As long as it ain't mine, I'm cool.

Emerson: I'm gonna shake down Simone and find that dog.
Ned: If you shake Simone and the dog falls out...
Emerson: Then she's the killer.
Narrator: Fearing being alone with the girl he kissed but did not love, and the girl he loved but could not kiss, the Pie Maker decided...
Ned: I'll come with you.
Emerson: This is a solo shaking.

Ned: The only reason I didn't tell you is because it didn't mean anything. Lots of stuff happens in the course of a day that I don't bother sharing. For instance, yesterday's four-berry pie was actually three and a half because I ran out of cranberries. I didn't tell you that.
Chuck: Actually you did. You asked if orange counted as a berry and I said it didn't, but no one had to know but us.
Ned: I like that you said "us."

(after a phone call)
Emerson: Uh, we need to prove Hallie Hundin was innocent.
Ned: Your conscience calls you on the telephone?

Emerson: Under, meaning "below." Cover, meaning "the radar," people. What is so hard about that to understand?

Emerson: No wonder the guy can handle four wives, the dude was caffeinated.

Chuck: Four wives? That's just greedy!
Olive: And intriguing.
Emerson: Some people like vanilla, some like chocolate, others like their Neapolitan.
Ned: I like Neapolitan.
Emerson: Then you'd do well as a polygamist: one woman to have, one woman to hold.
Ned: Why? Why would you do that? For the record I'd make a horrible polygamist. I'm easily distracted, I wouldn't know where to focus...

Harold Hundin: I wish I could've said goodbye to Bubblegum.
Ned: I have stick gum!

Harold Hundin: I tasted almonds in my coffee, real bitter, exceptionally bitter, with an intense charismatic flavor that could only be... cyanide.

Chuck: Are you watching me sleep?
Ned: Uh, no sorta. But mainly I was waiting for you to wake up and in the process of waiting for you to wake up I was... yes, I was watching you sleep.
Chuck: You do that a lot, don't you?
Ned: It's like watching you come back to life.
Chuck: Again.