Season 1 Episode 5

All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (1)

Aired Friday 8:00 PM Mar 24, 1978 on NBC
out of 10
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Episode Summary

All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms (1)
On a typical mission Quark is captured by Zorgon the Malevolent, who tries to learn from Quark what "it" is and where to find "it". Meanwhile, the Zorgon's daughter, Princess Libido, has fallen in love with Ficus. Ficus agrees to a meeting with Princess Libido and teaches her to "pollinate", which is how plants love. Meanwhile, Andy and Gene/Jean escape and disguise themselves as Gorgon scientists and Gene/Jean is asked to give a lecture on "it".moreless

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    Alan Caillou

    Alan Caillou

    The Head

    Guest Star

    Ned York

    Ned York


    Guest Star

    Jerrold Ziman

    Jerrold Ziman

    Professor Dinsmore

    Guest Star

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (10)

      • Quark: Palindrome, what's wrong?
        Palindrome: Nothing much, uh, the Head is a little disturbed. I sent a commander off on the wrong direction.
        Quark: That doesn't sound so terrible.
        Palindrome: He's been heading in that direction for seven years.

      • Gene/Jean: (as Gene) We'll teach those guys a lesson they'll never forget, right commander?
        Quark: Sure, Gene. Ficus, have you got a reading on that ship yet?
        Ficus: It appears they are approximately twenty times bigger than we are, have six photon death rays, and a deflector shield which our weapons cannot penetrate.
        Quark: Our weapons cannot penetrate?
        Ficus: Sir, we could not even interrupt a small dinner party on that ship.
        Quark: Bettys, turn the ship.
        Gene/Jean: (as Gene) Commander, but you said we teach 'em a lesson!
        Quark: I think they have learned their lesson, Gene.

      • Gene/Jean: (as Gene) No Gorgon's gonna throw me in prison! Anyone who tries I'll rip his kneecaps off! (turns into Jean) I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Violence is not the answer to man's problems.

      • Zorgon: You know what the others say? They say that I dwell too much on torture and murder. They say that I kill for the joy of it. They say I wipe out whole civilizations at the touch of a button.
        Quark: Are they right?
        Zorgon: Oh yes.

      • Ficus: As a Vegeton I remain cool and crisp even while being crushed by walls.
        Gene/Jean: (as Gene) Yeah, but you won't remain cool and crisp if these (he points to the moving walls) turn you into a salad.

      • Ficus: Are you saying that the Princess Libido is manifesting that condition that you animals refer to as romantic affection at initial visual perception?
        Quark: Yes, Ficus. Love at first sight.

      • Quark: Ficus, I don't want the Bettys to hear this, but when you're with Libido keep repeating, "Yes of course I'll respect you in the morning".

      • Princess Libido: Ficus, do you love me?
        Ficus: No, but I'll respect you in the morning.

      • Princess Libido: Ficus, I just kissed you! Didn't you feel anything?
        Ficus: Yes, I felt the application of your epidermis on my own, then a slight pressure accompanied by a raise of temperature, and--
        Princess Libido: Ficus Pandurata, you're supposed to feel something special.
        Ficus: Oh.

      • Zorgon: (yelling at Ficus and Libido) What's going on here? What are you doing?
        Ficus: We were pollinating, sir.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Zorgon and his daughter Libido are the show's take on Ming the Merciless and his daughter Princess Aura from Flash Gordon. Zorgon dress like Ming and has the same beard while Libido falls in love with Ficus like Aura does for Flash.