Carson: It's very nice up here. It's kind of smooth here, and sandpaper-y here. It's very scratch-n-sniff.
Vincent: Can I put my clothes back on?
Kyan: Ye— second thought Mmm.
Vincent: I was just thinking about something. What are the other three guys doing back at my house?
Ted: Back at your house they've probably loaded up the spraying painter and are painting your house pink.
Thom (using a child's telephone): It's 1984. They want all their decorations back.
Kyan (about Vincent):: He is a professional singer, he's in the Cleftones.
Ted: There was talk that his onstage style resembles Liberace.
Carson: Well, then it's fine - I don't even know why I'm here.
Ted: I hear he shaves with no shaving cream.
Kyan: that's just a scab waiting to happen.
Thom(on Vinny's house): This is just stupid.
Thom (looking at a plastic base on the ceiling): Look, this is probably where a smoke detector would be to save your family's life.
Thom: Are you guys going to be offended if you come back and it's like...
Thom: Or gone?
Kyan: I hear Thom going on and on and on in here and I can sum it up in one word: PIG-STY!
Carson: Have you ever seen such a clutter-fest in your life?
Thom: This is really scary.
Carson: Can I call you Vinny?
Carson: Can I call you my bitch?
Thom: I'm trying to pick out things that I know the kids can't chew on, or tear apart.
Kyan (arriving back at Vincent's house): Okay, we're here!
Carson: What is all your furniture doing out on the curb? How weird!
Vivia: Should we blow out the candles?
Vincent: No,they'll be fine.
Carson: Meanwhile while their house burns down...
Thom (on the Cleftones): You'd think that these are the five gay guys that we're gonna come and help him out.
Carson: Sixty year olds look great in glitter. If you're over 55, it's time to start wearing glitter again.
(Vivia is in the audience bragging about the makeover the Fab Five gave her husband)
Carson: Those other wives are thinking where do we get some of those gays?
(Vinny starts singing)
Carson: Wow, maybe back up singing isn't such a bad gig after all.
Thom: Hey, it's getting better!
Carson: No, we're getting drunker!