Queer Duck

Season 2 Episode 11

Queer Duck: The Movie

Aired Unknown Jul 18, 2006 on Showtime



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Oscar Wilde Cat: I thought you were a woman.
      Rex: Oh yes, I was very good. Rawr!

    • Bi-Polar Bear: I can crack walnuts with my ass.

      Oscar Wilde Cat: (gasp) I ate walnuts in your home.

    • Queer Duck: I love that movie. Gave me tingles.

    • Rosie O'Donnell: (to Bubbles the chimp) Look, it's the late Ronnie McDowell. (takes a bite out of his banana) What? I'm a Rubens woman.
      Bi-Polar Bear: Yeah. You look like you've eaten a few reubens. (laughs)

    • Mrs. Duckstein: (seeing Michael Jackson's mascara running since he's crying) Don't cry. You'll make yourself black again.

    • Elizabeth Taylor: Whose funeral is this? Mine?
      Bi-Polar Bear: Yeah. It's yours, Liz.
      Elizabeth Taylor: How sad.

    • Oscar Wilde Cat: (to Straight Duck) The gay community shares your pain. All across America, fags are at half mast. (Straight Duck glares angrily) Too soon?

    • Grandma Duckstein: (comes from the closet to hug Queer Duck) You made me so happy.
      Queer Duck: Grandma? I thought you were dead.
      Grandma Duckstein: To you, I was.

    • Queer Duck: (outside the room to the reverend) You don't have that movie on DVD do you? (he closes the door when he throws something at him and then he opens again) I'll try Blockbuster.

    • Vandergelding: You're the gayest thing I have ever seen. And I've been to England.

    • Melissa: Hey Rosie. I just want to thank you for coming out as a lesbian and confirming every negative stereotype about us.
      Rosie O'Donnell: Listen, Xena. You do not want to get between me and the wedding cake.
      Melissa: I think they'd notice if a piece was missing?
      Rosie O'Donnell: You're right. I'd better eat the whole thing. The trick is to unhinge your jaw like a python. (drops jaw down)
      Melissa: Doesn't that hurt?
      Rosie O'Donnell: Oh yeah. It hurts like a bitch.

    • Bi-Polar Bear: (sniffs the air) What's that horrible stench? It's worse than the monkey diapers. It smells like; "Recovery" by Elizabeth Taylor.
      Elizabeth Taylor: (drinks cocktail) Hello doggie. Who's wedding is this? Mine?
      Bi-Polar Bear: (sarcastically) Yeah. It's yours Liz.
      Elizabeth Taylor: And who am I marrying? You?
      Bi-Polar Bear: Sure, why not?

    • Straight Duck: (to Openly Gator) Beat it you homo.

    • Happyland mascot: (to all the gay people) Beat it you homos.

    • Michael Jackson: I have never been convicted.

    • Straight Duck: Hey dude. Que pasa?

    • Vandergelding: (after seeing Queer Duck turning straight) Could it be? Is he really straight? (shows a picture of Cameron Diaz) What do you think of Cameron Diez?
      Straight Duck: She's hot.
      Vandergelding: (shows a picture of Cameron Manheim) Cameron Manheim?
      Straight Duck: She's hot.
      Vandergelding: (shows a picture of Sister Wendy) Sister Wendy?
      Straight Duck:

    • Vandergelding: Tell me Queer Duck. Are you still queer?
      Queer Duck: Like a high school drama teacher.

    • Vendor: All right foot long. Who want's a foot long? I got a foot long here.
      Peccary : How much?
      Vendor: 10 bucks to see it. 20 to touch.
      Peccary: Sounds good.

    • Tiny Jesus: Hey, I'm Jesus!

    • Oscar Wilde Cat: Here at Shirley You Jest, we have all Shirley Temple memorabillia. Dolls, lunchboxes, coffee mugs... why we even have Shirley herself.
      Shirley Temple: (trapped in a box) Mister. I can't breathe in here. Honest I can't.
      Oscar Wilde Cat: Quiet you.

    • Michael Jackson: It's hard growing up in America as a black man.
      Mrs. Duckstein: Your black?
      Mr. Duckstein: Your a man?
      Mrs. Duckstein: Oh, we thought you were Sheena Easten.

    • Miss Buzzard: (After getting an award)I promised myself i wouldn't fake-cry, but here goes(Starts crying)I just wanna thank Jesus and the one man who got me here, Queer Duck!

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • The show parodies itself with an musical number, where Queer Duck imagines what would happen if he weren't gay, entitled Straight Duck.

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