Pushing Daisies Season 1 Episode 7

Ned: Do you really think people can change their lives by smelling the right smell.
Emerson: If so, I'm getting me some cash potpourri.

Vivian: Chlorine. Lily used to say it reminded her of bottled sunshine.
Lily: Now it reminds me of children without bladder control.

Chuck: That is pungent!
Emerson: Yeah. Pungent like fried chicken grilled on a bed of hair.

Vivian: I think it's brave to try to be happy.

Olive: (watching TV) Look, there's the killer.
(Oscar walks into The Pie Hole)
Chuck: Look, there's the killer.
Olive: Oh, Lord.

Emerson: LeNez's about to make a statement. And as witnesses to the most recent attempt on his life, we also have to make a statement. And that we don't include you.
Chuck: Why not? I witnessed the latest attempt.
Emerson: That don't change the fact that there's a grave out there that you're supposed to be in. What're you gonna tell people when they ask you who you are?
Chuck: I'll say that I'm somebody that I'm not.
Emerson: Oh! "Hey somebody, can I see some ID?"
Chuck: Oh! Then I'll be polite and say, "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot my purse and I've got no pockets."
Emerson: Uh huh… well, "Hey somebody see, now I'm gonna need to see some ID on the count that you look just like that dead girl that got herself killed on that tropical cruise."
Ned: Okay, if that happens I'll say something like "What is this? A police state?" (pause) If I ever say that it means I'm having a panic attack.

Vivian: Lily doesn't believe in water anymore, she thinks it's a waste of a perfectly good tumbler.

Olive: Look carefully, ladies; this is your future.
Lily: Is it vodka?
Olive: Water.
Lily: As in Russian for vodka?

Ned: I've had girlfriends but there were always extraneous factors.

Emerson: (about Ned's love life) I must admit I am curious. Hell, before dead girl came along, I didn't know what you liked, or if you liked, or if you had anything to like with. For all I know, you could have been one of those people who was born with both but didn't use either.

Anita: Am I going to see my grandma now?
Emerson: As far as you know.
Ned: That's a yes!

Annita: Is God mad at me?
Chuck: No, no, God is not mad at you.
Ned: Somebody's mad at somebody.

Ned: It's The Pie Hole, not The Cupcake Hole.

Ned: Surprise has never been a very good word for me.

Narrator: The mere sight of each other left the Pie Maker and the girl named Chuck feeling exactly like they wanted to feel: safe and warm and loved.

Chuck: Ned!
Ned: Chuck!
Napoleon: Oscar!
Oscar: Napoleon!
(pause)
Olive: Hi, Emerson.
Emerson: (unimpressed) Hey, Olive.

Chuck: He said I smelled like honey.
Oscar: Like you've been dipped in it. (smells Chuck's wrist) There's something else you smell like.
Chuck: I know. Death. It's my perfume.
Oscar: You're not wearing perfume. No. This isn't death. It's something else altogether.

Oscar: You'd be surprised what you can hear when you press your ear to the right pipe.

(Lily offers Olive a pair of her swim fins)
Olive: I can wear them? You mean it? On my feet?
Lily: Unless you're cursed with a sixth toe. You're not, are you?
Olive: No, no. Five fingers. Five toes. Us Snooks are boring that way. I had a cousin with a third nipple. He'd let you see it for a dollar.
Vivian: How fascinating.
Lily: And a bargain, too.

Emerson: Your book was a bomb.
Napoleon: Who are you to criticize my life's work?!
Emerson: Your book was a bomb. It exploded.

Narrator: Anxious to sniff out more information, our heroes sought out Napoleon LeNez, scratch-'n-sniff author, in his suite above the city and immediately found themselves in an alarming situation.
Napoleon: Do not be alarmed by the situation.

Narrator: Private investigator Emerson Cod was enjoying the latest issue of Knit-Wit magazine. His literary outlet for knitting humor.

Chuck: You know, you could do with loosening up a bit.
Ned: I don't do loose. I prefer tightly wound. Not shapeless with extra room for surprises.

(Ned almost runs into Chuck)
Chuck: Maybe I should wear a bell.
Ned: Actually...
Chuck: I'm not wearing a bell.

Olive: Oh, isn't it great we can joke? Now that we know that there's nothing going on between us and never was. It can be funny. I bet this sort of thing happens all the time between adults. Mixed romantic messages. In no time we'll be looking back and laugh until we wet the rug. Which we'll then want to shampoo. Couple times. Possibly three, depending on what we been drinking.

Emerson: Death by scratch-'n'-sniff. What the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

Ned: We're not lost. We're following the yellow thick hose.