(during a question as to whether banana plants are trees)
Sean: They walk.
Stephen: I'm sorry?
Sean: Banana plants, whatever they're called, walk.
Stephen: Nurse, nurse, he's out of bed again.
Stephen Fry: James Bond has this strange idea that homosexuals can't whistle, for example.
Alan Davies: Because they've got too much cock in their mouth.
Stephen Fry: I want you to go and sit in the corner.
Stephen Fry: When a market research team was asked to come up with a new name for the merger between a university and a college, at Bradford, it took them three months to come up with, University of Bradford, The University of Bradford and Bradford University. Their fee was £20,000.
Stephen Fry: If a lion mates with a tiger, you get a...?
Stephen Fry: I wish I'd never mentioned the bloody mantlepiece.
Linda: Why do goats need eyebrows?
Clive To express surprise.
Stephen Fry: Hello, and welcome to QI, the quiz that asks the question: if ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world? Joining me tonight, I'm delighted to say, are four people who don't even know the meaning of the word 'ignorance'.
Clive: Trumpet fanfare
Sean: London bus-bell
Linda: Bicycle bell
Alan: A door creaking and a man saying 'Hello?'
(This changes to a 'cuckoo' sound later on)
The final scores:
Clive: 37 points
Linda: 30 points
Sean: 25 points
Alan: - 30 points
Elephants can smell ethanol in fermenting fruit up to 10 miles away. You shouldn't give them alcohol, though, as it can make them aggressive.