Thom pours ketchup on a chair in order to prove the fabric is stain-resistant. It isn't.
Ted: (as the younger Rotondos are talking about going to the racetrack with their fathers from a young age) My dad always took me to bars, but the track is pretty good too.
Carson: (lying on the denim bedspread in jeans) WHERE ARE MY LEGS!?!
Peter Sr: I love women!
Kyan: I love women too. Not quite in the same way.
Carson: I love women's shoes.
Peter Sr: (about women) They say, I'm getting my 'thing' next week so they're aggravated this week, and the week after, I had my 'thing' last week...
Kyan: You're talking about their periods.
Peter Sr: When is there a window for you to be nice to a guy?!
Peter Sr: The unconditional love my mother gives me, if every women gave that to a guy in a relationship, there would be no divorce.
Ted: He's having trouble opening a bag of cheese. This doesn't look good.
Peter Sr: (stabbing a bag of cheese with a knife) Ohh, I need a wife.
Kyan: That's what wives are for.
Carson: To have, to hold, to open bags of cheese.
Whitey: We have to cover the dish with foil.
Peter Sr: Dad, what kind of foil, this one (holds up foil) or this clear one? (Holds up saran wrap) I don't know!?
Ted: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If you want lasagne with melted plastic on the top, I guess you could go that way.
Carson says Peter Jr. looks like the character Raj from the '70s TV show What's Happening in his backwards cap.