Charlotte "Chuck" Charles
Trivia: The popcorn print hanging on the wall in the Pie Maker's bedroom is called "Successive Nows" and is by artist Rodney White.
Chuck: Why are you doing this to us?
Dilly: What I see, I want. What I want I take. Nothing scares me. I've looked death in the eyes and I've opened a successful candy franchise. Can you say that?
Narrator: Sometimes a crime of passion is not realizing the passion in time, while other times the crime is not seeing the world as it is. But most crimes of passion are, actually, a crime.
Ned: Am I your boyfriend? And I realize boyfriend and girlfriend are familiar trite labels, but we never actually said it, and not that we need to define the relationship but… it may be helpful in a familiar trite way, the way on a holiday created to sell greeting cards it's still kinda nice to get a card, and are you gonna cut me off with a "yes" any time soon?
Narrator: Young Ned felt a gnawing pity growing in his stomach. As was tradition.
Narrator: Eugene Mulchandani fled in a flurry of saliva and fear.
Chuck: Guess what day it is today.
Ned: World Hello Day.
Chuck: Oh, you finally put up my calendar of obscure holidays.
Ned: Yes, and Hola!
Chuck: What's wrong?
Narrator: The meaning of "nothing" was "I never told you that I inadvertently killed your father."
Ned I can't keep lying to her.
Emerson: You ain't lying. The only way you're lying is if she asks the question, (imitates Chuck) "Hey, did you kill my father when you brought your mother back, which I didn't know about because you never told me?" (normal voice) Don't tell her.
Emerson: Oh no, see, this is how it all ends. Some weird guy comes in saying stuff that don't make no sense. And by the time your head realizes "Hey, this weird guy makes no sense," your guts are all over the window.
Narrator: Olive found herself in a cloud of steamed milk and self-pity, unaware of the warm breath blowing out of the mouth of Alfredo Aldariso.
Emerson: The truth ain't like puppies, a bunch of them running around, you pick your favorite. One truth… and it has come a knockin'.
Olive: It's from the Pie Hole from across the street, as in "Shut your." But one sweet whiff and people usually want to "Open their."
Ned: What's freaking me out is the ruthless woman trying to shut down the Pie Hole.
Narrator: This was true.
Ned: It has nothing to do with us.
Narrator: This was not.
Narrator: The expression "Like a rat in a candy store," though slightly less popular, is equally true.
Emerson: So whoever killed Billy is walking around with nine fingers thinking they got away with murder.
Chuck: Mm-hmmm. Footloose and finger-free.
Narrator: Seventeen miles away, the search to finger the fingerless killer of Billy Balsam continued.
Alfredo: As any non-traditional remedy salesman knows; resistance to the novel and the unconventional is marbled through this country like gristle. If I'm not cutting that gristle, I'm not doing my job.
Narrator: The Pie Maker considered how not telling Chuck the truth about her father was a lot like being locked in a prison. Then he considered how being locked in a prison was actually much worse than some silly metaphor about Truth.
Emerson: I mean it's a broad generalization, but my guess is that an attractive man who makes pies for a living shouldn't even spend a short amount of time in prison.
(Olive and Chuck prepare to break into the Candy Shop.)
Olive: There's no alarm system. Got a credit card?
Chuck: Why? You know how to pick locks?
Olive: No. You're gonna need to pay for the damages.
(Olive runs head first through the glass front door)
Ned: No. You let your anger win and you engage the crazy person, then you're no different than they are. People say "Hey! Look at those two crazy people fighting." I will not engage.
Emerson: Yeah. But if you don't engage, pretty soon people will start saying "Hey, look at that crazy person eating that guy just sitting there doing nothing."
Olive: Wouldn't it just rock and roll if liking someone meant they had to like you back? Of course that'd be a different universe and something else would probably suck.
Ned: Candy might be sweet, but it's a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.
Woman: Is what's in that box the amazing smell I'm smelling?
Olive: Can I ask you a question? If you loved me....
Olive: And we could never, ever, ever touch. Wouldn't you eventually get over it and move on letting someone else have the slightest hope that you might move on to them?
Alfredo: If I loved you?
Alfredo: Then I would love you in any way I could. And if we could not touch, then I would draw strength from your beauty. And if I went blind, then I would fill my soul with the sound of your voice and the contents of your thoughts until the last spark of my love for you lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind.
Olive: Eh, forget it.
Emerson: Well, that idea might make a stupid idea feel better about itself.
Olive: Alfredo? When did you come in?
Alfredo: Before. When you opened the door for me. And I asked how you were. And you said you were fine. And I asked for a macchiato. And you said "coming right up."
Olive: So I guess you'll still want that?
Alfredo: Yes, please.
Ned: Which is to say, "Go lying." Or at least, "Yay for not telling the truth."
Dilly: And take your trunk monkey with you!
Chuck and Olive: (singing) Don't mess with the Pie Hos, uh-huh!
Denmark: March 21, 2008 on SBS Net
UK: May 24, 2008 on ITV
Latin America: May 29, 2008 on Warner Channel.
Israel: June 3, 2008 on YES Stars 1
The Netherlands: September 30, 2008 on Net 5
Belgium: November 26, 2008 on VT4
Germany: December 10, 2008 on ProSieben
Greece: December 27, 2008 on Star
Finland: March 10, 2009 on Sub
Australia: May 26, 2009 on W
Sweden: August 9, 2009 on TV3
Czech Republic: February 21, 2010 on Prima
Slovakia: August 4, 2010 on Markiza
Molly Shannon is billed as Special Guest Star.
Ellen Greene and Swoosie Kurtz do not appear in this episode.
Olive: Fredo. I knew it was you.
This echoes Michael's line in The Godfather: Part II, "I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!"
Chuck: He's Lord of the Pies.
Chuck bestows a title on Ned inspired by William Golding's novel Lord of the Flies (1954), about boys stranded on a desert island and forced to fend for themselves.
Emerson: Dead Girl walking.
Referencing the phrase spoken on Death Row in prisons when a prisoner is being taken to his execution. Popularized in the 1995 movie Dead Man Walking starring Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon.
Magazine Ad: My Doll is My Copilot.
Referencing the book God is My Copilot by Robert Lee Scott. Scott wrote autobiographically of his own adventures during World War II as a fighter pilot in the Pacific.
Emerson: Me and Nancy Shrew will get you out.
Referencing the girl detective Nancy Drew, first written by Mildred Benson in 1930. the series has been updated several times and been the subject of several movies and TV series, the most recent appearing in 2007 with Emma Roberts in the title role.
Ned: Chuck, don't go over to the dark side. Revenge never works.
This is a reference to the Star Wars universe, where acting out of vengeance usually leads to a Jedi turning to the Dark Side.
Bodega Bay is the setting for the movie The Birds (1963), directed by Alfred Hitchcock and featuring birds that mysteriously turn violent and kill people. The shot of Dilly in the boat is a copy of a similar scene in the movie and she is dressed and made up to exactly resemble the movie's star Tippi Hedren.
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