QI Season 1 Episode 1

Stephen Fry: What would you do with a pencil and a lesser anteater?
Alan Davies: Oh, hours of fun!

Stephen Fry: Carrie Snow, the American comedienne, said: "If god was a woman, sperm would taste of chocolate."

Stephen Fry: Welcome to QI, the questionnaire where the answers are much more interesting than the questions, but the questions are completely impossible, as I don't really expect anyone to get any of them right, I should be awarding points for being interesting along the way regardless whether the panel's answers are correct or even relevant. So, let just meet the panel who want to commit intellectual suicide tonight.

Alan Davies: (after being told that Adam was forbidden to eat sheep, but Noah was allowed) That doesn't make any sense, because Adam, there would have probably been a lot of sheep. But Noah's down to the last two sheep, and God said: "It's all right, if you fancy a kebab, have one on me?" And Noah said: "I'm not going to eat the sheep, God, you're out of your mind!"

(Stephen holds up fennel)
Stephen Fry: Can you connect this with Italian homosexuals?
Alan Davies: Are there any Italian homosexuals in the room?
Stephen Fry: My dressing room number is 315.

Stephen Fry: Perhaps, you know, we should believe in Adam and Eve. Geneticists have established that every woman in the world shares a single female ancestor who lived 150 thousand years ago, scientists do actually call her Eve. And every man shares a single male ancestor dubbed Adam. It's also been established, however, that Adam was born 80,000 years after Eve. So the world before him was one of heavy to industrial strength lesbianism one assumes.